All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Getting to know me, getting to know all about me… (IV)

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Recently, Marci (over at Marci, Mental Health and More) began a series of 100 questions designed to get to know someone better. As I’ve been blogging so infrequently lately I’ve decided to follow her lead and post my own answers to the questions. This way, people who’ve been following my blog for a while can get to know me a little better whilst newbies to my wonderful world can learn a few random things about me.

| Questions 1 – 26 | Questions 27 – 50 | Questions 51 – 75 |

76. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?

Anyone who’s ever spent any time with me would know I’m not fashionable. I’m much more at home shopping in op-shops than I am perusing the wares of the latest fashionable high street retailer. Plus, I steadfastly refuse to pay multiple hundreds of dollars for one item of clothing, a scenario that saw my abuser launch into an abusive tirade because I stood by my values and refused to pay $190 for a pair of jeans. So off the top of my head, clothing wise, I really couldn’t care less what came back into fashion because I would refuse to acknowledge it anyway.

The only thing that I wish would come back into fashion would be books. I know the world has gone cray cray for the eReader, but I am still very much old school when it comes to reading. I miss browsing bookstores (so many have closed down because of the eReader craze) and I love (absolutely love) holding a book in my hands, smelling the pungent smell of its musty pages, and turning each page as I delve further into the story. Yes, books need to make a comeback. They are so much more than stale text on a screen.

77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I am an out-and-out proud introvert, always have been. This was another bone of contention for my abuser, for she couldn’t understand my pride in being an introvert. She saw it as a sign of weakness, as a sign that I was a ‘lesser human being’ and as  a sign that I wasn’t masculine enough. She spent large portions of time trying to turn me into an extrovert (something that was never going to happen) and became enraged when her plan to change me was failing; something she blamed me for, as I wasn’t working hard enough, which led to all manner of abusive tantrums. If only she could have realised there is nothing wrong with being an introvert, that rather than being something to feel shame about, it is something to feel pride about.

78. Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

If I had to pick one, I would say my hearing would be the strongest, but I can’t really decide why. Second to that would be touch, which I’m proud of.

79. Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)

I mentioned in a previous installment of this epic question challenge that I have never been the recipient of a surprise. I also mentioned in the same installment that I have always wanted a surprise party. Perhaps one day I will have people in my life who cares enough to organise one.

80. Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?

No. Not that it really matters. Unless I was related to Joss Whedon. In which case, of course it would matter! :p

books

(76) Yes, books need to make a comeback.

81. What do you do to keep fit?

I’m not the fittest person on the planet. My depression often prevents me from exercising as much as I would like. But that’s not to say I don’t do anything. I enjoy walking. I love cycling. And I do enjoy going to the gym as it’s a wonderful release for all sorts of inner turmoil and stress. I just can’t afford a gym membership at the moment.

82. Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

None that spring instantly to mind.

83. If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?

Better funding for mental health and homelessness organisations. Because, let’s be honest, the way governments deal with these important and life threatening issues is truly shocking and something (anything) needs to be done to show these people more compassion, decency and create a better quality of life.

84. Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?

Miss MacDonald would be up there as one of my favourite teachers. She was one of my first primary school teachers, and the honored recipient of one of my unsent letters. But then there was Ms Bennett, my high school geography teacher, a kind and wonderful soul with a magnificent body to boot. Boy, did I have a crush on her! :p

85. What three things do you think of the most each day?

i. My abusive relationship – thanks PTSD!
ii. My lack of a ‘life’ – thanks anxiety!
iii. My loneliness – thanks PTSD and anxiety!

86. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

“Conversations with this person may be brutally honest. You have been warned!” or the more simple “Caution: Mood Swings abound!”

87. What song would you say best sums you up?

88. What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?

On a purely intellectual level, David Fincher, so I could get some pointers on how to be a stunning film director.

On a purely oh-my-gosh level, Jenna Louise Coleman, so I could do my level best to convince her I’m good boyfriend material.

89. Who was your first crush?

My first crush was a girl named Hannah (name has been changed to protect the innocent) when I was but eight years old. She was a magnificent human being who made me laugh and feel all sorts of strange stirrings. My overriding memory of Hannah was when we (for some reason) decided to pretend to be wolves and ended up wrestling in a gigantic pile of mud that was a feature of our hometown at the time. It was messy. It was dirty. It was damned fun. But then she moved a couple of hundred miles away so our playtimes ceased and nothing was to come of our burgeoning relationship.

90. What’s the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?

There is literally nothing interesting out of my kitchen window. All there is, is another block of units and a few cars, one of which hasn’t moved in the three years I’ve been living here, and has become encased in a thick layer of dust and grime. It’s pretty disgusting.

91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?

5. I’m not the funniest human being on the planet. Again, I think my depression has a lot to do with this. It’s hard being funny when the weight of the world is baring down on your shoulders every second of the day. I also think my anxiety has a lot to do with this, as it’s hard being funny when you’re too scared to tell a joke in case people laugh at you. Ironic, I know. When I am funny it is often in the realm of self-deprecation, something which annoyed the hell out of my abuser as she didn’t understand the black, bleak, dry comedy that I have mastered over the years. She was more into knock knock jokes and slapstick. You know, simple schtick.

92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Alas, in much the same place I’m in now. Living in a town I don’t like. Haunted by an abusive relationship. Unable to form relationships and friendships. Alone. Miserable. Trying desperately to rebuild my life but knowing deep down that no matter what I do, it won’t work. Yay me!

jenna-louise-coleman

(88) On a purely oh-my-gosh level, Jenna Louise Coleman

93. What was your first job?

My first job was as a restaurant assistant at a motorway service station. For those not in the UK, a motorway service station is a large building on the side of a motorway that houses toilets, shops, a restaurant, fast food outlets and other entertaining diversions from a lengthy road-trip. The restaurant was overpriced (they always are) and served cardboard food and bitter coffee. But I did my utmost to service this overpriced cardboard food and bitter coffee with a smile on my face. It was a pretty shocking job that didn’t pay very well, but it did allow me to meet Jeremy Irons, who came in for coffee one evening with his family.

94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join?

Runrig; they’re my favourite group for a reason, and that reason is powerful song writing and intoxicating melodies.

95. How many languages do you speak?

One. Possibly two. And I say possibly because I used to be able to speak French, but it’s been so long since I did, I’m not sure I remember any of it. The only way to know for sure would be to strand me in France (or French-speaking Canada) and see what happens.

96. What is your favorite family holiday tradition?

No family holiday traditions for this family, I’m afraid.

97. Who is the most intelligent person you know?

Grace. For those not in know, Grace was a friend of mine before the breakdown and homelessness destroyed my social network. She is also the woman I let down in 2008 that has provided all sorts of grief and guilt in the intervening years. Her intelligence used to both stun and intimidate me, so much so that talking to her was difficult for me at times, as I’ve never considered myself a truly intelligent man so wasn’t on a level pegging with her.

98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be?

I have to concur with Marci on this one, and say turtle. Turtles have long been one of my favourite animals, so much so that I’ve always wanted a pet turtle (whom I would name Magnus) so we can hide in our shells together. Failing that, a wombat, because they’re ruddy awesome! :)

99. What is one thing you will never do again?

Eat Brussel Sprouts; for they are truly disgusting and borderline inedible.

100. Who knows you the best?

Eight years of being brutally honest on this blog mean that you, my dear readers, know me best. Whether you like it or not! :p

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5 thoughts on “Getting to know me, getting to know all about me… (IV)

  1. Ah man, brussel sprouts are one of my favorite foods! ;)

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  2. It is really good getting to know you. I really do not know much about mental illness and bipolar. Most of the time I am stable with a cherry positive outlook on life. There are occasional times when I go into a blue funk.

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    • Glad you’re enjoying getting to know me, there is after all, a lot to know. Mental illness and bipolar are complicated areas that few people truly understand, hopefully my blog helps people learn what it’s like suffering from these illnesses, that is after all why I blog about them. To be stable is my ultimate dream, I’d like to say I’m getting there, but I don’t think I am at the moment. But I’m sure I will in time! :)

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