All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Getting to know me, getting to know all about me… (I)



Recently, Marci (over at Marci, Mental Health and More) began a series of 100 questions designed to get to know someone better. As I’ve been blogging so infrequently lately I’ve decided to follow her lead and post my own answers to the questions. This way, people who’ve been following my blog for a while can get to know me a little better whilst newbies to my wonderful world can learn a few random things about me.

1. Who is your hero?

My fictional hero is The Doctor, from the magnificent television series that is Doctor Who. Many times when I am faced with a difficult and ultimately challenging decision I will ask myself ‘what would The Doctor do?’ before making my decision. Outside of the realm of fiction, my hero in the real world is a woman who works at the mental health organisation I occasionally frequent. She is a bright star in an otherwise dark world and is easily the most inspiring human being I’ve ever met.

2. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Without any hesitation, my answer would be Scotland. It is the greatest country on Earth and I miss it on a daily basis.

3. What is your biggest fear?

I am living my biggest fear, and have been living it for the last eight years; loneliness.

4. What is your favorite family vacation?

My favourite family vacation would probably be Jersey 1989; which was spent chilling out at a Pontins Holiday Camp, watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and generally eating sausage, eggs and chips on an almost daily basis. Good times.

5. What would you change about yourself if you could?

I wish I was less anxious. Ever since I developed social anxiety as a teenager it has ruled and governed virtually every aspect of my life. It has effected my educational career, friendships, my relationship with my body, every relationship I’ve been in and random day-to-day events. I hate it. I truly and utterly hate it. Yet no matter what I do. No matter what help I seek. No matter what treatment I undertake. Nothing seems to have any effect in reducing this most destructive of mental illnesses.

Urquhart Castle, on the shores of Loch Ness. Scotland. © Addy

Urquhart Castle, on the shores of Loch Ness. Scotland.

6. What really makes you angry?

Selfishness. Arrogance. Narcissism. And abuse. If you choose to abuse someone, you are nothing to me.

7. What motivates you to work hard?

I like doing something well, no matter if it’s working at a backpacked hostel or writing a blog. I am determined to do the best that I can. Thus, what motivates me is my own work ethic, my own determination and my own self-belief.

8. What is your favorite thing about your career?

Alas, I don’t have a career. So I can’t really answer this question as I don’t have a favourite thing about being a disabled unemployed person.

9. What is your biggest complaint about your job?

Again, I don’t have a job, sorry.

10. What is your proudest accomplishment?

This blog. It doesn’t sound like much but – even though my abuser did her best to destroy my pride in this blog – I’ve always been proud of what I’ve accomplished on these pages over the last eight years.

11. What is your child’s proudest accomplishment?

Alas, I don’t have any children. Thanks for rubbing that in!

12. What is your favorite book to read?

Quest for a Kelpie; a magnificent book for young adults set in eighteenth century Scotland. A masterwork.

13. What makes you laugh the most?

My friends always used to make me laugh, but since being socially isolated, very little makes me laugh these days. In fact, the only times I do chuckle are when I’m watching comedies on DVD, with Parks and Recreation my go-to option.

14. What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? 

The last movie I saw in the cinema was The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, in January 2014…and I thought it was quite brilliant, easily the best of The Hobbit trilogy. The last movie I saw on DVD (as anxiety prevents me from visiting the cinema any more) was Big Hero 6…which I thought was, quite frankly, crap.

15. What did you want to be when you were small?

A writer. Although I accepted a long time ago I’ll never become one.

16. What does your child want to be when he/she grows up?

Again, I don’t have any children. You really like rubbing that in, don’t you!

17. If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? 

I would love to spend a day hanging out, talking to and generally having a spot of fun with my friends. But I don’t have any, so I can’t.

18. What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play?

The only sport I like to watch and play is snooker. I’m terrible at it, but I still enjoy it.

19. Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? 

Given that I hate cars and horses are a trigger for my abusive relationship, I’d rather ride a bike. Which I do, quite happily, quite frequently.

20. What would you sing at Karaoke night?

I have two songs I would love to karaoke: Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meatloaf) and Holding Out For a Hero (Bonnie Tyler)

21. What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most?

I am rarely in a car, so I don’t listen to the radio there. I often listen to the radio at home, primarily 2AY (local station with talk-back and music) and Radio National (a national station with lots of documentaries and news reports)

22. Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?

Vacuum the house. I love vacuuming the house. It’s such a mindful and relaxing activity.

23. If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work?

Cooking. I used to be a rather good cook (courtesy of training from Louise, my first girlfriend) but since being homeless I have lost a lot of these skills. Most likely because I don’t have access to a fully stocked kitchen and that I can’t afford decent, fresh ingredients.

24. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Jacket potatoes with butter, cheese and a little sprinkling of cracked black pepper. Mmmmmm. Scrumptious! :)

Jacket Potato with Cheese

Jacket Potato with Cheese

25. Who is your favorite author?

Ever since I read Memory and Dream back in 2001, my favourite author has been Charles de Lint; a magnificent writer of Urban Fantasy, my favourite genre.

26. Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?

My nickname at school was (when not a series of insults) Zakey…I have no idea why. I have always hated Andy, which riles me up no end. In fact, the only nickname I’ve ever related to is Addy – which, ironically enough – was given to be by my abuser. It’s the only good thing she ever did for me.



3 thoughts on “Getting to know me, getting to know all about me… (I)

  1. I enjoyed this Addi! Its nice to learn more about you. Jacket potatos rock! X


  2. Interesting answers, I notice you chose two songs both written by Jim Steinman a great songwriter. Now another question for you. If you could choose any female who would you choose to sing Paradise by the Dashboard Light with you?
    Alas Pontins Jersey is no longer gone but not forgotten.

    Oh a wee fact I learnt today did you know your favourite Doctor, David Tennant, is a fan of The Proclaimers.

    I always wondered where Addy came from


    • A female to sing Paradise by the Dashboard Light with? Serena Ryder. It’s not really her type of song but she has an excellent voice and could handle the range easily. Plus, it would be wonderful to sing a duet with someone I admire so much! :)


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