All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


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It is never too late to be what you might have been…

The final prompt in the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge asks
Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.

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30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: Day 29

Today’s prompt in the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge asks
Do you follow any self-harm blogs?

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I have to be honest, I don’t follow any blogs that are specifically about self harm. The reason for this is simple: I find discussion of self harm triggering, and were I to read blogs about self harm, my personal safety may be put in jeopardy. In the past I have visited numerous blogs and websites about self harm, but continuously found myself up against highly triggering images of other peoples self harm. I have never liked looking at pictures of self harm, because it makes me want to replicate the damage on my own flesh, so such content put me off visiting these sites on a repeated basis.

Indeed, I have reached a point in my ‘recovery’ where things are unlikely to improve unless I make steps towards positive change.  I need to make adjustments.  I need to have the courage to try new things.  I need to let things happen.  That is why I have decided there is no point hanging around until February, when I will most likely just remain embroiled in this current cycle of SH and over-medication.
~ from Is There Ever A Right Time, by Imillnotcrazy

However, I do read blogs that deal with the subject of self harm. I can handle these blogs far better than I can those that are specifically about self harm. Blogs such as Marci, Mental Health and More, Imillnotcrazy and My Battle With Mental Illness all deal with self harm in a respectful way. They issue trigger warnings in case the content could prove upsetting, they discuss their battles with self harm openly and honestly, and care deeply about how the subject affects not only them, but their audience. In fact, I couldn’t recommend these blogs enough. They are all exquisitely beautiful.


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30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: Day 27

Today’s prompt in the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge asks
Discuss any and all progress you have made.

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I began this challenge on the 4 August 2014. Back then, I was self harming on a daily basis. Every afternoon, I would halt whatever I was doing, take out my cutting implements, and carve love (and hate) on my arms. It was a coping mechanism. the only thing that kept the depression at bay and gave me half a chance of making it through the day unscathed.

It is now the 15 August 2015, and although I have struggled to complete this challenge in a timely fashion, I have succeeded in being self harm free for over eight months now. I no longer feel the urge to cut. I no longer feel the compulsion to injure myself in any way. This is huge progress. For someone who has been self harming on and off since I was thirteen years old, to go so long without feeling the urge to self harm is massive.

It is certainly something worthy of celebration! :)


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[NSFW] Butt is it Art or Porn III: The Spanking Art Edition

Today’s prompt in the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge asks
What is something that makes you the most happy?

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This post isn’t going to be for everyone. Some of you may look upon it and think oooo, I’m getting all sorts of fuzzy warm feelings inside, whilst others will look upon it and think that’s absolutely disgusting, I’m going to write a strongly worded letter to this deviant! But that’s kinda the point. It’s meant to be divisive. It’s meant to create debate.

Now I’ll be honest. I didn’t actually write this post. This post is a collaboration between two of my voices, Meadhbh and Shay, but the topic, the content of this post, makes me blissfully happy. That’s why they wrote it. Whilst lost to the flashback and nightmare earlier this week, Meadhbh and Shay took it upon themselves to create something that would make me happy, something that would fill me with the aforementioned fuzzy warm feelings. They didn’t post it straight away because they didn’t want to upset me, they didn’t want to put something out there if I wasn’t comfortable with it being in the public domain, but after careful consideration, and after seeing the prompt for today’s installment of the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge, I’ve decided to post it and see what happens.

So I will now hand you over to Meadhbh and Shay, who have put together a collection of artwork that depicts a most heartwarming bottomwarming of activities, to ask the question butt is it art or porn?

Under normal circumstances I would password protect this post. However, Meadhbh is not a fan of password protection, so we have reached a compromise. I will post it without a password under the proviso that this warning is inserted: family members of Addy, I politely request that you read no further! Thank you! :)

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Sorting fact from fiction on self-harm

Today’s prompt in the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge asks
Do you know any statistics about self harm?

The only self harm statistics that I know come from this infographic from the Australian organisation Headspace:

sorting-fact-from-fiction-on-self-harm_5242513d9e1c9_w1500~ Click image to enlarge ~