All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

About Me

I’m a homeless romantic riding the rollercoaster of bipolar, social isolation and severe anxiety.
~ Writer. Photographer. Artist. Carer. Dreamer. Advocate. Nobody. ~

101 Random Things About Me

All facts are true. Click the linked text to take you to posts I’ve written on this topic.

  1. I once called the police to report a rogue goat in Wodonga cemetery and spent two minutes constantly reiterating the word goat as they thought I was drunk and reporting a rogue ghost.
  2. My favourite book is Quest for a Kelpie.
  3. I lost my virginity at the somewhat embarrassing age of 22.
  4. My record for the number of Pringles eaten in one mouthful is forty-nine.
  5. I was once the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship that cost me everything in my life. And I mean everything!
  6. When I was eight I played the Ugly Stepsister in a school production of Cinderella.
  7. I was the only audience member in a screening of the Jeremy Irons starring Lolita.
  8. The only other time this has happened was a screening of The Rage in Placid Lake during the AFL Grand Final parade.
  9. I suffer from social anxiety disorder. It is horrible!
  10. When I was nine I hid a plastic bag of dead crabs I’d collected from the beach in our garage. Three months later the source of the stench was discovered by my rather angry parents.
  11. My ex-girlfriend once bought me a hat that made me look like I was communist dictator.
  12. My finest fancy dress moment was Superman.
  13. I once threw a chocolate éclair at my German teacher but the detention was worth it as no-one bothered to tell him he had cream in his beard all morning.
  14. I once stripped to Britney SpearsOops I did it again in a nightclub in Inverness.
  15. Yes, I was removed from the nightclub by two bouncers. They kept my shirt!
  16. I wrote a novel at the age of 14.
  17. I was diagnosed bipolar in 2007. Since 2009 I have had this diagnosis altered and reinstated five times, with long periods of no treatment, medication or support inbetween. Which is probably why I’ve ended up as unstable as I am.
  18. My favourite food is a Jacket Potato.
  19. I once streaked down Rundle Mall in order to win a spank bet with a woman I’d just met.
  20. I cried at the end of Monsters Inc.
  21. From August 2009 to March 2012 I was homeless. If you go by the recent redefinition, I’ve been homeless since June 2007.
  22. The only movie that has ever scared me is the animated version of Watership Down.
  23. I visit the library at least five days a week.
  24. My current reading record is 29 books in a month.
  25. I have never watched an episode of Masterchef.
  26. Whilst working at a motorway service station I served coffee to Jeremy Irons.
  27. I have been living in Australia since 2002.
  28. In 2010 I fulfilled a lifelong dream of hugging a wombat.
  29. I completed Zelda: Ocarina of Time in nineteen hours.
  30. I’ve always wanted to make it 50 Pringles.
  31. In 2007 I successfully convinced a hotel to give me a free suite for the night because I was a successful author and would plug them in my next book if they did.
  32. When I was nine my parents grounded me for disobeying their order that I wasn’t to watch Doctor Who.
  33. I have been a Doctor Who fan ever since.
  34. I was once called ‘evil’ for being a fan of this television show.
  35. Whilst at college I directed and starred in a short film where I played a serial killer.
  36. Five years ago I was physically assaulted and anally raped by another man.
  37. My second favourite movie is Local Hero.
  38. I once had a short story published in a nationwide magazine, but only told two people.
  39. I cannot believe how anyone can be surprised by the end of the Sixth Sense. Most obvious plot twist – ever!
  40. When I returned to Scotland for the first time in six years I kissed the ground Bonnie Prince Charlie style.
  41. I believe in the Loch Ness Monster.
  42. I’ve attempted suicide several times in my life, most recently at the end of 2011.
  43. I once sent a script I’d written to the BBC. It was crap.
  44. I turned down a course at a well-known university for love.
  45. I have always wanted to visit Antarctica.
  46. My favourite sport is snooker.
  47. When I was seven I was crawling through a concrete pipe that formed part of a playground and decided to stand up without looking halfway through. Yes, there was blood!
  48. I do not – as far as I’m aware – have any allergies.
  49. I once got so drunk I got locked out of my backpacker hostel and ended up walking several miles to a 24 hour supermarket where I did a food shop at 4am.
  50. When I was in High-School I was undefeated master of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
  51. I suffer severe body image issues.
  52. My favourite Roald Dahl book is Matilda.
  53. My favourite Patrick White book is Voss.
  54. I hate mushrooms.
  55. When I first arrived in Australia I had a giggle-fit over the name of the ‘Whip’ chocolate bar. It’s been my favourite chocolate bar ever since.
  56. I was once registered and investigated as a missing person.
  57. I don’t like Robert De Nero.
  58. When I was in my mid-twenties I nearly fainted after hugging Colin Hay.
  59. I started self-harming when I was thirteen. Yes, boys self-harm too!
  60. My girlfriend once gave me seven hours of silent treatment for using the word “vagina” in a game of scrabble.
  61. I love hash browns.
  62. My equal-favourite film director is David Fincher.
  63. Sometimes I answer that question with David MacKenzie, my other equal-favourite, to see if anyone knows who he is.
  64. I drink alcohol on only four days a year.
  65. I have known five people who have killed themselves in my life. Four I mention here; the fifth is still too raw.
  66. I miss one of my old friends to the point of physical pain.
  67. I miss the pre-social networking, pre-mobile phone, pre-digital revolution era.
  68. I despise illegal drugs.
  69. My life will not be complete until I have been a caller on ‘Norman the Quiz’.
  70. Speaking of quizzes, I’ve always wanted to be a Trivia Show host.
  71. My favourite author is Charles De Lint.
  72. I have never read any of the Harry Potter books.
  73. I once announced my sexual fetish on an internationally acclaimed mainstream journalism website.
  74. I’m too anxious to announce my sexual fetish here, even though this is the only place I feel safe and I’m not ashamed of my desires.
  75. Yes, I’m a walking contradiction!
  76. When I was a fourteen I stole a book from the school library and have felt bad about it ever since.
  77. I used to hate that during every ‘gym’ class the teacher would make me take off my glasses. You try hit a cricket ball that you can’t see and tell me how much you’d like it!
  78. My favourite restaurant in Melbourne was the Vegetarian Orgasm.
  79. I love potato on pizzas.
  80. My parents once asked my siblings and I if they should start using spanking as a punishment. Still confused by that.
  81. I had a massive crush on my Geography teacher.
  82. I’ve suffered from insomnia for the last six and a half years.
  83. I once played a game of Germ Buster for nine hours (the time it took to travel from South Wales to Fort William with a two-hour stop in Glasgow)
  84. I love sleepy lizards.
  85. I can’t drive.
  86. I have always loved the “I never learned how to swim” scene in Wargames.
  87. I once deleted an entire novel I’d written in a state of severe depression. Yes, I regret it.
  88. When I was a kid I had five different paper routes.
  89. In Montreal, whilst attempting to speak French and request a bottom bunk, I asked the receptionist of a backpacker hostel if she could spank me before bed as it would help me sleep better. I didn’t realize my linguistic mistake until the next day when I checked a dictionary in a bookstore after her somewhat bewildered reaction.
  90. My favourite musical group is Runrig.
  91. I have always wanted to go to university.
  92. Since I started supporting the Melbourne Football Club, they’ve lost pretty much every match in spectacular fashion.
  93. I blame myself for their woes. But this could be paranoia.
  94. I’ve suffered from PTSD since the emotional abuse and subsequent rape in 2007.
  95. I once woke up to find a possum sleeping on my head.
  96. Due to anxiety, it once took me eleven hours to write a comment on a website that was two paragraphs long.
  97. Due to anxiety, it once took me nine days to write a comment on a website that was three paragraphs long!
  98. I’m far too honest for my own good.
  99. I once owned a cactus called Cookie Monster. It died after my girlfriend ‘accidentally’ pushed it out a four-story window.
  100. I once played Hansel in a school production of Hansel & Gretal, during which I spent the majority of the second act stuck in a cardboard cage. I see this as a metaphor/portent for my mental health problems.
  101. I’ve been socially isolated for five and a half of the last six years. Needless to say, I am now completely insane.

My life is an open blog, feel free to saunter around.

If you’d like to email me, you can.

If you’d like to Facebook me, you can, because I’ve recently rejoined.

If you’d like to read a timeline of important events in my life, you can.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below.

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31 thoughts on “About Me

  1. Thanks for your comments Addy. I must confess, I had a slight moment of anxiety when I saw the comments from “Addy”, as that is the moniker that my abusive ex also goes by.

    You can imagine my relief upon reading words of understanding, rather than the scathing attack I was anticipating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll admit when I saw the tag I was curiuos, so sorry for the moment of anxiety. There’ll be no scathing attacks from me. I’m less frightening than the Toilet Paper puppy (unless you have a fear of Toilet Paper carrying puppies, that is) :)

      Like

  2. Nice writing, best of luck into the future.

    Like

  3. Hi Addy! Thanks for following my blog. I’ve just been checking out yours – you have so much amazing stuff to say and I look forward to reading more. Keep up the writing!

    Like

  4. Ahoy! I have nominated you for the Booker Award – it’s probably the best award going around right now, so congratulations!!
    http://bitsnbooks.wordpress.com/2012/08/10/booker-award/

    Like

  5. this is my third year – socially isolated – and I’m nowhere as honest as you or think I could be. Can’t wait to read more of you.

    Like

    • Thanks for your comment :) I hope you enjoy exploring my blog and reading my rather eclectic posts. A long time ago I became so tired with all the masks I wore I just decided to stop and just be honest about my life, feelings and emotions. If people don’t like – or can’t handle – it, then that’s there problem. I rather like being this way :)

      Although I am much less honest in person. Once I’ve got to know someone that side of me will come through, but until then, the anxiety tends to keep me very quiet :)

      Like

  6. Pingback: The Brilliant Blog Award | Sunny With a Chance Of Armageddon

  7. Hey sweetie, I have nominated you for an award as your blog really touches me. Please see the link!
    http://thecurseofthesingleparent.com/2012/11/27/i-have-been-given-an-award/
    Hope you are well, big kisses xx

    Like

  8. Hey i am korean and i suffer from social phobial too. I always search social phobia on google and i found your blog today. I only read one post you wrote but it was like reading my own mind. I feel the same way with you everytime i have to face social situations. Today i almost panicked at the grocery cause i couldn’t ask the clerk what i need. My back was wet when i finally said that i need some meat for soup. It is painful to live like this.

    Like

  9. This blog is just insprational. Love the pictures, how you organized your about page and that you are so honest:)

    Like

  10. I found you searching ’emotional abuse’
    I am in the darkest place I could imagine – attempted suicide a week ago.
    Now, not sure where to from here.
    Can’t work, can barely go outside my parents house.

    What happened to me ?
    I ended a long relationship which I thought was unhealthy for both. Now it’s just a painful memory & two strangers.

    What happened to me ?? Please help

    Like

    • Hi,

      Thank you for your comment. From what you’ve written I couldn’t even begin to answer the question of what happened to you. You’ve certainly been through a lot recently which has taken you to some dark, frightening places. But the fact you are still here, trying to work through what has been happening is wonderful news! :)

      If you haven’t already done so I would recommend you seek some form of professional help, for example a GP who has mental health training (your local clinic should be able to help you with this) or a local mental health service.

      Having been in your position in the past, I know how hard and frightening things can seem sometimes, but seeking help is the best first option. It may not seem like it at times, but you are not alone in what you are feeling. There are people who understand and are willing to help however they can.

      I hope this reply finds you safe and please let me know how things go when you get the chance.

      Addy :)

      Like

  11. Hi =)
    woooow i´m very excited. Well done your blog is fantastic.
    So happy that I found this. =)

    Best wishes =)

    See you soon

    Like

    • Thank you for the kind words! I’m glad you’re liking my blog, knowing that other people enjoy it makes writing it all the more worthwhile! :)

      Like

      • This blog is great because its honest. I too am going through the worst hell imaginable which is how it feels when your mind is consumed by fear, depression and anxiety. My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing this. You are not alone.

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  12. You had at me at #1, as it made me giggle like a silly school-girl (as did #95, but I believe you when you say that’s not as much fun as it sounds. They remind me of giant rats – all claws and teeth!) Several made me sad for you, many of which I can relate to, particularly #01, which feels like my current status, as well. It’s a pleasure to meet you in this way. :)

    Like

  13. HI Addy, you’re very funny and honest about your dark parts.
    I came to your website because you commented on my work, integrated brain map, or i-brainmap. Thought you might be interested to know my book is coming out this week, same name, i-brainmap, freeing your brain for happiness. And my new website is just going live, which is why I’ve been sauntering around the internet googling my name, or perhaps that’s my paranoia.
    great blogging, best wishes
    Rita

    Like

    • Hi, thanks for the comment! :)

      My support worker at the mental health organisation I frequent mentioned you had a book coming out soon, so it’s good to know it’s hit the shelves. I’m looking forward to reading it as your i-brainmap has helped me greatly over the last twelve months! :)

      Kind regards
      Addy

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Great blog! Depression is so hard to deal with, but there is so much hope even so for a wonderful life. :)

    Like

    • Thanks for your comment. glad you enjoy my blog! Hope has long been one of my greatest weapons in my fight against mental illness. It is such a powerful thing, I would dread to think where I would be without hope for a better future! :)

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  15. I love your site and everything you’ve posted. I think you’re an inspiration to me and just everything I’ve gone through with my anxiety and depression and lupus and just everything. I think that you are an amazing person and I just love what you write about and I feel like I can connect with you. I’ve never been homeless but I do know what it feels like to be deminished to a point where you feel just so helpless. So I understand almost. Sorry if I rambled too much.

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  16. This was so enjoyable to read!! And I’m so intrigued by some of the things you said… I have the urge to go through your list again and ask you many, many questions… But I won’t because I’ll probably bore you lol I love reading your material and I honestly can’t wait until your next post, it is such a pleasure xx

    Like

  17. In the midst of feeling completely desperate and totally compelled to hurt myself, I came across a picture of your safe box then followed the link to your blog. Just reading the facts about you has calmed me down enough to not. Thank you.

    Like

    • I’m so glad you found my blog and that it stopped you from harming yourself. It makes me happy to know that I can help people, albeit in small ways. Be kind to yourself and have a super magnificent day! :)

      Like

  18. An interesting 101 random things about you. I’m enjoying your blog and have bookmarked it for more reading.

    If I may, I would like to invite you and your readers to visit the Virtual Therapist Network (https://www.virtualtherapistnetwork.com/) and consider sharing it with others who need help.

    Like

    • Thanks for the kind words about my blog. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading it. The Virtual Therapist Network looks like an interesting endeavor, I’ll look into it. Thanks for sharing! :)

      Like

  19. Dearest Addy,
    There’s a gentleman that always comes into my shop and he looks remarkably like yourself. Every time I see him I always think about you, and I always wonder how you are. I miss your posts and I miss our little conversations. I do so very hope you are well.
    Wishing you all the best,
    Your Friend – Charlotte xx

    Like

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