Dear Older Me,

Today’s prompt from the WordPress Daily Post blog is: write a letter to yourself in 20 years.

Dear Older Me,

You are probably dead.

Here’s hoping it was quick, painless and didn’t win a Darwin award.

Love and Hugs,

Younger You xx

PS: If you’re not dead:

◊ Give your wife a kiss and a bum squeeze from me. Don’t look at me like that! I’m you remember, only more Hobo-Chic than Silver Fox. There’s not a chance in hell you made it to fifty-three trapped in the same isolation you used to be in. You know as well as I that would have killed you long ago :) Besides, I know how hard you worked to get where you are because I’m the one doing all the hard work – and there’s no chance someone as awesome as us could work so hard and not get a payoff from it!

◊ Are you still writing All that I am, all that I ever was. Please tell me we’re at least in contention for longest running blog in the history of the world? You know that would be freakin’ awesome!

◊ I’m hoping that you told our family tales of yesteryear when you took them on a tour of Scotland. If you didn’t, why not? Seriously. Do you not remember how happy you were back them; gazing out over the loch hunting for Nessie (your kids will love that), hiking through Glen Nevis, taking boat trips to the Isle of Rum, skinny dipping in Loch Shiel? Okay, perhaps save that last one for your wife only, don’t want to scar the children for life! Hell, you better have fulfilled your fantasy of skinny dipping with someone in Loch Shiel…if not, the two of you should go back there this instant and get all nekkid! :p

◊ If I were to time-travel to a bookstore twenty years from now, will I be able to find a copy of The Ghosts That Haunt Me? Because if I do time-travel and I don’t find a copy with our name on it…you and I are going to have a serious conversation, young-at-heart man!

◊ If you haven’t already, you need to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past against those you love. They wouldn’t want you holding onto that guilt forever. Well, not all of them, anyway.

◊ Are your kids close to P&K’s kids? I’m seriously hoping that they are. If not, get to it!

◊ Please, please, for the love of all those mystical things in the shadows, tell me you never became homeless again? If you did, then we’re really gonna have that serious conversation!

◊ If you haven’t crossed at least 50% from your bucket list you’re going to have to promise me you’ll dedicate the next twelve months of your life to succeeding in that goal.

◊ If you haven’t crossed off item one – WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? DO IT NOW!

◊ And c’mon, am I not allowed to fantasize about giving future Mrs. Addy (or did you take her name…I bet you did, didn’t you?) a wee squeeze on her beautiful posterior? She probably secretly loves it. No way someone would have married you if they didn’t like the occasional surreptitious bum squeeze when you give them a passionate kiss :p

PPS: Rejoice! You finally wrote a PS longer than the body of the letter!

PPPS: In all seriousness, I hope that when you read this letter you will look back on the last twenty years of your life and be kind to yourself. Remember, but don’t dwell, on all the dark places you visited. Remember all those times when you wanted to give up, when you lived completely alone, when you had to fight the daily ‘getting out of bed’ battle, when your home was a park in Inner Melbourne.

And as you remember all those times, look around you; at your wife, at your children, at your home, at all the wonderful things in your life, and just let yourself have one moment, just one moment when (out of earshot of the kids) you stand up and proclaim “I fucking did it!”

Because you really are awesome, Mr. Used to be Addy til you took your wife’s name!

But hey, you don’t need me telling you that. You’ve known it all along.

You just didn’t believe it until now. :)

Great artists you’ve probably never heard of: #2. Paul Mounsey

With my NaNoWriMo project, my 30 Days of Kink, my daily WordPress prompts and the increasing stack of comments and emails I want to reply to, I seem to spend every waking minute of my life writing.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I love writing, but sometimes it’s important to take a step back to save ourselves from burning out.

Thus, here is the second installment of my (occasional) series celebrating music that is most definitely not mainstream. The artist I am highlighting today is one of my favourite instrumentalists of all time, the incredible Paul Mounsey.

My introduction to Paul Mounsey came from when I happened upon a copy of his album Nahoo in the Carton branch of Readings way back in 2003. It was a case of love at first listen, and in the nine years since, the four albums I have of his (Nahoo, NahooToo, Nahoo 3: Notes from the Republic and City of Walls) have become some of my most listened to albums of all time.

They have inspired my fiction, my soul and become a major component on the soundtrack of my life. Blending Scottish and South American rhythms Mounsey’s music tells the story of Scotland more than any other artist I’ve come across.

I love his music unconditionally, and hopefully, you will too.

Paul Mounsey (born 15 April 1959) is a composer, arranger and producer from Scotland.

He lived for over 20 years in Brazil. A graduate of Trinity College, London, where he studied with Richard Arnell, he has written for film, television, theatre, advertising and also for the Latin American pop market. He lectured for a short while at Goldsmiths College before moving on as creative director of Play It Again, one of the biggest commercial music houses in Brazil. He has also written articles on various aspects of music. He’s written pop hits for Mexican boy bands, has received commissions for chamber and multimedia works, has lived with and recorded the music of indigenous communities in the Amazon rainforest, and to date has released five solo albums.

[from Wikipedia]

Nahoo Nation

I once wrote a script for a silent short film with this piece of music as the inspiration. One of my favourite of Mounsey’s tracks.

North

This was used as the theme for a series of adverts from Tourism Scotland to promote this breathtaking country. The perfect choice. I have noticed some people have issues with the introduction of a rock element halfway through the track. Personally, this is what elevates the track from wonderful to something special.

Gad Ionndrainn

One of the most beautiful and haunting pieces of music I’ve ever heard.

Runrig with Paul Mounsey

In 2003 the Scottish group Runrig invited Paul Mounsey to arrange some of the tracks on their twelfth studio album, Proterra – and in so doing, nearly caused this Runrig/Mounsey uber-fan to die an over excited death in the reception area of a backpacker hostel (the first place I listened to this magnificent album!)

Proterra

The Old Boys

Other entries in this (occasional) series:

• Great artists you’ve probably never heard of: #1. Arab Strap

 

Sunday Stealing: Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does

Sunday Stealing originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser, who has now passed the baton to Mr Lance (who writes the blog Solitary Haze). Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

This week, we continue the epic 100 Question meme that began here and continued here.

Part 3: Past

34. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

How many people are going to say ‘their birth’?

Well, I’m not. Yes, that moment was rather pivotal to my life but there are other things that have happened since that have been instrumental in the direction my life has taken. For a start, my sister’s mental illness had long-term ramifications in my development, my own mental illness has had a major effect on the course of my life and then there was the emotional abuse I received, several months that erased my sense of self in every way, shape and form.

Interesting that all of these, including my birth, were not caused by me.

35. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I have three: (in no particular order)

1) My inner strength
2) Writing this blog to share my experiences with the world
3) Standing up for what I believe in

36. What is your greatest regret?

Again, I have three: (in no particular order)

1) Letting Grace down in 2008.
2) Not telling Annie how I felt about her.
3) Turning down the uni course I was offered in order to emigrate to Australia. Good choice! :p

37. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Letting Grace down in 2008. For someone who had always prided himself on being there for people I have never, nor probably ever will, forgive myself for what I did during that period. Although there were extenuating circumstances, there is no excuse for letting a friend down and I deserved everything that happened as a result of my evilness.

I also abhor some of the things I do when I’m manic. Being someone who respects women (in my top ten list of people I know that I admire, respect and aspire to, nine of them are female) I hate that I illicit misogynistic tendencies during these times of insanity; such as seeing women as conquests or randomly slapping stranger’s posteriors. Someone once told me I shouldn’t feel bad about it as some ‘non manic’ guys treat women far, far worse – but I can’t help but hate myself for these periods.

Aside from these I consider myself more ‘naughty’ than ‘evil’. The sort of mischievousnessthat requires a smacked backside rather than criminal prosecution and incarceration!

38. When was the time you were the most frightened?

Here are three occasions: (in no particular order)

1) When I was being abused; at it’s worst I was too scared to leave the house, speak, or engage with society in any way, shape or form, as I was terrified about what the repercussions would be.
2) When I was five and trapped on the toilet by that Tolkein-esque spider!
3) When I was sleeping rough; there is little that can be said to truly describe the feeling of having nothing and no-one.

39. What is your best memory?

I will list three: (in no particular order)

1) Spooning with Sammi after helping her realise a dream (2008)
2) Canada (2000)
3) Wednesday 26 September, 2007.

And then direct you to read two posts in which I shared some of my greatest, happy memories:

• Thirteen happy places
• My life in happy memories

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

At heart I am an optimist, but I’ve noticed throughout my life that many people mistake my realist streak for pessimism.

When I became homeless I stated that it would be years before I stood a chance of having a home and life again. This wasn’t because I was thinking negatively about what was in front of me, but because I assessed the situation realistically; 10-12 year waiting list for public housing, unsupported mental illness, isolation, no money or income…it would have been ridiculous of me to believe anyone could resolve these issues in a couple of weeks.

My abuser would often hone in on this and state I was lazy, selfish, negative and not working hard enough. Principally because I wasn’t dancing, going out on the piss, making new friends, learning how to drive, engaging in photography sessions or covering shifts at a job I’d quit twelve months earlier. Whereas I was positively looking forward to doing all of these things, and more, once I’d recovered from the glandular fever I was suffering from at the time.

41. What is your greatest fear?

Being trapped on a plane that is transporting hundreds of female psychiatrists, doctors, dentists, journalists and academics to an International Health Conference where I am the keynote speaker delivering a lecture on Arachnophobia. As such, the cargo hold is full of poisonous spiders – all of whom escape after a nasty period of turbulence breaks open their containers!

Hmmmm, methinks there’s a dodgy B-Movie in there somewhere. Trapped in a inescapable location, check. Vicious spiders, check. Plenty of opportunity for bulging bosoms, check. Handsome, sexy as fuck lead, check. Is it too late to change my NaNoWriMo idea? :p

42. What are your religious views?

Once upon a time I used to be, but not any more. I respect other people’s beliefs but instantly switch off when they try to push them onto me. I don’t go around trying to convert people into what I believe in, so I don’t see why others try to convert my to what they believe.

43. State a random opinion?

However much I love Firefly, I believe it is one of the most overrated television shows in the history of the medium and can completely understand why it was cancelled. It’s interesting that one of the guest stars of Firefly stars in another of the shows on my ‘most overrated’ list.

Cue Sunday brain teaser: who is this star and what is the show?

44. What are your views on sex?

Sex is something wonderful, beautiful, amazing, exciting, scintillating and blissful. It can result in one of the most powerful highs in the world, it’s one of the greatest medications there is for stress and depression and we are all far, far, far too judgemental about it.

We let people watch movies where people are decapitated, tortured, disembowelled and torn apart. We let children play video games where they get to do all of these things and more. But flash a nipple, bare a butt cheek or – horror of horrors – mention the word vagina and all hell breaks loose! Placards are raised, opinion pieces about the encroaching apocalypse are written and infomercials released to tell us all we’re going straight to hell for thinking such inhuman thoughts.

I’m a sexual person. I love having sex. I love thinking about sex. I love creating new positions, ideas and deviant devices. Yet I am made to feel ashamed of this side of my personality by a society that is way too judgemental about this day-to-day aspect of human life.

Why don’t we all just get over it and start having a bit of fun with the ones we love?

Three sexual things I choose to live by:

1) If it’s not consensual, it’s not sex. So if someone says no (be they male or female) you STOP!
2) No-one will ever be able to turn you on if you don’t know how to turn yourself on. So start exploring…now! :p
3) Someone’s sexuality is not the sole aspect of their personality. So stop judging, as there’s nothing that kills sexiness than discrimination.

See:

• Fifty Shades of Addy
• 30 Days of Kink
• One Night in Adelaide

45. Are you able to cook?

I make the greatest omelette sandwiches in the world. I can also make a mean coconut rice, potato bake, jacket potato and pesto pasta.

In fact, I’m actually not all that bad a cook at all. In my second and third relationships I did over 95% of the cooking (my second girlfriend cooked two meals for us throughout the entire six month relationship) and although I would never win Masterchef, I do win the occasional heart. Which is a far more valuable prize :p

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

Intentionally inflict pain on another human being. Whether it is physical, emotional or sexual in origin. Whether the victim is male, female, adult or child. All forms of abuse are completely insidious and should never be supported or defended in any way.

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

Yes. Although I don’t think there’s one for me.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?

Forget money, fame, power and control.

What makes a successful life is the ability to accept ourselves, our desires and our beliefs.

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings?

Far too, way too, stupidly (or courageously, depending on your point of view) honest.

Sometimes I am proud of this desire to communicate myself in every way, shape or form. Certainly it can be confronting, painful, raw, honest, embarrassing and – at times – downright humiliating. But there are other times when I question why I have a desire to share my soul in such a way. Why do I not hide myself like many others do? Why do I not have a wardrobe of masks to choose from any more?

I guess because I wore masks for many, many years, and all that period taught me was that I’m a much better person when I’m being myself and not caring about what others may or may not be thinking.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

No prejudices, or biases, really. But I dislike: (in no particular order)

1) Hypocrisy
2) Arrogance
3) Discrimination (of all types)

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

I refuse to hide who I am, pretend to be someone I’m not or change things that I love about myself so that others will like me.

I am who I am, if you can’t accept that, then you don’t deserve me.

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

No-one’s life is more important than anyone elses. I would be willing to die for anything; whether it be someone I care about, a family member, a friend, an old friend, a complete stranger, a cute wombat, or a cause/belief that I am passionate about.

{NSFW} 03. There was no light bulb moment

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

NaNoWriMo isn’t as easy as I’d ThItWouBe

Three days into NaNoWriMo and I’ve written a grand total of 2,387 words. This means I’m averaging 795 words per day. So if I remain at this rate I’ll be 26,130 words short of my 50,000 target come 30 November.

Methinks, I’m gonna have to up my game!

In all honesty, the problem arose when I realised the storyline I’d planned to write was failing spectacularly. So during a difficult conversation I realised that if I stood any chance of completing this challenge I’d have to start from scratch.

The only thing to do was rip up all the plot notes I had and start afresh; new subplots were devised, a couple of new characters were thrown into the mix and a crazy idea (which I still haven’t decided if I’m going to use) came to me somewhere between the supermarket and home.

For a couple of days I mulled over these revised ideas until I finally convinced myself I could (possibly, maybe…have some faith in yourself man!) make it work – even though fiction writing has become completely foreign to me given it’s been years – not months – since I wrote anything in this field.

But hey, it’s NaNoWriMo! As long as I get a draft written by 30 November, I’ll have as long as I want to edit it into something readable :p

So if you fancy reading some dodgy fiction, the prologue has been posted to Little Bit of Red. Chapter One will follow once I’ve given it a quick edit. After that, things will hopefully become a little easier :)

Mature Content Warning: Contains violence and bad language

Saturday 9: Key Largo

Saturday 9 is a weekly blogging meme hosted by Crazy Sam Winters (she added the crazy, not me!).

Every Saturday there will be nine questions – sometimes they will be around a common theme, other times completely random – to be answered however we like.

1) This song was inspired by the Bogart/Bacall movie of the same name. Do you have a favorite Humphrey Bogart film? 

Although far from my favourite Hepburn movie, Sabrina is one of the few Bogart movies I can remember seeing. Plus, Billy Wilder :)

2) Where do you rent movies? (Netflix, Redbox, OnDemand, etc.)

When I can afford to do so, I rent my movies from a little known service called a DVD rental store. Back in the day, they used to be rather popular. You could roam the shelves checking out movie after movie, indulge yourself in holding the DVD cover in your hand to peruse the synopsis and stills, spend some time debating whether the cleavage shot is really necessary (yes, Sleepy Hollow back cover, I’m looking at you!) and ask the staff cunning questions to find out just how knowledgeable they are in the realm of film and television.

3) Have you ever been to the Florida Keys?

I have never been to the Florida Keys. In fact, I’ve never stepped foot on American soil in my life. The closest I came was the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. Perhaps one day I shall visit, but in all honesty, the Florida Keys would be very low on my list of places to visit. (No offense to anyone in the Florida Keys intended :p)

4) According to government statistics, more than half the people who currently live in Florida were born in another state. Were you born in the state where you currently live?

I was not. I was born in a rather random town in Northern England called Leeds. I lived there for only a few months before we moved when my father got a new job, never to return.

5) To be honest, Crazy Sam really hates this week’s featured song. (Hear it here.) Do you like it? Loathe it? Or are you unfamiliar with it?

I do not know the song or artist. However, he has a remarkably entertaining beard :)

6) Local authorities in a suburb of Sydney blasted Barry Manilow songs into a neighborhood park to keep “hooligans” away after dark. Is there an artist or song that would make you run in the other direction?

New life goal: discover what suburb of Sydney this is so I can move there and begin crooning every night. Barry Manilow rocks!

However, if they were to start playing this song, I would run a country mile without ever looking back:

See also the Paul McCartney’s The Frog Song.

7) Two of the most common fears are going to the dentist and speaking in public. Do either of those really get under your skin?

Given I am open in suffering with social anxiety disorder, I am not afraid of dentists and speaking in public; I have an outright phobia about them! I would rather lock myself into a room playing the above song on repeat for an entire year than go anywhere near these two.

8) We’re having burgers. What do you want on yours?

The burger would have to be chicken breast, for I am not a fan of red meat in any way, shape or form. Toppings? Some crisp lettuce, pineapple, a sprinkling of cheese and a dash of bbq sauce would be lovely, thank you.

9) Here’s your chance to do a shameless plug. What charity or cause do you wish got more support?

“I once heard a story about a homeless man on Hollywood Blvd who really thought he was invisible. But one day a kid handed the man a Christian pamphlet. The homeless guy was shocked and amazed, “what! You can see me? How can you see me? I’m invisible!”

It isn’t hard to comprehend this man’s slow spiral into invisibility. Once on the street, people started to walk past him, ignoring him as if he didn’t exist… much like they do a piece of trash on the sidewalk. It’s not that people are bad, but if we make eye contact, or engage in conversation, then we have to admit they exist and that we might have a basic human need to care. But it’s so much easier to simply close our eyes and shield our hearts to their existence.

The purpose of this vlog is to make the invisible visible. I hope these people and their stories connect with you and don’t let go. I hope their conversations with me will start a conversation in your circle of friends. These are the real people, telling their own, very real stories… unedited, uncensored and raw.

The invisible guy didn’t intend to become homeless. I didn’t plan on living on the street. Everyone on the streets has their own story, some made bad decisions, others were victims, but none of them deserve what they have been left with, and it is a reflection of our own society that we just leave them there.

Please always remember, the homeless people you’ll ignore today were much like you not so long ago.”

from InvisiblePeople.tv