All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Sunday Stealing: Growing Up

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Sunday Stealing originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser, who has now passed the baton to Mr Lance (who writes the blog Solitary Haze). Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

This week, we continue the epic 100 Question meme that began last week :)

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?

Until my teenage years I would use the rather boring term ‘normal’ to describe my childhood.

16. What is your earliest memory?

My earliest memory is of walking to the local library in Treharris all by my lonesome. I always remember it being approximately 5 or 6 miles from my house but according to my parents it was closer to 100 metres and my parents stood in the doorway watching my every step. But still, my earliest memory is of walking to the library! Quite chuffed with that :)

17. How much schooling have you had?

Everything up to and including A-Level, and then a year-long college course in Television, Photography and Sound Production. I have had opportunities to do more tertiary education (including a uni course and a CAE course that would have been a pathway into Uni and beyond) but they failed due to my own mistakes and my inability to see what cunning plan my abuser was about to unleash.

18. Did you enjoy school?

I enjoyed the learning, the girls in netball skirts  and the writing – but I didn’t enjoying the bullying and the social anxiety.

19. Stop and count, Since you were born until today; how many homes have you lived in?

Approximately 80, when you include my ‘homes’ whilst sleeping rough.

Leeds | Treharris (x2) | Portlethen (x2) | Caldicot | Inverness | Mull | Inverness (again, x3) | Elwood | Fairfield | Fitzroy | Melbourne | Caldicot | Inverness (again, x2) | Melbourne (again, x3) | Kings Domain | Preston [BH] | Frankston [BH] | Brunswick [BH] | East Preston [BH] | Reservoir [BH] |  Glenroy [BH] | Tent | Here | and approximately 50 random places in different parks, suburbs and towns whilst sleeping rough.

Note – [BH means Boarding House, Tent means a tent, not an obscurely named suburb or town, Here means where I am now]

20. While growing up, did you have any role models?

Indiana Jones.

Also; Matilda, Lloyd Dobler, a teacher at school, Roald Dahl and my dad.

21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

I got on well with other members of my family, until my sister’s mental illness developed, and then things got difficult.

Indiana Jones comic books

22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Happy. But also a writer…and Indiana Jones.

23. What were your favorite activities 3 years ago?

Three years ago I was living in a park in Melbourne so my activities revolved around: finding somewhere safe to sleep, trying to retain mental stability (and failing spectacularly), queuing at the soup van for food poisoned sausage rolls and wondering what I’d done to deserve this existence of pain and misery.

But if you factor this out, my favourite activities have been the same for nearly fifteen years: writing, reading, movies, trivia nights, hanging out with friends, adventuring (still trying to be Indiana Jones), sex, kimnyking, and constantly challenging myself to become a better version of myself.

24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Shyness. Creativity. Compassion. Determination. Strength. Naughtiness.

25. As a child, were you popular?

Depends on your definition of popular.

Was I the muscular jock that all the cheerleaders wanted to get with…no, definitely not.

Was I the popular object of derision, insult, bullying and abuse…most certainly!

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?

My first kiss was when I was twenty-two (yeah, I know…it’s all part of the perils of being socially anxious!)

Whilst studying at Inverness College I decided to visit the island of Berneray (in the Outer Hebrides) for a quiet, uneventful New Year. On my first night there a woman named Louise appeared out of the darkness and I was immediately enchanted by her hypnotic eyes, heart-warming smile and excellent posterior.

After a fair amount of flirting throughout the first twenty-four hours we found a drinking game stashed away on the hostel bookshelf and began playing. Somewhat tipsy we took a break and I went outside for a cigarette (at the time I was smoking cherry menthol rolling tobacco with liquorice papers) and she stood there staring at me with a cheeky grin on her face.

“Could I kiss you?” She said, awaiting a response.

Nervous to the extreme – but desperately wanting to lock lips  – I nodded yes and she took a few steps closer, tossed the cigarette to the ground and threw herself upon me as if suddenly possessed by a voracious kissing demon. After a few uncertain moments she pulled back and looked at me, completely aware my entire body was shaking uncontrollably.

“You’re shaking,” She whispered, rubbing my arms.

“Sorry, it’s…I…well…I’ve never…kissed anyone…before,”

She smiled sweetly and started kissing me again, much more slowly, not caring one bit that I was doing my best vibrator impersonation.

27. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

There are numerous and many. I spoke of my sister’s mental illness and how it affected me here; I spoke of my social anxiety and how it affected my development and education here; I spoke of my self-harm here; in fact I am acutely aware of how childhood and teenage events have led me into this life of isolation and poverty.

28. What’s next?

Frack knows. But whatever it is, it better be more enjoyable than the ‘life’ I’ve been living for the last five and a half years!

English: The Machair towards West beach, Isle ...

The Machair, Isle of Berneray, Outer Hebrides. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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4 thoughts on “Sunday Stealing: Growing Up

  1. You are so honest and forthright, I many times struggle in how to comment on your posts. I truly hope that what ‘s next for you will make your life more enjoyable

    Like

  2. I’m sorry that you were living in a park three years ago and glad that you made it through that stage of your life. I wish I could remember my first kiss as well as you do yours.

    Like

  3. There’s something beautiful about not having your first kiss until you’re an adult. Not in the creepy, American-Christian “no touching til marriage” way, but just because you remember it more clearly. i wish i could remember my first kiss.

    i didn’t have sex until i was twenty-two and i remember it pretty well; i wonder sometimes if i would remember it as well if i had been 16 or 17? i doubt it. my memory is terrible.

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  4. I absolutely adore your writing style!!!! <3 it! :) And… truthfully, you LIVED in a tent? WOW!!!

    Like

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