All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


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Sunday Stealing: Challenge Accepted!

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

The 5000 question meme has been tormenting bloggers for years. I have not found anyone that has completed it.

Maybe in 10 years or so we can get it done! :)

5000questions

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically?

I don’t remember what happiness feels like mentally, let alone physically.

If I ever feel this mythical emotion again, I’ll be sure to let you know what it feels like.

102. List five things you love starting with the one you love the absolute most.

Assisting others to achieve their dreams, hopes and desires.
Broccoli.
Cunnilingus (What? I love this! :p)
Doctor Who.
Exhilarating, inspiring, well written, passionate writing (whether it be fiction or non-fiction)

What? I thought the letters meant we had to do them alphabetically! :p

103. How many movies have you gone to see this year?

I have seen only one film in the cinema this year and that was the disgrace that was The Hobbit.

Okay, perhaps ‘disgrace’ is too strong a word. Ian McKellen was magnificent (as always), Martin Freeman was a wonderful Bilbo, it was awesome seeing Sylvester McCoy (albeit in an unfairly derided role) and the visuals (although not as stunning as LOTR) were incredible. However, aside from the ‘Riddles in the Dark’ scene; it was overlong, overpopulated, tedious, boring and riddled with conflicting styles from one too many producers.

Other films I have seen this year are: Silver Linings Playbook (I didn’t jump on the Jennifer Lawrence bandwagon, I’ve been on it since I first saw Winter’s Bone years ago) and ummmmm…that’s about it. I can’t handle the cinema at the moment and I’ve been on a TV series kick the last couple of months.

Sorry.

104. If you could have 3 wishes…but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?

1) That my sister receives the help she needs in order to become the amazing human being she has the power to become.
2) That the people I love and care about (including those from my past) live the long, happy, healthy, productive, awesome lives they deserve to have.
3) That the world becomes a more loving, caring and compassionate place – free of the sociopathic narcissistic behaviour we’ve been fostering for decades.

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense?

Ummmm…I’m afraid I can’t really answer this now as yesterday I worked my ass off on next week’s Thursday Thirteen post, which happens to be on this very topic!

So check back on Thursday…mmmkay? :)

106. How much money would it take to get you to sell your blog address?

I would never consider selling my blog, not even for ten squillion dollars. I don’t do this for money (hence the complete lack of advertising on the blog) I do this for me.

There are always more important things in life than money.

107. Have you ever been hunting?

Nope. Never will be either.

108. Have you attempted this 5000 question meme in the past?

I’ve never heard of this magnificent meme until today.

However, to quote one of my favourite sitcoms…challenge accepted! ;)

109. What do you think of cloning?

It’s one of the most annoying and uninspired science-fiction tropes in the history of the genre.

As for in reality…why, just why?

110. Do you read or watch TV more often?

I probably read more than I watch TV because, as I have frequently mentioned in the past, I don’t receive television reception so am unable to watch anything on the hulking great beast that sits in the corner of my lounge room unless it’s played through a DVD player.

And that’s not watching TV, it’s watching a DVD, which is something completely different! :p

111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety?

I’m a socially isolated, mentally ill, (ex)homeless man…do you seriously think the world gives a rat’s ass about my rights, freedoms or safety!?

112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive?

Irrelevant question as the man is now dead.

But if he wasn’t?

I am not nor have never been a man driven by vigilante vengeance, so I would turn him over to the relevant authorities to decide punishment.

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body?

Yes.

What? It’s a closed yes/no question. It’s not asking for me to tell you what I’ve named my various body parts! Which is your loss…just think how much more interesting this answer could have been if someone learned how to ask questions properly! :p

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV?

This question was in last week’s Sunday Stealing. Just saying.

115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes?

Nope! :(

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition?

Throughout my life I’ve won only a handful of things:

1) Age 7: Three books for painting the local Church (or to clarify, for painting a picture of the local church).

2) Age 15: A book for entering a competition in Doctor Who Monthly (ergo, it’s not a leap to suggest the book was Doctor Who related!)

3) Age 16: Another book for entering a competition in Doctor Who Monthly (ditto!)

4) Age 20: The ‘most insane backpacker award’ for skulling a concoction made up of: beer, wine, whisky, vodka, coca-cola, milk, nuts, wood chippings, ash, cigarette butts and hair (it’s safe to say that I was completely drunk at the time and this wasn’t an actual award)

5) Age 27: $480 from a $1 stake on a pokie machine (I won the jackpot on the very first press of the button)

from The Sunshine Award: I dont’ win many awards, so when I do I feel happy and humbled

12

Me, skulling the aforementioned concoction (and wearing a ridiculously yellow T-Shirt!)

117. Have you ever watched The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross
(check out this link if you don’t know who he is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Ross_(painter)?)

I have never heard of this show nor of the allegedly famous host. I will however say…freaking awesome hair! I want me some of that! :p

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grandparents did for a living?

Although I’m not 100% sure, I seem to remember my grand-father used to clean Nelson’s Column (the statue, not the entendre). I have no idea what my grand-mother, other grand-parents or great-grandparents did for a living.

So I will say they were demon-hunters and leave it at that!

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history?

Other than the fact my great-grandparents spent their days (allegedly) hunting and slaying demons?

My grand-father once met Winston Churchill, one of my great-aunts spent the better part of her life in a psychiatric institution (courtesy of Post Natal Depression), one of my relatives fought at the battle of Culloden, one of my great-great-cousins was a school teacher (what? I find that interesting) and us Lake’s have infiltrated virtually every corner of the world; UK, US, Canada, Australia, Belgium, Russia, South America, New Zealand and China!

I can neither confirm nor deny whether this global infiltration has anything to do with a generations old plan for world domination.

120. Is there anyone you trust completely?

No. There is no-one I trust in this world, let alone trust completely. Trust leads to abuse which leads to pain…with a helluva lot of betrayal thrown in for good measure!

trust


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Sunday Stealing: Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does

Sunday Stealing originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser, who has now passed the baton to Mr Lance (who writes the blog Solitary Haze). Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

This week, we continue the epic 100 Question meme that began here and continued here.

Part 3: Past

Looking Into the Past: Union Station Square, Washington, DC

34. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

How many people are going to say ‘their birth’?

Well, I’m not. Yes, that moment was rather pivotal to my life but there are other things that have happened since that have been instrumental in the direction my life has taken. For a start, my sister’s mental illness had long-term ramifications in my development, my own mental illness has had a major effect on the course of my life and then there was the emotional abuse I received, several months that erased my sense of self in every way, shape and form.

Interesting that all of these, including my birth, were not caused by me.

35. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I have three: (in no particular order)

1) My inner strength
2) Writing this blog to share my experiences with the world
3) Standing up for what I believe in

36. What is your greatest regret?

Again, I have three: (in no particular order)

1) Letting Grace down in 2008.
2) Not telling Annie how I felt about her.
3) Turning down the uni course I was offered in order to emigrate to Australia. Good choice! :p

37. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Letting Grace down in 2008. For someone who had always prided himself on being there for people I have never, nor probably ever will, forgive myself for what I did during that period. Although there were extenuating circumstances, there is no excuse for letting a friend down and I deserved everything that happened as a result of my evilness.

I also abhor some of the things I do when I’m manic. Being someone who respects women (in my top ten list of people I know that I admire, respect and aspire to, nine of them are female) I hate that I illicit misogynistic tendencies during these times of insanity; such as seeing women as conquests or randomly slapping stranger’s posteriors. Someone once told me I shouldn’t feel bad about it as some ‘non manic’ guys treat women far, far worse – but I can’t help but hate myself for these periods.

Aside from these I consider myself more ‘naughty’ than ‘evil’. The sort of mischievousnessthat requires a smacked backside rather than criminal prosecution and incarceration!

38. When was the time you were the most frightened?

Here are three occasions: (in no particular order)

1) When I was being abused; at it’s worst I was too scared to leave the house, speak, or engage with society in any way, shape or form, as I was terrified about what the repercussions would be.
2) When I was five and trapped on the toilet by that Tolkein-esque spider!
3) When I was sleeping rough; there is little that can be said to truly describe the feeling of having nothing and no-one.

39. What is your best memory?

I will list three: (in no particular order)

1) Spooning with Sammi after helping her realise a dream (2008)
2) Canada (2000)
3) Wednesday 26 September, 2007.

And then direct you to read two posts in which I shared some of my greatest, happy memories:

Thirteen happy places
My life in happy memories

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

At heart I am an optimist, but I’ve noticed throughout my life that many people mistake my realist streak for pessimism.

When I became homeless I stated that it would be years before I stood a chance of having a home and life again. This wasn’t because I was thinking negatively about what was in front of me, but because I assessed the situation realistically; 10-12 year waiting list for public housing, unsupported mental illness, isolation, no money or income…it would have been ridiculous of me to believe anyone could resolve these issues in a couple of weeks.

My abuser would often hone in on this and state I was lazy, selfish, negative and not working hard enough. Principally because I wasn’t dancing, going out on the piss, making new friends, learning how to drive, engaging in photography sessions or covering shifts at a job I’d quit twelve months earlier. Whereas I was positively looking forward to doing all of these things, and more, once I’d recovered from the glandular fever I was suffering from at the time.

41. What is your greatest fear?

Being trapped on a plane that is transporting hundreds of female psychiatrists, doctors, dentists, journalists and academics to an International Health Conference where I am the keynote speaker delivering a lecture on Arachnophobia. As such, the cargo hold is full of poisonous spiders – all of whom escape after a nasty period of turbulence breaks open their containers!

Hmmmm, methinks there’s a dodgy B-Movie in there somewhere. Trapped in a inescapable location, check. Vicious spiders, check. Plenty of opportunity for bulging bosoms, check. Handsome, sexy as fuck lead, check. Is it too late to change my NaNoWriMo idea? :p

42. What are your religious views?

Once upon a time I used to be, but not any more. I respect other people’s beliefs but instantly switch off when they try to push them onto me. I don’t go around trying to convert people into what I believe in, so I don’t see why others try to convert my to what they believe.

43. State a random opinion?

However much I love Firefly, I believe it is one of the most overrated television shows in the history of the medium and can completely understand why it was cancelled. It’s interesting that one of the guest stars of Firefly stars in another of the shows on my ‘most overrated’ list.

Cue Sunday brain teaser: who is this star and what is the show?

44. What are your views on sex?

Sex is something wonderful, beautiful, amazing, exciting, scintillating and blissful. It can result in one of the most powerful highs in the world, it’s one of the greatest medications there is for stress and depression and we are all far, far, far too judgemental about it.

We let people watch movies where people are decapitated, tortured, disembowelled and torn apart. We let children play video games where they get to do all of these things and more. But flash a nipple, bare a butt cheek or – horror of horrors – mention the word vagina and all hell breaks loose! Placards are raised, opinion pieces about the encroaching apocalypse are written and infomercials released to tell us all we’re going straight to hell for thinking such inhuman thoughts.

I’m a sexual person. I love having sex. I love thinking about sex. I love creating new positions, ideas and deviant devices. Yet I am made to feel ashamed of this side of my personality by a society that is way too judgemental about this day-to-day aspect of human life.

Why don’t we all just get over it and start having a bit of fun with the ones we love?

Three sexual things I choose to live by:

1) If it’s not consensual, it’s not sex. So if someone says no (be they male or female) you STOP!
2) No-one will ever be able to turn you on if you don’t know how to turn yourself on. So start exploring…now! :p
3) Someone’s sexuality is not the sole aspect of their personality. So stop judging, as there’s nothing that kills sexiness than discrimination.

See:

Fifty Shades of Addy
30 Days of Kink
One Night in Adelaide

45. Are you able to cook?

I make the greatest omelette sandwiches in the world. I can also make a mean coconut rice, potato bake, jacket potato and pesto pasta.

In fact, I’m actually not all that bad a cook at all. In my second and third relationships I did over 95% of the cooking (my second girlfriend cooked two meals for us throughout the entire six month relationship) and although I would never win Masterchef, I do win the occasional heart. Which is a far more valuable prize :p

46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

Intentionally inflict pain on another human being. Whether it is physical, emotional or sexual in origin. Whether the victim is male, female, adult or child. All forms of abuse are completely insidious and should never be supported or defended in any way.

47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

Yes. Although I don’t think there’s one for me.

48. What do you believe makes a successful life?

Forget money, fame, power and control.

What makes a successful life is the ability to accept ourselves, our desires and our beliefs.

49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings?

Far too, way too, stupidly (or courageously, depending on your point of view) honest.

Sometimes I am proud of this desire to communicate myself in every way, shape or form. Certainly it can be confronting, painful, raw, honest, embarrassing and – at times – downright humiliating. But there are other times when I question why I have a desire to share my soul in such a way. Why do I not hide myself like many others do? Why do I not have a wardrobe of masks to choose from any more?

I guess because I wore masks for many, many years, and all that period taught me was that I’m a much better person when I’m being myself and not caring about what others may or may not be thinking.

50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

No prejudices, or biases, really. But I dislike: (in no particular order)

1) Hypocrisy
2) Arrogance
3) Discrimination (of all types)

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

I refuse to hide who I am, pretend to be someone I’m not or change things that I love about myself so that others will like me.

I am who I am, if you can’t accept that, then you don’t deserve me.

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

No-one’s life is more important than anyone elses. I would be willing to die for anything; whether it be someone I care about, a family member, a friend, an old friend, a complete stranger, a cute wombat, or a cause/belief that I am passionate about.