Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of A Daily Rhythm.
Anyone can play along with Teaser Tuesdays! Just do the following:
• Grab your current read • Open to a random page • Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page • Be careful not to include spoilers! • Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!
Day 08: A song that reminds you of your “first love”.
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Hallelujah | Jeff Buckley
My first visit to Berneray, an island in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland, occurred in February 2000. After long-terming in a backpacker hostel, myself and two friends decided to do some traveling and opted for the Western Isles. After touring Lewis and Harris we boarded a ferry, crossed the Sound of Harris, and arrived on Berneray shortly after lunch. Almost immediately we were spellbound by the island’s scenery, location and atmosphere. The following morning we sat outside the hostel, on the shore of the island, watching the sun rise over the ocean. We were all speechless, completely hypnotized by the stunning spectacle before us.
Ten months later, after months of traveling Canada and beginning college, I decided I wanted to spend New Year somewhere special. And the only place that came to mind was Berneray. It had lived in my heart throughout the entire year, a memory of happiness, of solace and of contentment. After months of traveling around Canada, making and losing friends and navigating the intricacies of a college education, I needed the joy of Berneray, of that memory with my friends, to see me through into 2001.
So, early in the morning on the 29th December, I set off on the long journey. A train ride, a bus ride, a ferry ride and another bus ride later, I was standing on the shore of Berneray’s east coast, the same spot where I had sat ten months earlier watching a spectacular sunset. I was alone. But I was happy.
Later that night I was busying myself with journal writing when some fellow travelers arrived at the hostel. One was an elderly Englishman. The other, a twentysomething Australian. Almost instantly I was smitten with the Australian’s contagious smile, sparkling eyes and cheeky sense of humor. I didn’t say much, but I introduced myself, told her I was a student and listened intently to stories from her traveling adventure. I found out her name was Louise and that she was on the UK leg of a world-traveling adventure. She had been to Thailand, Europe, Ireland and had decided to come to Scotland to look for work. She had bumped into the Englishman in a hostel in Glasgow and, after being told of the oasis that was Berneray, had been invited to come along for the New Year.
We did little but talk and flirt that first night. Eventually succumbing to our tiredness and slinking off to our respective bedrooms, no doubt to dream about the other. The next morning we got talking again and, after being invited, I accompanied them on a tour around the local landscape, stopping off at a variety of food stores to stock up for the coming days. That night, after returning to the hostel, Louise and I got talking again. We ended up playing a drinking game that had been left at the hostel and, midway through, after excusing myself for a cigarette break, we stood out the front of the hostel. A blanket of stars above us. The gently rolling sound of the surf beside us. It was then when, out of the blue, Louise asked the question that would change my life: “Can I kiss you?”
If Louise hadn’t asked this question there is no way my anxiety riddled mind would have been able to make a move on her, no matter how much I wanted to. And if I hadn’t made a move, if that kiss hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I would never have moved to Australia. I would never have managed a backpacker hostel. I would never have met Kathy or Grace or Mae. I would never have had a breakdown. That kiss, that singular moment, changed the course of my life. And, after all the chaos and pain, after everything that has happened to me, if I could go back and change it. To shake some sense into myself. To stop that kiss from ever occurring. There isn’t a part of me that would.
For that kiss led to my first relationship. Within days of meeting, Louise decided to accompany me back to Inverness. She moved into my bedsit and we began a relationship that would last five and a half years. A period of time that, for the most part, was full of happiness and joy. As we sat on the ferry at Lochmaddy, awaiting the crossing to Uig, Louise slipped a CD into her discman and popped an earbud into my ear. She wanted to play me a song, one of her favourites, to start our adventure off on the right note. I had never heard of the artist – Jeff Buckley – before. I had never heard of the song – Hallelujah – before. But I was enchanted from the moment his breath hit the headphones.
Hallelujah would go on to become the most important song in my life. It will forever be a reminder of my first relationship, of my first love, and of how quickly, and unexpectedly, life can change.
I wrote a few articles for a site that offers support to people with personality disorders quite awhile ago. I decided to share the information about C-PTSD in here as well. :)
What is C-PTSD?
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) results from chronic or long-term exposure to emotional trauma over which a victim has little or no control and from which there is little or no hope of escape, such as in cases of:
domestic emotional, physical or sexual abuse
childhood emotional, physical or sexual abuse
entrapment or kidnapping.
slavery or enforced labour.
long term imprisonment and torture
repeated violations of personal boundaries.
exposure to gaslighting or false accusations.
long-term taking care of mentally ill or chronically sick family members.
long term exposure to crisis conditions.
When someone has been trapped in a situation and had little or no control at any point, they can carry an intense sense…
Well, I’ve been incapacitated over the last couple of days with some sort of stomach bug/virus/assault on my immune system, but I’m not going to let that interfere with my participation of Sunday Stealing. So I’ve doped up on drugs (all legal, over the counter ones) in preparation for this week’s meme, which was kindly swiped from Gabs survey. So settle back and join me on another random adventure! :)
(2) I do love Scottish terriers, because they’re cute and from Scotland!
1. Have you ever had a pen pal?
Not really. After I moved from Scotland to Wales as a child, I kept in contact with some of my friends, but the communication was sparse and only lasted a few months. It is, after all, incredibly difficult maintaining a relationship over several hundred miles, especially at such a young age. Although it probably doesn’t count as a ‘pen pal’, the long distance relationship I maintained with Louise, whilst she was in Australia and I the UK, involved dozens of letters, care packages and surprise phone calls in order to keep our relationship afloat.
2. What’s your favorite breed of dog?
To be honest I’m more of a cat person, but I do love Scottish terriers, because they’re cute and from Scotland! :)
3. Can money buy happiness?
No. There is no amount of money on the planet, not even a quadrillion billion dollars, that can buy someone happiness. It only buys the illusion of happiness.
4. Do you listen to music when you’re down?
Sometimes. I’m more of a TV/Film person when I’m down. There’s something soothing curling up on the couch to watch my favourite show/movie that never fails to cheer me up. Which is why, over the last few days of my illness, I’ve spent my time blanketed up on the sofa working my way through seasons of Doctor Who.
5.What is one thing you spend way too much money on?
Coca-Cola; my most frustrating and unquenchable of vices.
Although, it should be noted, that up to a couple of weeks ago my answer to this question would have been tobacco. But since giving up I have spent only $14.10 on this product. Something I am eternally happy (and deeply proud) of! :)
(5) Coca-Cola; my most frustrating and unquenchable of vices.
6.Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
No. I’m sick with some annoying bug, which is increasing my depression, and causing untold damage to my anxiety. Throw in the constant battle I have with PTSD and related trauma issues…and I’m really not okay. In fact, it’s been several years since I would have answered ‘yes’ to this question.
7.What was the last thing you spent money on?
Panadol. I’ve just got back from a short walk to the local pharmacy to stock up on this delightful painkiller. It’s not something I wanted to do. I was quite happy curled up on the couch. But I was in pain, and had used the last of my Panadol last night, so I was forced to acquire new stock.
8.Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
Yes. A dark blonde/hazel coloured concoction. The last time my hair wasn’t its natural colour was in mid-2007, after I dyed it a tragic shade of red whilst lost to the pain and trauma of mental breakdown. To this day I’ve never been able to explain why I chose such a shocking colour to dye my hair, but dye it I did, and looked like a massive tool for a couple of months. Just the ramifications of a mental breakdown, I guess.
9.Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?
No-one. I haven’t sent a text message in months. One of the downsides of living a socially isolated, lonely life! :(
10.Were you in a good mood last night?
No. I was sick and feeling nauseous much of the evening. One of the downsides of a viral infection! :(
(10) No. I was sick and feeling nauseous much of the evening. One of the downsides of a viral infection!
11.Do you have a reason to smile right now?
Not really. As I have explained, I’m not in the best of physical health right now, and few people smile their way through an illness. It’s zapped me of all energy and left me pretty deflated. I’m hoping it’s not going to last for much longer as, after my pancreatitis and cyst earlier this year, I’m pretty over being ill this year. I could do with a few months feeling relatively ‘normal’.
12. How often do you hold back what you want to say?
Always. It’s one of the perils of social anxiety. Rarely do I speak what’s on my mind, rarely do I say what I really want to say. I’m too scared of upsetting people, of creating an (avoidable) confrontational situation, to do such a proactive thing. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t the case, sometimes I wish I could unleash what I really thought, but I can’t see that happening any time in the near future.
13. Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place?
Up until this year, I did, but I lost hope for a better future sometime around my hospital stay in January/February. I now no longer believe that things will get better. I firmly believe that my life will be this miserable, lonely, socially ostracized nightmare for the rest of time. It’s frustrating, but until I can rediscover my hope, it’s how things have to be.
14.Are you currently looking forward to anything?
The only thing on the horizon that I’m looking forward to is a holiday to Melbourne. It’s not confirmed as yet, but I’m hoping to go the week of 21st August as there’s a gathering I’ve been invited to which would be a wonderful challenge for my anxiety. The rest of the week would be spent re-exploring my old home, visiting galleries and museums and generally enjoying a break from my humdrum, monotonous life. It’s what I need at the moment after such a rough, hope-lost year! :)
15.Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
Yes. To name a few: Eureka (all seasons), Nikita (all seasons), Supernatural (seasons 1-9), Doctor Who (series 1,2,3,4,5,6), Game of Thrones (seasons 1 thru 4), 24 (all seasons), True Blood (all seasons), Twin Peaks (seasons 1 and 2), Parks and Recreation (seasons 1,2,3,4,5,6) and Stargate Universe (seasons 1 and 2). I am a huge lover of the medium of television and have been most of my life. In fact, when they started released TV shows on DVD, my life was made infinitely better. So thank you to all manufacturers of such DVDs; you have made me a blissfully happy man! :)
(15) Thank you to all manufacturers of [TV Show] DVDs; you have made me a blissfully happy man!
And that’s it for another week. I hope everyone is feeling both physically and mentally better than I am at the moment. We’ll be back to do the whole Sunday Stealing thing at the same time next week! Until then, wishing you all a happy, joyous Sunday! :)
Day 07: A song that reminds you of the past summer
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Sirens | My Friend the Chocolate Cake
With my pancreatitis. With feeling sick. With spending much of my past summer lying in a hospital bed. I didn’t listen to much music. What radio I listened to was of the talk variety; soothing voices to settle my troubled, pained soul. Truth be told, I can’t think of one song I listened to, be it an old classic or a contemporary number.
So, to answer today’s prompt, I’ve decided to share a song that reminds me of all summers.
Ever since arriving in Australia I have hated the months of December, January and February. I’ve hated the suffocating, humid heat, despised the endless, balmy nights and abhorred the vast quantities of sweat that pour from my body during this miserable time. And one song, above all others, captures the feel of an abhorrent Australian summer.
Yesterday, I had a major set-back in my quit smoking endeavor. After a brutal night of no sleep, intrusive thoughts and flashbacks (courtesy of my bedfellow, PTSD) I turned to my age-old coping mechanism and puffed my way through a pack of smokes. I was angry with myself. I was annoyed with myself. But there is little I can do about it now other than slap my own butt and start the day anew. So. Instead of smoking I’ve decided to Thursday Thirteen my way through the morning, with thirteen things you can do instead of smoking. Hopefully writing it will renew my determination and help others struggling with this crazy thing called quitting smoking.
So without further ado…
Thirteen things to do instead of smoking
~ in no particular order ~
~1~ Exercise!
So you’re craving a cigarette? You need that sweet feeling nicotine gives you? Stop. Take a breath. And go for a walk instead. If you don’t feel like walking, go for an endorphin creating session at your local gym or a thigh burning bicycle ride. If you don’t feel like doing either of these things, press play on the video below and spend ten minutes working your cute little butt off. Exercise will take your mind off your cravings and help shape a better you in the process.
I promise.
~2~ Binge!
I’ve long been a fan of the binge-on-your-favourite-TV-show craze. It’s a pleasant way to pass the time, keeps you entertained and engaged, and can quickly take your mind off the unpleasantness of nicotine withdrawal. So instead of lighting up, slip a DVD in your player and treat yourself to several episodes of your favourite show. You’ll forget about smoking in no time!
Top five TV shows to binge on:
1. Game of Thrones; it’s a contemporary classic for a reason
2. 24; Jack Bauer can kick anyone’s butt, including cigarettes!
3. The Walking Dead; zombies, zombies, and more zombies!
4. Castle; if Molly C. Quinn can’t curb your craving, nothing will.
5. Doctor Who; the Daleks can exterminate anything, including nicotine cravings!
~3~ Om nom nom!
Instead of smoking your way through a pack of cancer causing chemicals, why not sate your cravings with some scrumptious food. Since quitting smoking I’ve been addicted to toasted cheese sandwiches, peppermints, licorice and maple pecan pastries. But you could try something more healthy, say fruit juice, carrots, celery or salad. Find something that works for you and go with it. You’d be amazed at how quickly yummy food can take your mind off those evil, vicious, cravings.
How to make the perfect toasted cheese sandwich
Ingredients 1 tablespoon butter, room temperature 2 slices bread, day old 3 ounces cheese, grated/shredded, room temperature
Directions
1. Heat a pan over medium heat.
2. Completely butter one side of each slice of bread.
3. Place one slice of bread in the pan, buttered side down, sprinkle on the cheese and top with the remaining slice of bread, buttered side up.
4. Turn the heat down a notch and cook until golden brown, about 2-4 minutes.
5. Flip and cook until golden brown on the other side, about 2-4 minutes.
Video games can be a godsend during a quit smoking campaign. They keep your hands occupied. They keep your brain engaged. And they’re both an entertaining and enjoyable way to pass the time.
Last week, on my first day without cigarettes, I treated myself to a second-hand copy of Yoshi’s New Island for the 3DS. The idea was that the happy, bouncy green dinosaur would help take my mind off the cravings, and for the first few days, until I completed the game, he did. Since then I’ve moved on to other video games in an effort to take my mind off cigarettes. And they’ve helped, enormously.
Top five video games to take your mind off smoking:
1. Lego Batman; a glorious game of minion fighting and puzzle solving.
2. The Legend of Zelda; by the end of your first dungeon, cigarettes will be a thing of the past.
3. Yoshi’s New Island; you’ll enjoy the dinosaur so much you won’t think of smoking.
4. Mario Kart; challenge yourself with time trails, they’ll stop the cravings in their tracks.
5. Brain Training; keep your brain engaged with simple, fun trials and tribulations.
~5~ Music!
Music has the power to transport us to another time and place. It has the power to make us happy when we’re sad. It has the power to take hold of our soul and shower us with warm feelings of excitement and merriment. So instead of lighting up, log onto iTunes, stick a CD in your stereo, and blast your cravings away with your favourite tunes. But make sure it’s something you love, something that speaks to you, something that will get you singing and dancing along. Your cravings will evaporate in no time.
~6~ Blog!
If you’re a blogger, why not write your way through the cravings. Settle down in front of the computer and exorcise your demons through words and emotions. Write about your day. Write about your craving. Write about donuts. Just write anything. By the time you’ve shared your moment with the world your cravings will have disappeared and you’ll have gone another hour without the dreaded cigarettes.
It you’re not a blogger, then log onto the internet and check out other people’s blogs. Spend some time surfing the net and experiencing life through the thoughts and minds of others. By the time you’ve read your umpteenth blog post your cravings will have dissipated and you’ll have gone another hour without the demon cigarettes.
Top five blogs to read your way through the cravings:
No-one smokes in the bath. No-one. Mainly because your cigarette would get all soggy. So instead of lighting up, strip yourself naked and soak yourself in a calming, relaxing, sweet-smelling tub of hot water. Not only will you be showing yourself some (much-needed) self-love, you’ll find the soothing water will evaporate any craving you’re experiencing.
Top five secrets to the perfect bath:
1. If you use the right ingredients, bathing makes you look younger It’s true – high quality, natural bath salts can take years off your appearance by helping your body defend against climate and UV exposure, genetics, and other elements that speed up the aging process. Not only that, but natural salts can help your skin repair and restore its youthful smoothness and vitality on a cellular level, addressing existing signs of aging such as fine lines and an uneven skin tone.
2. Atmosphere is key Before you take your bath, make sure the lighting in your room is soft and low. Either dim the lights or place candles along the rim of your tub. Bring in a portable CD player and play your favourite, soothing music. Before you know it, your bathroom will be transformed into a quiet, tranquil oasis.
3. When it comes to bath salts, the more, the better! Don’t be shy! Be generous with the bath salts – the more, the better. Grab a handful or, even better, two – and hold them under the running water as you draw your bath, allowing the salts to release their fragrance and oils into the steam as they fall into the water. The idea here is to replicate an oceanic environment – after all, there’s nothing more therapeutic than soaking in the sea.
4. Keep that curtain closed. After you step into your bath, either partially or completely close the shower curtain or door. This not only seals in the heat (so water takes longer to cool), but it keeps in all that fabulous, fragrant steam. The steam will open and cleanse the pores in your skin, giving you a youthful, healthy glow.
5. Not so fast – keep soaking! After 10 minutes of soaking, you may be tempted to hop out of your tub and go back to other activities. Instead, lie back and stay there for another 10 minutes. The bath salts will have time to work their magic on your skin while the warmth of the water improves your circulation and lowers your blood pressure. Not only will soaking longer help your body, but it will greatly benefit your mind. Believe it or not, it takes a while to get “used” to relaxing – those first few minutes are often spent thinking about appointments, projects, and deadlines. Once your mind is clear, close your eyes and relax!
You can’t smoke in the cinema. Well, you could, but it would be illegal, and you’d risk the wrath of both patrons and employees alike. So take your mind off the cravings by treating yourself to a movie and popcorn. Unfortunately, I can’t indulge in this activity as my social anxiety prevents me from being around so many people so, if you’re like me, why not recreate that cinema feel in the comfort of your own home? Just pop some popcorn into the microwave then curl up on the couch with your favourite comfort movie. Your cravings will just vanish, I promise.
~9~ Read!
There’s no pain or torment in the world that a good book can’t quell. So instead of reaching for your smokes, reach for a good book instead. You’ll be transported to another world, fall in love with enigmatic characters and lose yourself to the danger and excitement contained within. So much better than killing your body with harmful substances.
“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”
~ Jane Austen ~
~10~ Massage
Last night I dreamt (the divine) Karen Gillan was giving me a full body massage. It made me realise that (a) my life is devoid of human-to-human contact, (b) that dreams are so much more exciting than reality and (c) massages rock!
So instead of lighting up, pester your significant other until they tear your clothes off, lie you down, and massage the living hell out of your aching, cigarette craving body. By the end of the massage you’ll be relaxed, invigorated and ready to face the next challenge.
If your partner is ignorant to the ways of massage, why not get them to watch this video:
~11~ Colouring In!
Colouring in is no longer just for children. In recent years it has become quite the adult entertainment device. Not only is it an incredibly mindful activity, it can work wonders in taking your mind off whatever problem you’re having, including nicotine craving. So instead of cracking out the smokes, open up a pack of delicious coloured pencils and get creative!
Here are some colouring in pages to print out:
~ Click each image to enlarge ~
~12~ Spanking!
Okay, so I’m running out of ideas. But bear with me. It may sound random, it may sound bizarre, it may even sound a little kinky, but a good spanking will take your mind off whatever problem you’re having. So cosy on up to your significant other and quietly request they smack your cute little bottom until it’s rosy red and flooding you with warmth and excitement! Your nicotine cravings will be gone in an instant, I assure you. :p
Six of the best spanking tips:
1. Massage is a nice way to prime his (or her) butt pre-spank. Start by gently caressing his cheeks, and after a few minutes, begin kneading them as though you were making dough. Every so often, give him a firm pinch to prep him for more intense action later on.
2. When you’re ready for the big shebang, keep a few pointers in mind (and share these with him, too): (1) Mix things up – try a series of quick little slaps, followed by one big whack. (2) Alternate between smacking with an open palm and a cupped hand; each feels and sounds different. (3) Stick to the fatter lower part of his butt or his cheeks, and avoid his tailbone.
3. Try this game: Collect a bunch of household objects that would make fun DIY floggers – a wooden spoon, spatula, paperback book, etc. Spank him with one of the items and have hum guess what it is.
4. A cute way to send the message that you’re in the mood for a spanking. Use permanent marker to write something sexy on the backside of your undies, like Spank Me or I’ve Been Naughty.
5. Dirty talk makes spanking even hotter. Tell him, “Honey, every time I spank you I want you to say ‘Again, please,’ like a good boy.” It might spark some sexy role play.
6. Make sure you decide on a safe word first – something totally disconnected from sex like “popcorn” or “sunshine”.
Think of how much money you’re saving from not smoking. Pretty soon you’re gonna be rolling in the stuff. So instead of smoking, get your mind working and figure out how you’re gonna spend all that money. Are you going to treat yourself to a new book? A new video game? A day at your local spa? Or have you decided to save up for something more magnificent, like a holiday, car or house?
Now that you’re no longer a smoker, the entire world is your oyster!
All that I am, all that I ever was... 