All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


25 Songs, 25 Days: Sirens

Day 07: A song that reminds you of the past summer

Sirens | My Friend the Chocolate Cake


With my pancreatitis. With feeling sick. With spending much of my past summer lying in a hospital bed. I didn’t listen to much music. What radio I listened to was of the talk variety; soothing voices to settle my troubled, pained soul. Truth be told, I can’t think of one song I listened to, be it an old classic or a contemporary number.

So, to answer today’s prompt, I’ve decided to share a song that reminds me of all summers.

Ever since arriving in Australia I have hated the months of December, January and February. I’ve hated the suffocating, humid heat, despised the endless, balmy nights and abhorred the vast quantities of sweat that pour from my body during this miserable time. And one song, above all others, captures the feel of an abhorrent Australian summer.


Flashbacks, heat and unexpected problems (oh my!)

Once again I find myself on hiatus from my blog and once again it hasn’t been entirely self-imposed. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been experiencing severe internet connectivity issues, which may not seem such a huge ordeal to some, but the internet is one of my primary coping mechanisms, and often the only outlet I have to the outside world, so when I can’t connect, my stress levels rise and I become more vulnerable to life’s negative emotions.

Normally I’d like to think I’d be able to handle this, but it seems that once again January is becoming a problem month. Last year, I spent the month wrestling with alcohol consumption, this year, I’m spending it locked in a battle with flashbacks. In fact, things became so bad last weekend that Sunday was lost to endlessly replaying the events of emotionally abusive relationships, homelessness and seemingly innocuous moments shared with long-gone friends.

No matter how hard I’ve tried, no matter what exercises I’ve practised, I’ve been unable to ground myself in the present. So much so that focusing on anything other than what my mind is forcing me to relive has been nigh-on impossible. I’ve been unable to watch movies with any clarity, I’ve been spending more and more time locked away in my unit and no matter how much I want to, I just can’t find the words to assemble the posts I crave to write.

Hindering all of the above has been the incessant heat of the Australian summer. Today was the fourth day over 40 degrees, and by all accounts there are going to be at least three or four more before there is even the slightest hint of a cool change. I’ve never been a fan of the heat, in fact I downright hate it! I hate being sticky, I hate sweating like a weird little sweat monster and I hate how the heat brings out the worst in my body-image issues. During summer I despise myself more than usual, so much so that this self-hatred  – considering my inability to wear shorts, go swimming or even shower without clothes on –  makes it impossible to cool down.

Unfortunately that brief moment where I believed 2014 will be the ‘best year ever’ has long since passed. The last sixteen days have been incredibly stressful and difficult to navigate and I’m sorely looking forward to February so I can banish January into the annuls of history and start the year afresh.

However, I’ve remained true to my resolution and have not drunk a single soft drink all month, which – when you consider all the flashbacks, heat and unexpected problems – is quite an achievement! :)

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Music for Monday: Here Come the Sirens ’cause Babe, I’m on Fire

The thirty-day song challenge continues with two songs that remind me of things both good and bad.

A song that reminds me of summer

Here Come the Sirens | My Friend the Chocolate Cake

As I am about to enter another blistering Australian summer, my mind has been drifting to a song I discovered during my first summer in this sun-baked land. Here Come the Sirens, more than any other song, reminds me of the grotesque summer months in this otherwise tolerable land.

I lay back in the room with dark red curtains,
Wake up to the trucks outside my door,
Short of sleep.
And the sky tonight it’s a deadly one,
It hardly lets us breath,”

A song that reminds me of my best friend

Babe I’m on Fire | Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Why this song reminds me of my now sadly deceased best friend, Samantha, is a little too personal to share in a non-password protected post. Needless to say, it was one of the greatest fifteen minutes of my life and this is one of my favourite pieces of music of all time! :p

The man going hiking says it
The misunderstood Viking says it
The man at the rodeo
And the lonely old Eskimo says
Babe, I’m on fire
Babe, I’m on fire”


Saturday 9: Winter…so much sexier than summer!

Saturday 9 is a weekly blogging meme hosted by Crazy Sam Winters (she added the crazy, not me!).

Every Saturday there will be nine questions – sometimes they will be around a common theme, other times completely random – to be answered however we like.

very brady sequel

I’ve never seen a single episode of The Brady Bunch…I have however seen A Very Brady Sequel!

1) The best known Brady Bunch song is, of course, the show’s theme. Do you know the lyrics?

I’ve said it before and at some point in time (unless I get off my arse and actually track down the DVD) I’ll say it again: I’ve never seen a single episode of The Brady Bunch.

However, I have seen the The Brady Bunch Movie and A Very Brady Sequel (the latter being another guilty pleasure of mine) but I’ve no idea how the theme tune goes.

2) The Bradys were a blended family. Do you have stepparents, stepchildren or stepsibs?

Not that I’m aware of.

3) Samantha admits that, when she was 12, she taped Greg Brady’s photo over her bed. Before you judge her too harshly, come clean yourself. Did you have a major pre-teen crush? Who was it?

Given this week has been Fun and Games week on my blog, how could I resist the opportunity to put together another wee game? Below are six pictures of pre-teen crushes (what? I was a passionate man, even back then)…can you name them all (or any) of them? :p


Anyone who correctly identifies the ‘bottom-middle’ crush earns the right to be called awesome!

4) Which TV character do you wish lived next door?

I wouldn’t mind living next door to Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother, I think that would prove quite entertaining!

And if I was to notice a Police Telephone Box parked inconspicuously at the end of my road…well, that wouldn’t be all that bad either! :p

5) It’s a sunshine day! Describe your sunglasses.

Prescription sunglasses are inordinately expensive and I just can’t afford them, so alas, no sunglasses for Addy! :(

6) You’re on a 90-minute flight. How will you spend the time? Do you read a book? A magazine? Look out the window? Take a nap?

The only times I’ve  done a 90-minute flight I used my Nintendo DS to pass the time.

In fact, on the first occasion, I began an epic game of Germ War (a Tetris like mini-game) that spanned the flight, three hours in Glasgow and a train ride to Fort William!

As a general rule, I will only fly when there is no other alternative, even these short-hop flights.

7) Do you have a favorite brand of toothpaste?

No. They’re all pretty much the same anyway.

8) How many keys are on your key ring?

Four; front door, back door, bike lock and a mystery key that opens the door to a magical realm populated by sexy Eskimos, talking Elks and ninja wombats.

(Note: I may be lying about one of those keys in order to make this question even remotely interesting!)

9) What do you miss about summertime?


It’s been four months of constant sun, blistering heat (mid 30s to mid 40s, in fact we’ve  only had two days below thirty in 2013!) and virtually no rain (from 6 Jan to 27 Feb it didn’t rain once; not even a drop!)

And given my local council’s insane decision to close the old swimming pool whilst they build a new swimming pool – which they promised would be open before Summer, only it wasn’t – the residents of my town haven’t even had a pool to cool down in. Thus, no sly perving on bikini-clad woman to make the summer bareable! ;)

Bring on winter! And Eskimo jackets!



Winter…so much sexier than summer! ;)



Weekly Photo Challenge: Changing Seasons

This week’s WordPress Photo Challenge is:


~ January 2002 ~

In January 2002, I was living in Inverness with my partner Louise. The days were short (five hours of daylight if we were lucky), cold (regularly dropping below zero) and beautiful (winter is my favourite season). To get us through the season we adopted a combination of snuggling under the duvet, snuggling under a blanket and snuggling under a duvet and blanket at the same time.

Given that so much snuggling often led to so much of something else, it’s not so hard to understand why days like below excited me so ;)

January 2002

Snowed Under (Inverness, 2002) © Addy

~ January 2003 ~

In January 2003, I was living in Melbourne with my partner Louise. The days were long (five hours of darkness if we were lucky), hot (regularly hitting the high thirties) and stifling (summer is my least favourite season). To get us through the season we adopted a combination of stripping to our swimwear, stripping to our birthday suits and stripping to our swimwear then birthday suits.

Given that so much stripping often led to so much of something else, it’s not so hard to understand why days like below excited me so ;)

January 2003

Sunbaking (January, 2003) © Addy

Weekly Photo Challenge: Changing Seasons
Weekly Photo Challenge: Changing Seasons
Weekly Photo Challenge: Changing Seasons
Weekly Photo Challenge – Changing Seasons
Weekly Photo Challenge: Changing Seasons
Weekly Photo Challenge: Changing Seasons