All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Sunday Stealing: I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly

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Well, I’ve been incapacitated over the last couple of days with some sort of stomach bug/virus/assault on my immune system, but I’m not going to let that interfere with my participation of Sunday Stealing. So I’ve doped up on drugs (all legal, over the counter ones) in preparation for this week’s meme, which was kindly swiped from Gabs survey. So settle back and join me on another random adventure! :)

zomg-scottie-puppies-e1405878287281

(2) I do love Scottish terriers, because they’re cute and from Scotland!

1. Have you ever had a pen pal?

Not really. After I moved from Scotland to Wales as a child, I kept in contact with some of my friends, but the communication was sparse and only lasted a few months. It is, after all, incredibly difficult maintaining a relationship over several hundred miles, especially at such a young age. Although it probably doesn’t count as a ‘pen pal’, the long distance relationship I maintained with Louise, whilst she was in Australia and I the UK, involved dozens of letters, care packages and surprise phone calls in order to keep our relationship afloat.

2. What’s your favorite breed of dog?

To be honest I’m more of a cat person, but I do love Scottish terriers, because they’re cute and from Scotland! :)

3. Can money buy happiness?

No. There is no amount of money on the planet, not even a quadrillion billion dollars, that can buy someone happiness. It only buys the illusion of happiness.

4. Do you listen to music when you’re down?

Sometimes. I’m more of a TV/Film person when I’m down. There’s something soothing curling up on the couch to watch my favourite show/movie that never fails to cheer me up. Which is why, over the last few days of my illness, I’ve spent my time blanketed up on the sofa working my way through seasons of Doctor Who.

5.What is one thing you spend way too much money on?

Coca-Cola; my most frustrating and unquenchable of vices.

Although, it should be noted, that up to a couple of weeks ago my answer to this question would have been tobacco. But since giving up I have spent only $14.10 on this product. Something I am eternally happy (and deeply proud) of! :)

Coca-Cola

(5) Coca-Cola; my most frustrating and unquenchable of vices.

6.Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?

No. I’m sick with some annoying bug, which is increasing my depression, and causing untold damage to my anxiety. Throw in the constant battle I have with PTSD and related trauma issues…and I’m really not okay. In fact, it’s been several years since I would have answered ‘yes’ to this question.

7.What was the last thing you spent money on?

Panadol. I’ve just got back from a short walk to the local pharmacy to stock up on this delightful painkiller. It’s not something I wanted to do. I was quite happy curled up on the couch. But I was in pain, and had used the last of my Panadol last night, so I was forced to acquire new stock.

8.Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?

Yes. A dark blonde/hazel coloured concoction. The last time my hair wasn’t its natural colour was in mid-2007, after I dyed it a tragic shade of red whilst lost to the pain and trauma of mental breakdown. To this day I’ve never been able to explain why I chose such a shocking colour to dye my hair, but dye it I did, and looked like a massive tool for a couple of months. Just the ramifications of a mental breakdown, I guess.

9.Who have you texted in the last 24 hours?

No-one. I haven’t sent a text message in months. One of the downsides of living a socially isolated, lonely life! :(

10.Were you in a good mood last night?

No. I was sick and feeling nauseous much of the evening. One of the downsides of a viral infection! :(

Sick-Ecard

(10) No. I was sick and feeling nauseous much of the evening. One of the downsides of a viral infection!

11.Do you have a reason to smile right now?

Not really. As I have explained, I’m not in the best of physical health right now, and few people smile their way through an illness. It’s zapped me of all energy and left me pretty deflated. I’m hoping it’s not going to last for much longer as, after my pancreatitis and cyst earlier this year, I’m pretty over being ill this year. I could do with a few months feeling relatively ‘normal’.

12. How often do you hold back what you want to say?

Always. It’s one of the perils of social anxiety. Rarely do I speak what’s on my mind, rarely do I say what I really want to say. I’m too scared of upsetting people, of creating an (avoidable) confrontational situation, to do such a proactive thing. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t the case, sometimes I wish I could unleash what I really thought, but I can’t see that happening any time in the near future.

13. Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place?

Up until this year, I did, but I lost hope for a better future sometime around my hospital stay in January/February. I now no longer believe that things will get better. I firmly believe that my life will be this miserable, lonely, socially ostracized nightmare for the rest of time. It’s frustrating, but until I can rediscover my hope, it’s how things have to be.

14.Are you currently looking forward to anything?

The only thing on the horizon that I’m looking forward to is a holiday to Melbourne. It’s not confirmed as yet, but I’m hoping to go the week of 21st August as there’s a gathering I’ve been invited to which would be a wonderful challenge for my anxiety. The rest of the week would be spent re-exploring my old home, visiting galleries and museums and generally enjoying a break from my humdrum, monotonous life. It’s what I need at the moment after such a rough, hope-lost year! :)

15.Do you have any TV shows on DVD?

Yes. To name a few: Eureka (all seasons), Nikita (all seasons), Supernatural (seasons 1-9), Doctor Who (series 1,2,3,4,5,6), Game of Thrones (seasons 1 thru 4), 24 (all seasons), True Blood (all seasons), Twin Peaks (seasons 1 and 2), Parks and Recreation (seasons 1,2,3,4,5,6) and Stargate Universe (seasons 1 and 2). I am a huge lover of the medium of television and have been most of my life. In fact, when they started released TV shows on DVD, my life was made infinitely better. So thank you to all manufacturers of such DVDs; you have made me a blissfully happy man! :)

CIMG1669-630x472

(15) Thank you to all manufacturers of [TV Show] DVDs; you have made me a blissfully happy man!

And that’s it for another week. I hope everyone is feeling both physically and mentally better than I am at the moment. We’ll be back to do the whole Sunday Stealing thing at the same time next week! Until then, wishing you all a happy, joyous Sunday! :)

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8 thoughts on “Sunday Stealing: I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly

  1. I like scotties too. They have such a noble bearing. Love movies and tv shows too. Feel better soon :)

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  2. I prescribe a BIG cuddle to make you feel better – cuddles are always the best medicine 😊

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  3. Congratulations on giving up tobacco! That’s a big one to overcome. Well done.

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  4. I do hope you’re feeling significantly better very soon! Having a bug is the pits!

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