Exercises to build self-esteem: #6. Setting your goals

The past, the present…

Have you ever looked at another person and wonder how they do it? How they overcome all forms of adversity to become someone brilliant, someone talented, someone the world looks up to? The answer, unsurprisingly given the theme of the week, is confidence. It doesn’t matter whether you conform to societal ideals of beauty or if you have a piece of paper with a few letters scribbled on it, what matters is how you see who you were, who you are and who you want to be.

This week we have examined exercises that deal with both past and present. The things we are grateful for; the many things we love about ourselves; the simple joys and pleasures of life. Today, it’s time to think about the future.

…and the future!

Quite often, those with low self-esteem have a difficult time believing they will ever amount to anything. Their mind is too busy holding the mistakes of the past against them to allow them time to think of the future. In those rare moments when we do think of the future, it is always clouded with negative statements like I’m not good enough to do that or there’s no way I can become this, negative statements that sabotage us into not even trying in the first place.

A method which can be used to focus our mind onto what we want to become is to set some reachable goals. Nothing outlandish, we’re not talking I want to discover the location of the lost city of Atlantis here, just simple things that can help us believe in ourselves and push us toward attaining our desires, all of which we deserve.

Setting your goals

1. Take a clean sheet of paper. It wouldn’t surprise me given how many times I’ve written that this week, that sooner or later it will become a major search term that brings people to this blog!

2. Make sure you are in a comfortable and relaxed situation.

3. Upon the paper, begin to write down realistic goals that you would like to achieve in your life.

Some tips to help set your goals:

– State your goals in the positive. There’s no place for negativity here, send all that to the naughty corner.
– Don’t overcomplicate your goals or make them completely unattainable, this will only bring you down.
– Make sure you have full and total control of your goal. This is a reliance free zone!
– Remember, it’s all about the details. Make each goal as detailed as possible.

4. Once you have pictured you goal, try to list a few things you can do to realize it. Don’t worry too much if you can’t at this stage. The important thing with this exercise is to practice focusing on your needs and desires, to allow yourself to believe you can have the future you deserve.

5. Once you have written your goals pin them above your desk, put them in your journal, keep them in your nightstand so you can return to them in the future and keep them updated.

My goals

When it came to setting my goals I decided to set six of them, as I like the number six and lots of wonderful things happen in sixes, like…ummm…chocolate hot cross buns usually come in packs of six, and…umm…well, it’s just a nice number okay! A neat half dozen dreams!

Although from this point on they are not dreams, they are things that will happen, with a bit of hard work.

Goal #1: To obtain the Disability Support Pension

Why it is important to me:
(Try to list as many reasons as you can)

1. It is impossible for me to balance mental health, housing, bills and food on the Newstart allowance.
2. I believe the DSP will allow me to get some form of humility (and then life) back.
3. It will help me stabilize my mental health problems as I won’t have so many hoops to jump through.
4. Being on the DSP will help me view myself as ‘no longer being on the verge of homelessness 24/7!’

What do I need to do to make this goal a reality?
(Once you have the goal in your head, try to jot down a few things you can do to realize these emotions)

I need to make an appointment to see my doctor and have him fill out the relevant paperwork before handing over my application at the nearest Centrelink office before twiddling my thumbs for several weeks (months?) whilst they faff around trying to make a decision – all whilst I continue hovering over the abyss of homelessness because hey, that’s what bureaucracy is all about!

Date goal was set: 30 September 2012

Date goal was accomplished:

Goal #2: To get a haircut

Why it is important to me:

1. Because it is too scruffy and makes me look ugly.
2. It will help me win a victory in my battle against anxiety (as I have major issues with hairdressers)
3. It will increase my self-confidence.

What do I need to do to make this goal a reality?

I need to spank my anxiety and distrust of humanity into submission long enough to: walk down the road, enter a hairdressing salon, speak to the (usually gorgeous female) hairdresser, sit down and allow someone to be all intimate with my hair. This is a lot harder for me than it sounds! I also need to achieve goal #1, for without it, I can’t afford a haircut and cutting it myself is a really bad idea!

Date goal was set: 30 September 2012

Date goal was accomplished:

Goal #3: This one’s personal, sorry, but I’ll tell you why it’s important…

Why it is important to me:

1. It would be the realization of a lifelong dream.
2. It would be a major victory in my battle against anxiety.
3. It would be a major victory in my battle against depression.
4. It would be a major victory in my battle against the trauma of abuse.
5. It would increase my self-confidence.
6. I would be honoring a promise I made to Sammi.
7. It would make me so very happy, and I need more of that.
8. It would give me something interesting to write about on my blog.

Date goal was set: 30 September 2012

Date goal was accomplished:

Goal #4: To attend a social event (where there are other people, obviously)

Why it is important to me:

1. It would be a major victory in my battle against anxiety.
2. Because I miss socializing and being around other people.
3. It would make me happy.
4. It would increase my self-confidence.
5. It would give me something interesting to write about on my blog.
6. I’m tired of being alone.

What do I need to do to make this goal a reality?

I need to spank my anxiety and distrust of humanity into submission long enough to: communicate with people online for a sufficient enough time to be invited somewhere, walk to the somewhere, be in a room full of people for several hours and talk to people whilst in that room without having an embarrassing (and ultimately humiliating) panic attack. I also need to achieve goal #1 and goal #2 otherwise I won’t be able to afford to go anywhere and I’d rather not look like a yeti if I did.

Date goal was set: 30 September 2012

Date goal was accomplished:

Goal #5: To write and have published online a short story or article

Why it is important to me:

1. I have loved writing since I was a child and it physically hurts when I can’t do it.
2. There are so many stories inside me I need to get them out before they eat me from within.
3. I believe I can write well enough for people to enjoy.
4. It would be an achievement.
5. It makes me happy.

What do I need to do to make this goal a reality?

All I need to do to achieve this is research a market and focus myself for long enough to write a piece that would fit the market; whether it is non-fiction, fiction, opinion or random diatribe. I have the intelligence and talent, but at this point in my life, I just don’t have the focus. Arg!

Date goal was set: 30 September 2012

Date goal was accomplished:

Goal #6: To develop and maintain an exercise routine

Why it is important to me:

1. It would increase my self-confidence and self-esteem.
2. Because I want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.
3. It would help with my mental health.
4. It would no doubt make for more embarrassing and amusing blog posts.

What do I need to do to make this goal a reality?

Get off my lazy, good for nothing, worthless ass and just start moving!

And that sentence is hardly embracing the lessons I’ve been imparting this week, so, I shall rewrite a little more positively.

Get off my gorgeous, highly spankable, magnificent ass and start making myself look even hotter than I already am!

I’d also need to find a bicycle as I miss cycling so very, very much!

Date goal was set: 30 September 2012

Date goal was accomplished:

Although I have not set an official time-frame for these goals, I am working toward having them accomplished by the end of this year. Each time a goal is accomplished I vow to write a blog post detailing how I went about it, what happened and how awesome it made me feel.

Coda

Self-esteem doesn’t come easy, nothing worth anything in life ever does, but if you suffer from low self-confidence please do not give up. I know how painful and debilitating having low self-esteem can be, I live with non-existent self-love every day, but I know that things will never change unless I make them.

Undertaking the exercises I’ve written about this week may seem silly and pointless, but I assure you it’s not. After completing each exercise I felt strangely calm and contented. Not only did it feel good to release some of the negativity, but allowing myself the honor of loving myself made me smile, laugh and for a few moments filled me with the belief that I do deserve things. That I am worth something.

Even though the negative thoughts may return it’s important you keep believing how brilliant and beautiful you are.

Because no matter what anyone tells you – you really are someone wonderful :)

 

Other posts in this series:

• Building positive self-esteem
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #1. Pleasure and Happiness
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #2. Love your talents and gifts
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #3. Personal positive experiences
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #4. Don’t be afraid to take a time out
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #5. Write a gratitude list

 

8 Favourite foods…

Although I’m complicated in many weird and wondrous ways, food isn’t one of them. When it comes to culinary delights I’m very much a traditionalist; simple ingrediants, simple cooking, simple presentation. As long as it puts a smile on my face and satisfies my belly, I’m a happy man. The eight meals here (plus a couple of naughty treats) are dishes that are guaranteed to fill me with bloated bliss.

and who can resist the occasional naughty pleasure,

~ CLICK EACH IMAGE TO OPEN A RECIPE FROM THE DELICIOUS WEBSITES I USE FOR MEAL IDEAS ~
(WHEN I HAVE FOOD, THAT IS. IT’S A LITTLE HARD TO COOK WITHOUT IT!)

Sunday Stealing: The End is Near

Sunday Stealing originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

This week, we have the second part of the meme which began last Sunday.

22. BLONDES, BRUNETTES, REDHEADS OR BALD?

I’ve never liked it when people judge me on a single aspect of my personality or appearance so I try not to do the same for others, especially as something as interchangeable as hair colour. I will however mention quietly that I have a personal preference for brunettes and redheads.

23. WHO DO YOU PHONE MOST?

It would be a toss-up between my parents and Lifeline. They are pretty much the only people who I ever phone.

24. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?

A newspaper round, or two, or three…following that I worked for a motorway service station in the ‘restaurant’ section. I say that word hesitantly considering the food consisted of overpriced dried-out bain marie produce and the drinks either watered down soda or the cheapest coffee known to human kind.

25. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE SUNDAY STEALING?

I was crying. Yep, I’m a man, and I was crying. Deal with it.

On this occasion though it wasn’t my fault, the blame can be laid squarely on the quadfector of Karen Gillan, Arthur Darvill, Alex Kingston and Matt Smith for just before I began typing this post I watched the Doctor Who episode The Angels take Manhattan and words cannot express how much I am going to miss Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill, who have made Doctor Who something special for the last two and half years.

Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill (from The Angels Take Manhattan)

26. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I abhor plastic surgery. No matter how much I despise my body I would never, ever consider getting anything done.

27. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?

To continue sharing all that I am, all that I ever was, and because I can imagine someone interviewing me and I need to spontaneously come up with interesting (and entertaining answers). What can I say, I enjoy challenging myself!

28. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?

Probably my strength, or courage, one of the two. Although to be honest they’re somewhat interlinked. However, I tend to immediately dismiss all compliments I receive as a protective response from the emotionally abusive relationship I was in.

29. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

Rejoice. I’m not a fan of alcohol, and although I occasionally drink as a protective measure, it’s not something I’ve ever enjoyed all that much. Apart from whisky, if that were to become illegal I would no doubt set myself up as some form of anti-prohibition pirate and smuggle vast quantities of the amber liquid around the world. But only if I could have an eye patch and a parrot.

30. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT/HAVE?

*wistful dreaming*

Most people who know me know how I much I always wanted a family so I’d be happy with just one, although if I were allowed to dream, it would be for two girls and a boy.

31. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?

All the time. Not that any of them ever come true…perhaps one day :)

32. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

I used to, but not any more. Another fallout from the abuse.

33. WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY?

I lost my virginity at the age of twenty-two! Although I’ve been embarrassed by this at various times of my life, the fact it occurred on my favourite Scottish Island (Berneray) in the early hours of the new millennium (2001) to a woman I would go on to spend five and a half years with means I can look back on the event with happiness and joy.

34. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

I’d like to think I would be. But then, I would say that, wouldn’t I?

35. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Nope. Never. And never trust anyone who says they do.

Although, alas, the world that we have created tends to favour those with an appearance that society deems ‘beautiful’.

36. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

I bottle it all up for years on end and then self-harm. Or scream into a pillow. Or write a stream of consciousness. Or kick a tree. And then get angry with myself for kicking a tree, because what did the tree ever do to me? Then I bottle it all up for years on end and then self-harm. Or scream into a …oh, you get the idea.

37. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?

Given I still feel homeless I’m not even entirely sure I have a first home.

38. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?

No. For a long time I didn’t trust others easily, but with hard work and dedication I began to teach myself how. Then I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship that destroyed my trust for the rest of eternity. The support my abuser received and the subsequent rape, were just belated confirmations that I was right to not trust people all along.

39. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Occasionally. Although I can’t think of any examples right now, but I’m sure you can find some on the blog somewhere.

40. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?

Nope. I’ve moshed in pubs and gigs, but never in what could be termed a mosh pit.

 

No Moshing (Photo credit: jeck_crow)

 

 

9 Movies that I love…

Okay, after posting this I will pull out the A4 notepad and begin writing I must learn to obey the rules five hundred times, because for the second time in this challenge I’ve bended the rules. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a filmophile to just choose nine movies? It’s impossible, that’s how hard it is!

So, I have chosen 27 of them: nine lesser-known movies that I love, nine well-known movies that I love and nine movies I love/hate in equal measure. To keep the post short I’ve written only a one line comment for each film – I could easily get a whole post out of all of them, especially the love/hate ones – and I deliberately didn’t feature my favourite films (as everyone knows they’re the work of genius, Fight Club and all time classic It’s a Wonderful Life)

So, whack the popcorn in the microwave and take a gander at some of my favourite movies of all time.

Nine lesser-known movies that I love

Young Adam
A masterwork from my equal favourite director and one of the best book-to-screen adaptaions ever.

Box of Moonlight
A movie of quiet perfection from indie auteur Tom diCillo, one of my favourite movies of all time.

Beautiful Girls
Nowhere near as well known as it should be, especially given a scene-stealing performance from Natalie Portman.

The Hanging Garden
One of the greatest Canadian films ever, with a soundtrack so good it practically hurts.

Tucker & Dale vs Evil
I didn’t think I would like this movie. I was wrong. I LOVED this movie. Comedy-horror done to perfection!

The Killer Inside Me
A difficult novel to adapt and arrived to mixed reviews but if you can stomach the content, it’s definitely worth it.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
This Finnish love child of Tim Burton and the Coen Brothers. This evil Santa horror-comedy is an absolute must see.

Seach
Never heard of it? Don’t worry, virtually no-one has. A Scottish gaelic movie that is as moving as it is beautiful.

New Waterford Girl
I saw this in Canada with Rachel. I have wanted to see it again for twelve years but haven’t found it anywhere.

Nine well-known movies that I love

Shadow of a Doubt:
Hitchcock’s favourite Hitchcock movie. My favourite Hitchcock movie. Watch it and you’ll understand why.

Local Hero
Some criticise it for being boring. They are wrong. One hundred percent wrong.

Dazed and Confused
Richard Linklater is one of my film-making heroes, and this movie is magnificent in every detail.

12 Angry Men
I can watch this classic drama multiple times in a day. If you haven’t seen it, to the naughty corner with you!

The Descent
My favourite horror movie of all time, it’s just a coincidence it’s from a Scottish director!

Bandslam
I don’t care what you think, I adore everythinig about this movie. Best ‘first kiss scene’ ever!

Roman Holiday
One of the most perfect movies of all time!

Zodiac
A marvellous film about obsession from my favourite director, David Fincher.

An Education
My third favourite actress in one of the best films of the last ten years.

Nine movies that I love/hate in equal measure

Mirrormask
I love Gaiman, the design, acting and story. But it reminds me of my abuser so much I can’t watch it.

A Dangerous Method
All the elements are there – Cronenberg, Psychiatry, Kinkyness – but it doesn’t work, however much I want it to..

Snowtown
My pet hate is noisy eaters, and there are so many in this film I can barely watch it! Otherwise, brilliant.

The Dark Knight Rises
Too long. Too many characters. Way too obvious ending. But it’s Batman. It just could have been better.

Secretary
If it wasn’t for the film-makers ‘justifying’ her sadomasochim so it would be accpeted I would simply love this film. But I can’t.

Donnie Darko
I want to love this movie. I understand this movie. But it’s just too darn complicated for it’s own good.

X-Men 2
I love X-Men:First Class unconditinoally, the first three could have been so much better, especially this one.

Sabrina
Given I love Hepburn and Wilder I’ve never been able to work out why this film bugs me. One day I will.

Kill Bill
Every Tarantino film annoys me to the point I just don’t like them. This one however I did like…but it’s Tarantino.

So what about you? Any movies you love, hate or love/hate in equal measure? Are Rachel and I the only people to have seen New Waterford Girl?

Exercises to build self-esteem: #5. Write a gratitude list

That will never happen to me!

There was a point in my life where I took things for granted. I had a relationship, friends, a reasonable income, relatively stable mental health and no physical ailments to worry about. My life was full off laughter, smiles, regular sex, all the hugs you could imagine and a future that anyone would be proud of.

If you had told me six years ago what was about to happen to me I wouldn’t have believed you, in fact, I would probably have paraphrased Spike and asked if you were stoned!

Like the vast majority of us, I took my life for granted. Like most I thought ‘it would never happen to me’.

Today, and for many years now, I am eternally grateful for everything I have.

Most have heard the phrase you don’t realise what you have until it’s gone because it is 100% true. We spend far too much time obsessing over what we don’t have or what’s wrong with our lives when we should be grateful for what we do have.

Which is why today, we’re going to write a gratitude list.

Writing your gratitude list

1. Take a clean sheet of paper (or brand spanking new blog post) and get comfortable.

2. Write down as many things as you can think of that you are grateful for about your life (no matter how insignificant it may be.)

3. When you have finished, read the list aloud and allow yourself to feel the gratitude.

4. Keep your list somewhere safe so you can add to it in the future when new things you are grateful for come to mind.

My gratitude list

As with each of the exercises this week, I am leading by example for one of my pet hates are people who expect others to do as they say, but not as they do. Today, I am aiming for one thing for every year of my life:

I am grateful...

∞ …for a roof over my head, because no matter how dodgy this place is, I know what the alternative is like…and it ain’t pretty!
∞ …for my inner-strength, because I don’t know where I’d be without it.
∞ …that I have such a creative and imaginative soul.
∞ …for my computer, however old, snail-like and lumbering it is, for without it I know I wouldn’t be here!
∞ …for having parents who are so giving and supportive.
∞ …for the existence of chocolate, because of  the myriad of benefits it can bring to physical and mental health.
∞ …for Sydney Newman, because without him the world wouldn’t have one of its greatest heroes.
∞ …for superglue, because without it I wouldn’t be able to fix my shoes and I’d be walking around bare foot all day!
∞ …for that moment of calm just after a thunderstorm; the smell, the calm, the stillness, all merging together to create something sublime.
∞ …that women aren’t the same as men, because otherwise the world would have descended into chaos and destruction eons ago.
∞ …for WordPress, because without it I would be completely disconnected. Ditto for Twitter.
∞ …to have had the chance to know so many beautiful people throughout my life.
∞ …that I have so much passion coursing through my veins.
∞ …for rainbows, because they never fail to make me smile. Ditto for sunsets, sunrises, lightning and wombats.
∞ …to all the people who read my blog, it makes me feel like I’m doing something productive rather than babbling to myself.
∞ …for my bottom, because I think it’s awesome.
∞ …for women’s bottoms, because I think they’re all awesome!
∞ …that even if people try to make me feel like one, and they have done in the past, I know I’m not a misogynist for typing that last sentence.
∞ …for my dreams, because they give me something to work toward.
∞ …for organisations that try to make a difference in the world; homeless services, anti-abuse movements, helplines, soup vans etc.
∞ …that I know how to read and write.
∞ …that even though I know they won’t help now, I keep pushing myself with posts like this because I know they will help one day.
∞ …for Runrig, Serena Ryder, P!nk, Paul Mounsey, Nina Simone, Kate Miller-Heidke, My Friend the Chocolate Cake, Capercaillie and the countless musicians that have created the soundtrack to my life.
∞ …that I always try to see the beauty in everything, rather than searching for every minor flaw and fault.
∞ …that I understand the meaning and power of silence.
∞ …that I never judge anyone, ever, and try to accept someone for who they are rather than a label that is placed upon them.
∞ …for Mark Schwahn, who created the show that once upon a time saved my life!
∞ …that I can admit to making mistakes and having regrets, because if I couldn’t, then how could I ever learn anything?
∞ …that I always try to stand up for what I believe in (even though I fail sometimes!)
∞ …that I always remember people’s birthdays. And anniversaries. And Valentine’s day. And any important date.
∞ …in fact, I’m grateful that I think more like a woman than a man.
∞ …for libraries, because without them society would be a lesser place.
∞ …for my courage, because it allows me to be as honest as I am.

So why don’t you give your own gratitude list a try? You’re more than welcome to keep your lists private, but feel free to link them up in the comments field below so we can all share in the inspiration :)

Other posts in this series:

• Building positive self-esteem
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #1. Pleasure and Happiness
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #2. Love your talents and gifts
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #3. Personal positive experiences
• Exercises to build self-esteem: #4. Don’t be afraid to take a time out
  

Saturday 9: Nobody knows you when you’re down and out

Saturday 9 is a weekly blogging meme hosted by Crazy Sam Winters (she added the crazy, not me!).

Every Saturday there will be nine questions – sometimes they will be around a common theme, other times completely random – to be answered however we like.

1. When did you last feel down and out?

Given I’m a mentally ill, socially isolated, (ex) homeless man the last time I didn’t feel down and out was February 2007.

2. What do you do to feel sexy?

Think. There is nothing sexier than the power of the human mind. Although honey comes close…lots of possibilities with honey ;)

3. Do you think people think you are normal?

Bipolar…check; homeless…check; wake up screaming in the night courtesy of PTSD…check; a predilection toward dropping the word spanking into every blog post I write…check; no friends…check; a bit kinky…check; far too honest for my own good…check.

If there’s anyone on the planet who would classify me as normal I’d love to meet them!

4. What have you always wanted to do?

I have always wanted to walk into a bookstore and pick up a copy of a book I’ve written.

I have always wanted to do a Q&A at a film festival screening of a film I wrote and directed.

I have always wanted to watch the woman I love walk down the aisle toward me (or vice versa, why is the woman always the one who gets to walk down the aisle?)

I have always wanted to hold my child in my arms.

But more than anything I have always wanted to be accepted for who I am, rather than have someone change me into somebody I will never be.

5. What do you appreciate the most about your life at this time?

My time homeless and isolated from society has taught me to appreciate what you have before it’s gone. Too many people think they are invincible, that disaster will never befall them, but this isn’t the case for bad things happen to everyone all the time. All it takes is one or two actions outside of your control and your life will never be the same. So learn to appreciate what you have, who you have and the things you currently take for granted before you lose them completely. And trust me, when that happens, you’ll know what pain is.

6. If you could be somewhere else, where would you be and why?

It’s difficult for people to understand the scale of loneliness I feel so I don’t care where (Melbourne, Scotland, Canada, Paris, Prague, Barcelona, Outer Mongolia, a village in North Wales no-one can pronounce the name of) as long as I wasn’t alone.

7. Have you ever made a fool of yourself? If yes, spill.

Many times!

During a Canadian backpacking trip I decided to try to speak the native language of the French-speaking provinces. Arriving into Montreal after a long train journey I checked into the backpacker hostel requesting a bottom bunk as it would help me sleep better. The twentysomething receptionist looked at me with a slightly shocked, slightly confused expression before sliding me the key and saying nothing but directing me toward the room. Confused by her reaction I checked a french-english dictionary the following morning and learned I’d asked her if she would spank me as it would help me sleep better and I’d greatly appreciate it.

I’ve also streaked down a major shopping mall, karaoke badly on dozens of occasions and stripped to Britney Spears more times than I can remember; not always whilst intoxicated! [Note to self, consider writing “100 embarrassing things I’ve done” blog post]

Montreal

8. How often do you feel guilty?

Every second of every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year for the last five years. I feel guilty for being the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship,  for the suicides of friends, over not being there for my friends when they needed them, for being the victim of rape, of assault, and for being homeless. My mind, fuelled by the emotional abuse, has decided I must constantly remind myself of this guilt for the rest of eternity and no matter how hard I work, I can’t forgive myself for any of the mistakes I’ve made.

To say it’s exhausting is an understatement.

9. Give us an example of what you’ve done when feeling low self-esteem.

Bwaahaahaa! Sorry, given I’ve been writing about self-esteem all week I just find this incredibly amusing that it come up here. I’ve suffered low self-esteem my entire life, so unfortunately I’m not the greatest source of advice, but things I have done to try to improve my confidence involve: writing pleasure lists, allowing myself to love myself, focussing on positive instead of negative experiences and accepting that sometimes I just need a time out.

Note: the links in the above answer will take you to the exercises I’ve been doing this week to improve self-esteem. Feel free to do them yourself and let me know how you go :)