All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


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Day #4: Bullet pointing a (bad) day… [Part 2]

Previously, in Day #4: Bullet pointing a (bad) day…

Addy woke up feeling refreshed after two hours sleep, wrote a blog post for four hours, deleted it at the bequest of an auditory hallucination then began drinking a rogue bottle of wine he discovered in a cupboard following last week’s alcoholic binge to mark the anniversary of the day he should have died. Meanwhile, Elisa was revealed to have had an affair with the pool boy, who was the illegitimate son of Rodriquez, brother of Jose, who was planning to usurp Manuel, distant cousin of Elisa and the current Earl of Belgium. Whilst all this was happening, the blogosphere began asking whether Addy had finally gone completely bonkers or if he just polished off the wine he found and decided to write an ill-advised drunken blog post.

Find out in the second part of today’s exciting blog challenge adventure…

  • After posting the first part of today’s challenge I threw my jacket on and went for yet another walk.
  • I ended up in the library where I printed out a letter I need for an interview with Centrelink tomorrow before borrowing a few books; a new Christopher Brookmyre novel, a crime thriller by Scotsman Stuart MacBride and a book on poverty.
  • After leaving the library I had a small anxiety attack before browsing the DVD store and returning home.
  • Once home I had a bizarre conversation with my hallucinations whilst cooking pasta.
  • Watched Pretty Little Liars with dinner.
  • Questioned why I was watching this rather odd choice of a show with Meadhbe, Grace and Kathy. Strangely, they were enjoying it.
  • After finishing up the wine I settled into the computer to give my poverty post another go.
  • After fifteen minutes of staring at a blank screen I decided to try to write it as a stream of consciousness.
  • This didn’t work.
  • So I forced myself to write as best I could before editing it for nearly three hours.
  • After another thirty minutes of editing I hit ‘publish’ otherwise I could see myself deleting this version as well.
  • After this I quickly wrote my Teaser Tuesday post and scheduled it for tomorrow morning, as I need to be up early to walk the 10kms to a Centrelink appointment at 9am.
  • This appointment (a job capacity assessment) has been stressing me out all weekend as it will effectively decide my mental stability for the immediate future, so I’ve been trying not to think about it.
  • I then had a shower.
  • Changed into my pyjamas.
  • Played a game of Puzzletters to try to relax.
  • Then remembered I had to finish my bullet pointing a (bad) day post – which isn’t all that easy considering I’m somewhat tipsy :p
  • And even though it hasn’t happened yet, once posting this post I will probably browse the ‘net and Twitter for a short while before heading to bed with the hope I’ll get some sleep so I’m in good form for tomorrow’s early appointment.

 

Tomorrow: Day #5: Things you want to say to an ex…
(Hmmm, could be an interesting one!)


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Day #4: Bullet pointing a (bad) day… [Part 1]

When I woke up this morning I was actually in a rather good mood; but as the day has progressed, so too has my depression. It’s one of the problems of trying to deal with mental illness – you never quite know what you’re going to get! So, here is part 1 of today’s blog challenge post. Can you spot what the turning point of the day was?

  • Woke up at 6am after two hours sleep.
  • Lay in bed dreaming about having someone to cuddle and then make breakfast in bed for.
  • Got out of bed at 8:30am and listened to the radio whilst eating Vegemite on toast and reading my daily websites.
  • Had a shower and cleaned my teeth.
  • Began writing a blog post at 9am about what it’s like to live in poverty.
  • Finished writing the post at 1pm and felt good about it.
  • Began editing the post and – after Kathy (voice in my head) pointed out that two sentences didn’t sound right – deleted the entire post.
  • Went for an angry walk around the block to clear my head.
  • Returned and drank a glass of wine (leftover from last Thursday)
  • Became angry with myself for drinking a glass of wine (as I live in fear of developing alcoholic tendencies again)
  • Went for a second walk around the block to clear my head but the voices only increased in volume.
  • Returned home and had a half hour conversation with Meadhbe, Grace and Kathy (voices in my head) who were all encouraging me to drink due to my inability to write two sentences.
  • Began drinking to appease them.
  • Sat down to write second attempt of ‘what it’s like to live in poverty’ post.
  • Wrote: “F***ing S**t” in block capitals.
  • Changed the font of these two words several times.
  • Increased the font size of these two words several times.
  • Exclaimed to myself: “Oooooo, someone’s stumbled one of my pages!” when I realized a sudden explosion of hits on my blog. Thank you to whoever did this :)
  • Drank a fourth glass of wine to celebrate this fact.
  • Wondered if I would be able to salvage my mood (and with it the day).
  • Began bullet pointing my day because I couldn’t focus on anything else and decided to make it a two-part post!

Perkier installments of the 30 Day Challenge…

Day #1: Five ways to win my heart…
Day #3: A novel staggering in its originality, imagination and explicitness…