All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


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31 Days of Bipolar: Day 27. My lifeline to the outside world

Day 27: What do you see as the most important thing in your treatment regime, and why?

green-panoramic-horizontal-abstract-art-lifeline-by-kredart-serg-wiaderny

At this stage of my life, with my treatment regime currently revolving around medication and a weekly session with a support worker, I would have to say the most important of these two options would be the latter.

Without my weekly sessions with my support worker I would have no human-to-human interaction whatsoever. This interaction, as forced and clinical as it is sometimes, keeps me alive. It gives me something to look forward to. It gives me the opportunity to share my thoughts with another soul. It allows me to not feel quite so alone in the world.

Without my weekly sessions with my support worker, my life would be less than what it is now, and given how little value I place on my current life, that’s saying something. My support worker is my lifeline. My umbilical cord that keeps me attached to this crazy, often chaotic world in which we live. Without her, I would be nothing. So yes, she is definitely the most important aspect of my current treatment regime.


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I really hate change

One thing I don’t deal with very well is change. I think this is something that many people with mental health problems can probably relate to. I, like many, need some semblance of routine and order in my life. When something comes along that unsettles the carefully balanced apple cart of my life, my brain is sent scattering like the aforementioned apples bouncing away from the safety of their cart.

Yesterday, I discovered that change is afoot, and I am not coping with it at all. In fact – given how depressed, lost, confused and alone I’ve been feeling over the last several weeks – I’m a bit of an emotional wreck, truth be told.

Basically, the mental health organisation I’ve been utilising over the last eighteen months has had its funding pulled by the government; which means I will be losing my support worker in mid-late June. This may not sound like much, but it took me a long time to build a trusting relationship with this person and the thought of losing their support has totally freaked me out.

I have no idea how this is going to impact on my life. I’ve been told they will try to help find me a new support worker via a different organisation, but this is fraught with difficulties (given my lack of psychiatric support and anxiety issues) and may ultimately amount to nothing.

In fact, all I do know at the moment is that I’m not happy about the change and wish it wasn’t happening.

But it is… :(