All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


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Sunday Stealing: Mash Up Meme

It’s Sunday. So once again it’s time for Sunday Stealing.
This week’s meme has been happily swiped from My Random Randomness. Enjoy! :)

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(1) Oh, how depression stops me from cleaning…

1. What’s overdue for a good cleaning?

Depression is my friend. We are intimately connected and have been since I was thirteen years old. Depression stops me from doing many things; for example, socializing, laughing, smiling, feeling contented, enjoying strawberry jam on toast and cleaning. Oh, how depression stops me from cleaning. When the shadow of darkness clouds my soul, the last thing I want to do is clean. Thus, my kitchen, nay, my entire house, needs a damn good clean.

2. What’s overdue for some kind of professional examination, service, maintenance, or upkeep? 

Me. It’s been a while since I last had a professional examination or general maintenance. I could do with a long soak in a hot bath, followed by a deep tissue massage, followed by all manner of things to make my skin glow and my soul sing. But alas, I doubt it will happen in the near future. :(

3. Who’s overdue for a phone call or letter to you? 

Given my mental health, I live a socially isolated, lonely life. I have few friends to speak of and even fewer that I keep in regular contact with. Perhaps some of my Canadian friends, whom I met whilst traveling that fair, wide land, would appreciate a letter to update them on my actions since we last spoke. But I fear that letter would never be sent, for I have no idea where they now live, so would have nowhere to send it.

Pink

(4) Maybe an appearance by P!nk for an impromptu concert…

4. What’s overdue for an appearance in your neighborhood? 

Anything. My neighborhood is a miserable, boring, melancholy place. Nothing of note ever happens in this town. So it would be wonderful if something was to happen. Maybe an appearance by P!nk for an impromptu concert, or a visit from the Sword-fighting Appreciation Society of Australia, would liven up my neck of the woods. We can but dream.

5. Who’s overdue for a good comeuppance? 

Tony Abbott, the Australian Prime Minister, and general buffoon.

6. What’s a gross food you like anyway?

I was thinking last night, as I casually dined on spaghetti on toast, that this foodstuff is kinda weird. It’s very slimy, very wormy, and not very delectable on the texture scale. But all the same, I enjoyed slipping it down my throat.

7. Who’s an unlikable person you like anyway?

I can’t think of a single person whom I like that I would consider unlikable. unlikable people, like Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Paris Hilton, are people I have little to no time for. In fact, I only have time for decent, wonderful people, like David Tennant, Vanessa Hudgens or Karen Gillan.

8. What’s an unpleasant task you enjoy performing anyway?

Vacuuming. I love vacuuming and don’t understand why people dislike this household chore with as much passion as they do.

9. What’s a dumb song you enjoy anyway?

10. What’s a lousy restaurant you frequent anyway?

There are no restaurants I frequent on a regular basis. In fact, it’s been over eighteen months since I last dined out. Due to my mental health I live on a disability pension, and unfortunately, paying someone else to cook for me is just not within my budget!

11. What’s your favourite Sci-fi film/program etc?

Film: (one of the few films I would rate as a masterpiece of cinema!)

Television program: (as if you couldn’t guess, given yesterday’s post!)

12. Have you ever had a proper Tarot reading?

I have not. The closest I’ve come was getting my fortune told in the middle of Rundle Mall when I was manic in Adelaide. She told me in six weeks things would change, and six weeks later, my mania ceased. So maybe there’s something to all this psychic mumbo-jumbo.

13. Have you ever used the phrase “back in my time” to someone younger than you?

No. Like I said, I live a socially isolated, lonely life. And that includes people who are younger than me!

14. Have you ever done something really unbelievable, only to have no one around to see it?

I fell off the treadmill whilst at the gym the other day. That was pretty unbelievable. But given the tittering of laughter and applause that rippled round the gym, people did in fact see that wondrous moment. I guess the closest I can think of to achieving something unbelievable that no-one witnessed was writing my novel, which was lost when my backpack was stolen during my homeless experience. Thus, it is the great unread novel.

15. If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you?

I would much rather have a building named after me. Perhaps an art gallery, museum or library. People have told me I’m not a very attractive fellow (and by people, I mean the sociopathic narcissist who abused me for several months) so I don’t think I would be all that pretty a statue. It might scare the kiddies. And that wouldn’t be a good thing!


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Sunday Stealing: Unusual Things

It’s Sunday. Which means it’s once again time for Sunday Stealing.
This week’s magnificent meme was lifted from My Random Randomness. Enjoy!

snugglinginbed

(1) And yes, it’s been a very lonely six and a half years since then!

1. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with?

I find this question a little odd. Why must it be a person of the opposite sex that I laid in bed with? What if I’m gay, what if I enjoy laying in bed with members of my own sex? On the weekend that the USA legalizes same-sex marriage nationwide I find this a very #lovedoesntwin question. But to answer your somewhat homophobic question, the last person of the opposite sex I laid in bed with would have been Diane, my girlfriend circa July 2008-February 2009. And yes, it’s been a very lonely six and a half years since then!

2. Where was the last place you went out to eat?

I don’t go out to eat all that often as being socially isolated, suffering from social anxiety and misophonia, it is a very depressing and lonely thing to do. The last time I did go out to eat was over eighteen months ago, when members of the Hearing Voices Support Group descended on the Hog’s Breath Cafe in Albury for a lunchtime bite to eat. I had a Chicken Caesar Wrap, and it was quite delicious!

3. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?

Given my addictive nature, I’ve had trouble with alcohol in the past. In fact, I work damn hard to remain sober, as turning to the demon drink would be an easy thing to do, and offer much comfort from the pain filled lonely life that I find myself living. The last drink I had was some rosé wine during the summer of 2013, when I relapsed into binge drinking in order to cope with the depression that had descended during the Christmas/New Year period. I’m not proud of turning to the demon drink during this period, but it felt like the only option I had at the time.

4. Which do you prefer – eyes or lips?

Eyes. They’re the window to the soul and full to brimming with magic, beauty and gorgeousness.

5. Medicine, fine arts, or law?

Fine arts. I have little to no interest in medicine and lawyers are no better than serial killers, in my humble opinion.

6. Best kind of pizza?

Potato and rosemary. Delicious! I’m not a fan of store-cooked or frozen pizza, I prefer cooking my own from scratch, dough and all. It tastes so much nicer and you can relish in the awesomeness of your cooking ability whilst you’re chowing down on your majestic creation!

7. Is your bedroom window open?

Yes. My bedroom window is always open. I like the breeze, even on freezing cold nights! :)

8. What is in store for your future?

More of the same boring, monotonous crap that is in my present. A continuation of the socially isolated, lonely life that I’m currently living. No friends. No love. No life. Nothing but pain, agony and the torment imposed on me by my mental illnesses. Wow. I’m in an optimistic mood today! ;)

9. Who was the last band you saw live?

10. Do you take care of your friends while they are sick?

I don’t have any friends. But if I had some, yes, I would take care of them while they were sick. As I always did when I had friends all those years ago.

11. Any historical figures that you envy?

Not that I can think of. Aside from Audrey Hepburn’s husband. I’m envious of him, the lucky git! ;)

12. How many songs are on your iTunes?

13,249 songs. Most of which came from CDs borrowed from the library and CDs gifted to me by my father.

13. What brand of digital camera do you own?

Olympus. It was a gift from my Aunt. And a wonderful gift at that! :)

14. When was the last time you got a good workout?

Last Wednesday, when I went to the gym for the first time in two years. I’ve recently acquired a free three-month gym membership courtesy of a program the YMCA run for people with mental health issues. I fully intend to go three times a week, commencing tomorrow! :)

respect1a

(15) Spanking naughty bottoms! :p

15. Are you experienced?

Yes. I am experienced at many things. Living with bipolar affective disorder. PTSD. Social anxiety. Homelessness. How to operate a DVD player. Cooking jacket potatoes. Rolling cigarettes. Hugging. Massaging. Slicing broccoli. Kissing in the rain. Spanking naughty bottoms. Many things.

16. If you need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?

The local charity shop. I refuse to spend extortionate amounts of money on clothes.

17. Are you a quitter?

Nope. I see things through until the bitter end.

18. What are two bands or singers that you will always love?

19. What of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of?

Probably envy. Possibly sloth. But I’m getting better at both of them.

20. Did you just have to Google the seven deadly sins to see what they were?

Nope. I’m a big David Fincher fan and count Seven as his third greatest film.

 


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100 Questions, 100 Answers

This meme has been doing the rounds lately. I’ve seen it pop up on Marci, Mental Health & More, Blahpolar Diaries and Madness, Sparkle & Creative Flair. As I enjoy these questionnaires, mainly because they allow people to get to know me a little better, I thought I would join the party and undertake the task of answering all one hundred questions. So strap yourselves in for an epic task, and don’t forget to enjoy yourselves along the way! :)

100

1.How are you, really?

Feeling pretty flat, depressed and uninspired at the moment, if truth be told. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I can’t decide what to do today.

2. What are you thinking about?

What am I going to do once this questionnaire is over. Do I walk down the street? Do I cook a grilled cheese sandwich? Do I do something naughty?

3.What’s your favourite colour?

Purple. And red. I like purple and red.

4. What’s your favourite food?

Jacket potatoes with cheese and butter. Unbelievably scrumptious and only a little bad for you.

5. What’s your favourite dessert?

I don’t really do desserts, but if you had to twist my arm, perhaps a slice of chocolate cake or two.

6. How old are you?

Physically I’m 36 years old. Emotionally, due to trauma, I’m 28. Mentally, due to homelessness, I’m 76. It’s all manner of confusing, I know!

7. What have you learned today?

That sleep is beautiful.

8. What was your favourite subject in school?

Media studies. By far the most fun I had during my school experience.

9. What do you do?

I’m an unemployed, disability pension receiver. So I don’t really do anything, unfortunately.

10. What are some of your favourite books?

Memory and Dream, The Stornoway Way, Thirteen Reasons Why, Northern Lights: A Poet’s Sources and Quest for a Kelpie.

11. What are some of your favourite movies?

Fight Club, Local Hero, Say Anything, any of the exquisite Studio Ghibli films; especially My Neighbor Totoro and The Descent.

12. What kind of music are you into?

I have a very eclectic musical taste. I like everything from Taylor Swift to Nick Cave to Musical Theater. But I’m particularly fond of the folk, folk/rock, blues and roots genres. Things like Serena Ryder, Josh Ritter, Runrig, Wolfstone, Nick Cave and Hawksley Workman.

13. If you were going to write a book, what would you call it and what would it be about?

My autobiography, which I’ve started working on, is tentatively titled: All that I am, all that I ever was. My first fiction book, which has been written but has become lost, was titled The Ghosts that Haunt Me. It will be rewritten one day!

14. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done?

Get on a plane to fly from the UK to Australia. I hate flying. Truly and utterly hate it. So a twenty-four hour flight was a huge challenge for me!

15. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

My blog; it takes tremendous courage to write so openly and honestly, and I’ve always been proud that I was able to find such courage.

16. Are you married?

Alas, I am not. I would love to be. But I’m not.

17. How did you meet your spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend?

Alas, I am currently single. I would love to not be. But I am.

18. Do you think it’s better to get married when you’re young or better to wait a while?

I really don’t think it makes all that much difference. As the answer to my age question above revealed, age is all relative anyway. If you get married when you’re young, all power to you. If it doesn’t happen until you’re 50 or 60, all power to you as well. It really doesn’t matter.

19. Do you have any kids?

Alas, I do not. I would love to. But I don’t.

20. Have you ever thought of adopting?

Actually, I have. I had a conversation with my support worker about this very topic not too long ago. But because I’m a single male, living on the disability pension in a one bedroomed unit, we decided I wouldn’t have much chance of being successful. Despite the fact I would be a loving father.

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(21) Or a centaur.

21. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Happy. But seriously, I always wanted to be a writer. Or a centaur.

22. How did you get into your profession?

I’m not in a profession, or were you not paying attention when you asked me what I did for a living?

23. Would you recommend your profession to other people? Why / Why not?

Like I said, I’m not in a profession. But I wouldn’t recommend being on the disability pension, it’s a pretty uninspiring and mediocre life.

24. What do you do for fun?

I write. I read. I watch movies and television in epic binge sessions. I dream about dancing. I walk. I cycle. And I do naughty things with myself! ;)

25. Do you like traveling?

I used to love traveling. In fact, I spent the better part of 1999/2000 backpacking around Scotland and Canada. Although I would love to travel again, I don’t think I could do the whole backpacking thing again. I like my privacy too much to deal with smelly dorm rooms and snoring behemoths.

26. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go?

Antarctica. Or Canada. Or Scotland. I miss Scotland something terrible.

27. Who are some people you’d like to meet someday?

Charles de Lint. Serena Ryder. Tony Abbott (so I can flying bitch slap him!) And a beautiful redhead with a cute posterior who accepts (and loves) me for who I am.

28. If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?

If someone can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve to see you at your best.

29. What’s one of your favourite habits you have?

I enjoy smoking, sometimes, although this enjoyment has been on the wane lately. I also enjoy the fact I bite the skin around my nails, even though that sounds pretty disgusting! Oh, and there’s the fact I go on dates with my voices, that’s a habit that I love!

30. What are some things that make you really happy?

Good movies. Inspiring books. Dancing in the rain. Vegemite on toast. Broccoli. The female posterior. And spanking. Spanking makes me happy! :p

31. What are some things that make you really sad?

Bad movies. Uninspiring books. Dancing in the sunshine. Marmite on toast. Onions. My posterior. And self-spanking. Self-spanking makes me sad! :p

32. What are some things that scare you?

Heights, flying, spiders, people, social situations and women. Women scare me more than anything else.

33. Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?

I like to plan things out in detail. I’m not a very spontaneous person. I like to know what’s going on and why things are happening. It’s an anxiety thing!

34. Are you a religious person?

I’m not.

35. If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?

Audrey Hepburn, the Beaumont Children (so I could find out what happened to them) and Vincent Van Gogh.

36. Would you rather live in the country or in the city?

The city; so much more to occupy my cultural and artistic craving mind.

37. What was your life like growing up?

Adolescence was pretty normal. But with my sister’s mental health issues coming to the fore, my teenage years were pretty rough.

38. What were you like in high school?

Quiet. Shy. Introverted. Unpopular. Bullied. They weren’t happy times.

39. Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?

One brother, older; one sister, younger.

40. What’s your favourite part about today so far?

Nothing exciting has happened today so far. So probably deciding to answer these questions, such is the banality of my life!

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(35) Audrey Hepburn

41. Who in your life has influenced you the most? How did they do it?

Samantha; she taught me to accept a part of me I had always been afraid of. And Grace; who helped me accept myself for who I am.

42. What’s your favourite joke?

I don’t really do jokes. I’m not that way inclined.

43. Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

I’ve never tried it. And I never will.

44. Do you like spicy food?

I’m a simple man with simple tastes. And those tastes don’t include spicy food.

45. How do you like your steak cooked?

I hate steak. I find it abhorrent and disgusting.

46. Do you have a favourite number? Any particular reason why you like that number?

6. I like things happening in sixes. It’s weird, I’ll grant you, but it’s just the way I am.

47. If you were a type of animal, what would you be and why?

I would be a wombat. Cuddly, cute and built like a small tank.

48. What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?

I once screamed out “Kittyfantasticobeaver!” at the top of my voice in a tourism shop in Jasper, Canada. Don’t ask why, it’s too weird!

49. What kind of vacations do you like?

Quiet, inspiring and adventurous. I like hiking and exploring the natural world. I like investigating museums and art galleries. I’m not really the sort of person to spend a fortnight sunbaking on a beach or getting ratarsed in nightclubs; neither of these things hold the slightest interest for me.

50. What are some of your major goals in life?

Recovery from my mental illnesses. To write a book. To have this book published. To get married to a wonderful women and have two beautiful children; although this will most likely never happen, but I still hold onto the dream that one day it will!

51. What are some of your smaller goals in life?

To begin going to the gym on a regular basis. To eat healthier food. To quit smoking. And live through each day.

52. What do you like least about yourself?

How much time do you have? I hate my body, I hate my mind, I hate my emotions, I hate my mental illnesses, I hate pretty much everything about myself.

53. What embarrasses you?

Nothing really. Aside from being in social situations. They always embarrass me as I stress over what people are thinking about me. It’s a social anxiety thing!

54. If you could try out any job for a day, what would you like to try?

Art gallery curator. I think that would be fun.

55. What’s your earliest memory?

Walking to the library by myself. And I felt so freaking awesome!

56. What’s the best decision you ever made?

To start writing my blog.

57. Who’s your best / closest friend?

Meadhbh; she’s my primary voice and someone who’s been talking to me since I was thirteen. Due to my social isolation, I don’t have any friends in real life, sadly.

58. What do you think people think of you?

I think they think I’m the most selfish, worthless, repulsive piece of human excrement that has ever existed. And I have my abuser to thank for that!

59. What were your grades like in school?

Not bad. Not great. Fairly average really.

60. If you could learn one random skill, what would you learn?

How to dance properly.

introvert

(61) Definitely, and proudly, an introvert.

61. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Introvert. Definitely, and proudly, an introvert.

62. Have you ever taken a personality test? (How did the results turn out?)

Many times. But none of the psychologists/psychiatrists explained the results. Bastards.

63. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Approaching from the front; their eyes. Approaching from the rear; their posterior.

64. Do you think people can control their own destiny?

Yes. We are all in control of our own lives.

65. Do you think all people are equally valuable, or do you think some people in certain situations might be more valuable than others?

Everyone is equally valuable. No human being is worth more than someone else. Doesn’t matter your class, your social standing or how much money you have in the bank. Everyone is equal. Everyone is exactly the same as everyone else. And if you think differently, you’re an idiot.

66. Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?

Basically bad. It’s a social anxiety thing!

67. Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, and practices of individuals or groups?

Morals are relative to beliefs, traditions and practices.

68. Do you think God exists?

No.

69. Do you think any kind of afterlife exists?

Yes.

70. Do you vote? Why / Why not? If you do vote, how do you usually vote?

I don’t vote. I’m not allowed to vote in Australia as I’m only a permanent resident, not a citizen, and I’ve become disenfranchised from the UK, so I’m not allowed to vote there either. It’s pretty annoying, as I’d love to be able to vote somewhere!

71. Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?

Our sexuality is not a choice. Gay people don’t choose to be gay, straight people don’t choose to be straight, BDSM aficionados don’t choose their lifestyle. It is something someone is born with. Something they have no control over. And the more people realise that. The happier people would be.

72. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when?

No. Torture is never the answer.

73. Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people?

I would never kill anyone, regardless of the situation or circumstance.

74. What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?

In one go? A few hundred dollars to charity.

75. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?

Moving to Australia. It is something I deeply regret now, but at the time it made perfect sense.

76. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

Moving to Australia. It is something I deeply regret now, but at the time it made perfect sense.

77. What do you think would be one of the best steps we could take toward ending poverty around the world?

No idea. I’m not very good when it comes to political issues or coming up with masterplans to end world poverty or destigmatise mental illness. I just do what little I can to raise awareness of the issues I’m interested in. Whether these little things make a difference isn’t for me to say, but I like to think that they help some people, some times.

78. What do you think we could do to best improve the education system?

Pay teachers a helluva lot better than we do now. We expect them to educate and mold the minds of the next generation but we pay them peanuts. It’s disgraceful.

79. In general, what do you think about art?

I love art. I don’t always understand it. But I love it all the same.

80. What are some of your favorite websites?

WordPress, various personal blogs, The Conversation and several naughty sites about something that makes me happy! :)

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(80) The Conversation

81. What’s the biggest turnoff in a man/woman?

Abusive mentality. Having been in one abusive relationship already, I would never, not even for a million dollars, do it again.

82. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

I tend not to tell big lies. Just small white lies.

83. What’s something most people don’t know about you?

That I’m actually a decent, kind, caring and compassionate human being.

84. What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

That I’m actually a decent, kind, caring and compassionate human being.

85. What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

Groan. Get out of bed. Pee. Make a cup of tea. Smoke. Turn on talk radio. Fire up the computer to check for comments on my blog.

86. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

Amidst a cavalcade of calamity, including physical assault, rape and homelessness, the worst thing that ever happened to me was being the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship. The damage this caused my life was epic in scale and the ramifications are something I’ve never been able to deal with.

87. Do you cry easily?

I used to. But not any more.

88. How do you feel about public speaking?

I hate it. Although I find it exhilarating at the same time.

89. Do you like to talk on the phone?

No. I hate the phone. I despise the phone. In fact, I rarely, if ever, talk on the phone.

90. How many emails do you get each week, roughly?

Spam emails: dozens. Interesting and enlightening emails: none.

91. If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you?

David Tennant.

92. What’s one of your favourite questions to ask new friends or to get a conversation going?

I don’t ask questions. I don’t say very much at all. Hence why I don’t have any friends or have any conversations. It’s a social anxiety thing!

93. Would you ever sky dive or bungee jump?

Hell no!

94. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

I’ve never punched someone, but I’ve had someone beat the crap out of me on several occasions. Having middle class hipsters attack you is part and parcel of homeless life, unfortunately.

95. What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?

I don’t pull pranks. I’m not all that good at them. Although I did once convince my sister that Xander was going to get his own spin-off from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and she hated me when she discovered this wasn’t going to happen.

96. What did you do on your 16th birthday?

I honestly can’t remember. Although it probably involved going for dinner with my family.

97. What do you think is one of the most undervalued professions right now?

Teaching. And pretty much every emergency service.

98. How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

Life is shit. And then you die.

99. Would you rather be hated or forgotten?

I’ve known what it’s like to be forgotten, and it isn’t pleasant. But I would choose that over being hated.

100. If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you feel cheated today?

No. I would probably feel quite happy about my impending fate. It would mean that the pain would be over.


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Sunday Stealing: Get It All Down

Once more unto the breach, dear friends. It’s Sunday, so it’s time for another dose of Sunday Stealing. This week’s meme was (happily) stolen from My Random Randomness. So without further ado, let us commence…

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After watching the movie Silver Linings Playbook, I dabbled with the idea of joining a local dance troupe…

Are you a good dancer?

I’m not a bad dancer, but I wouldn’t say I was a particularly good dancer either. I’ve mastered the ‘slowly shuffle from one foot to another move’, which isn’t all that impressive. But I’ve also mastered the waltz and tango, which is considerably more impressive. The only problem is, with my social isolation being the way it is, I have very few dance partner options, and unlike some activities, dancing is always more fun when enjoyed with someone else. After watching the movie Silver Linings Playbook, I dabbled with the idea of joining a local dance troupe in order to dance as therapy – but I couldn’t find a single dance group in my local area, which put pay to that particular idea. I guess what I need to do is meet a Jennifer Lawrence look-a-like, someone with a passion for dancing to rival my own, and then I could dance and bogle to my heart’s content! :)

Are you a good singer?

I am quite possibly the worst singer to have ever walked the face of the earth. I can’t hold a tune to save my life. To say my singing sounds like someone strangling a stray cat would be an understatement. In fact, if my singing were used to torture terrorism suspects, we could probably eradicate this scourge upon humanity, as they would cave within a few bars of listening to me “sing”.

Are you a good cook?

This all depends on what I’m cooking. Jacket potatoes with cheese and butter, I’m the master at. I can also whip up a mighty fine potato bake, superb mashed potato and exquisite potato rosti. In fact, give me a potato, and I could cook you a masterful meal. But give me any other ingredient and I’ll cook you something that is only half edible. As for meat, don’t even bother, I become so obsessed with under-cooking it that I will – without fail – burn it to a cinder. At least this way I know it’s cooked, even if it does taste of charcoal.

Are you a good artist?

Photographer, yes. Draw or paint something on a piece of paper, no. But that doesn’t stop me from doing it.

Are you a good listener?

I would cite listening as one of few skills. I am the master at listening. So much so that I will forget to speak when it comes to my part of the conversation.

What’s your favorite clean word?

Pulchritude. It means beauty.

What’s your favorite swear word?

Bollocks. It means testicles.

What’s your least favorite word?

Loneliness. It means pain.

What was the last film you saw?

Recently I’ve embarked on a quest to watch every horror movie that has ever been made, regardless of quality or dodgyness. The last film I watched on this quest was the Katrina Bowden starring Hold Your Breath; quite possibly one of the worst movies I have ever watched in my life, and after her delightful turn in Tucker and Dale vs Evil, I was disappointed to see Ms. Bowden turn in a performance lacking any credibility or realism.

What football team do you support?

When it comes to proper football, i.e. soccer, I support Chelsea, for purely family loyalty reasons. When it comes to not-really football, i.e. AFL, I support Melbourne, because I needed a team to barrack for whilst homeless and they were the lucky people I drew out the hat. When it comes to pointless football, i.e. American Football, I don’t support anyone, because it’s a silly sport that I have little to no interest in.

Have you ever been bobbing for apples?

Yes. When I was a child. And no. I never found a razor blade in any of them.

What’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

Probably a $6 T-Shirt I recently brought from Kmart. Most of my clothing comes from charity shops because I think spending large amounts of money on a single item of clothing to be quite obscene. When I was in my abusive relationship, my abuser would attack me frequently for my love of op-shops, as she didn’t understand why I wouldn’t spend $190 on a pair of jeans when I could pick one up for $5 in an op-shop. Madness.

What’s the last thing you took a picture of?

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The last picture I took. Sunset over Sumsion Gardens, Wodonga.

What’s the last thing you drew a picture of?

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The last picture I drew. Part of a timeline-of-my-life project.

Have you ever bought anything from eBay?

I used to eBay frequently when I was younger, picking up everything from CDs to DVDs to comic books. But over the last few years my interest in the website has waned, as I would much rather just purchase something from a local shop, then have to go through the rigmarole of bidding, waiting, bidding again, waiting some more, then winning, then waiting some more, then waiting even longer whilst they send it to me. It’s much more convenient to just go to a shop and pay for it then and there. But I will admit to missing the happy feels of picking up a nice little bargain.

Have you ever invented a fairly unique meal or drink?

No. Can’t say I have. Unless you count scrambled eggs on waffles, which I had a craving for once upon a time.

Do you have any secret family recipes?

No. Can’t say I have. Unless you count apple crumble, which my father makes better than anyone else on earth.

 


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Sunday Stealing: Would You Rather (Part II)

 

It’s that time of the week again! That exquisite moment we launch into internet theft and pillage memes from across the interwebs for our own entertainment and amusement. Welcome back to Sunday Stealing, which originated on WTIT: The Blog. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

movietheater

Would you rather go to a movie or to dinner alone?

I have no problem doing either of these options. Being socially isolated, as I have been for eight years, you get used to spending time on your own. A socially isolated person doesn’t have anyone to wile away the hours with, we don’t have anyone to accompany us on a dinner date or to an evening at the picture theater, we just have ourselves for company. But if I had to choose between the two, I would choose the movie, because I would much rather deal with the anxiety of being in a cinema audience listening to other people shoveling popcorn into their mouths than have to listen to myself eat.

Would you rather always say everything on your mind or never speak again?

I rarely if ever speak at the best of times, so never speaking again wouldn’t come as a major problem for me. Plus, I’m not sure the world would be able to cope with hearing every bizarre, kinky and downright outrageous thing that trundles through my brain on any given day!

Would you rather make a phone call or send a text?

One of the most frequent behaviors that my abuser would attack was my occasional sending of a text message. Whenever I sent one she would launch into a tirade of vicious, ridiculous abuse about how I should always communicate with people face to face, that I should never ever (under any circumstances) send a text message because people don’t like receiving text messages. They like receiving phone calls. They like being talked to in person. Text messages, according to my abuser’s abuse, are the work of Satan. So I would much rather make a phone call; because if I send a text message, any text message, it triggers my PTSD. Hence why I haven’t sent a text message in years.

Would you rather read an awesome book or watch a good movie?

This would entirely depend on the mood I’m in. If I was in a book frame of mind, I would much rather read an awesome book than watch a movie. But if I was in a movie frame of mind, I wouldn’t be able to focus on a book, so I’d much prefer to watch a movie. Thus, I refuse to choose either one; I choose both.

Would you rather be the most popular person at work or school or the smartest?

I’ve never been all that fussed about being popular. Being popular is inherently over-rated. So I would much rather be the smartest person in the room.

Would you rather put a stop to war or end world hunger?

How on earth am I supposed to choose between these two options? It’s like asking someone to choose between chocolate and cheese; it’s impossible, as they’re both as delicious as the other! I’ve never been a fan of war (who is?) but then again, I’ve never been a fan of world hunger either. So I choose to use my recently acquired smartest person in the room ability to end both things at the same time.

Would you rather spend the night in a luxury hotel room or camping surrounded by beautiful scenery?

Easily, without question or hesitation, I would choose to camp surrounded by beautiful scenery. Luxury hotels, like popularity, are inherently over-rated. They’re just bastions of vanity. Who in their right mind would choose high quality sheets and spa baths over a sleeping bag and the sound of rain on the canvas above you? Camping is wonderful. It is divine. It is everything that is right with the world. Plus, I have to say camping, otherwise Meadhbh would kill me; she loves camping more than I do, and that’s saying something given my love of tents and ravishing scenery!

Would you rather explore space or the ocean?

I hate the water. It freaks me out. So I would much rather explore outer space. Who knows, perhaps I would be the one to discover intelligent life! ;)

camping

Luxury hotels, like popularity, are inherently over-rated.

Would you rather go deep sea diving or bungee jumping?

I hate the water. It freaks me out. I also hate heights. It freaks me out too. So I would choose sanity, and pick neither.

Would you rather be a kid your whole life or an adult your whole life?

I would much rather be an adult my whole life. No-one telling me what to do. No-one governing my every whim, action and desire. Adults can have more fun too; as long as you’re an adult who’s not averse to the wonders of imagination.

Would you rather go on a cruise with friends or with your spouse?

I have neither friends nor a spouse – I’m socially isolated, remember. But, if I had to pick one, I’d choose my imaginary spouse so we could have lots of imaginary sex as we floated effortlessly across the ocean.

Would you rather lose your keys or your cell phone?

I hate my cell phone. I really do. It never rings. It never beeps a message from Satan. It’s just something I have because I’m supposed to. So I wouldn’t be too fussed if I were to lose it. My keys on the other hand, that would annoy the crap out of me, so bugger off phone; I’d lose you any day of the year!

Would you rather eat a meal of cow tongue or octopus?

Excuse me while I vomit! I hate the water, remember, and that goes for everything that lives in it. Especially creatures with eight tentacles. I would also rather gouge out my eyes with a wooden spoon than eat anything’s tongue. So I would happily choose neither of these, frankly grotesque, options.

Would you rather have x-ray vision or magnified hearing?

X-ray vision. You could have so much fun with X-ray vision; checking out people’s naughtily placed tattoos, seeing through walls, examining broken limbs…the list is positively endless! Okay, so the list has three things on it, but each are so much more fun than being able to hear a bit better.

Would you rather work in a group or work alone?

Socially isolated man who suffers from social anxiety…I would choose working alone to working in a group any day of the decade! There would be less chance of panic attacks, for one, and less likelihood of having arguments over who’s doing what, for seconds. Plus, like popularity and luxury hotel rooms, other people are over-rated. You can have much more fun on your own! :p

octopus

I hate the water, remember, and that goes for everything that lives in it.

 

 


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Sunday Stealing: Would You Rather (Part I)

 

Another Sunday. Another round of Sunday Stealing. Which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

ancestors

…and I reckon I could learn a lot from my ancestors.

Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors or go into the future and meet your great-great grandchildren?

Given that it’s highly unlikely I will ever have children, let alone grand children, let alone great-grandchildren, let alone great-great grandchildren, I would have to say I would rather go into the past to meet my ancestors rather than the future to meet no-one. Plus, I’m much more interested in history than I am the future, and I reckon I could learn a lot from my ancestors; how they lived, how they entertained themselves, what sort of naughty escapades they got up to in their spare time. Such information would be highly entertaining and thoroughly thought-provoking.

Would you rather have more time or more money?

I would rather have more money than time, mainly because being disabled and on the pension, I already have a helluva lot of time to fill and not very much to do to actually fill it. More money would enable me to keep myself entertained and fill the already excess of time I currently have. And I’m not just saying that because I’m greedy, because I’m really not!

Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on your life?

My life is full of what ifs and might-have-beens, far too many, to be honest. So I would much rather have a rewind button to try to correct some of the mistakes I’ve made that have led to the shambles of a life I currently live, than a pause button to freeze time and be able to do nothing about it.

Would you rather be able to talk with the animals or speak all foreign languages?

I’m a lover of languages, especially dead or dying languages, and would love to be able to speak them all. Plus, animals don’t really interest me all that much, so I’m not too fussed about what they’re thinking. Although it would be kinda cool to be able to speak to the wombats, I reckon they would have a lot to say, loveable balls of energy that they are!

Would you rather win the lottery or live twice as long?

Life is already long enough, don’t you think? At least if you won the lottery you’d be able to make a difference to the world, and I’d much prefer to make a difference than live twice as long and be utterly irrelevant.

Would you feel worse if no one showed up to your wedding or to your funeral?

Given that it’s entirely unlikely I will ever be married, save for some sort of divine intervention, I would feel worse if no-one showed up to my funeral. Which I can pretty much guarantee you is going to happen anyway, given I have no-one in my life who would care enough to go. Cue violin music! :p

tonyabbott

…so I can give him an epic flying bitch slap for being such a misogynistic, annoying, dullard!

Would you rather be without internet for a week, or without your phone?

I rarely use my phone as it is, so it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if I didn’t have access to it for a week. The internet, on the other hand, is my only connection to the outside world (cheers, social anxiety!) and I would be utterly lost and inconsolable without it.

Would you rather meet George Washington, or the current President?

I’m not too fussed either way, to be honest. Being a Brit, currently living in Australia, I have little to no interest in American politics. I guess meeting George Washington would be kinda cool, from a history-nerd’s point of view, but I would rather meet Tony Abbott (the Australian prime minister) so I can give him an epic flying bitch slap for being such a misogynistic, annoying, dullard.

Would you rather lose your vision or your hearing?

My hearing. I would be lost without my vision, as all of my passions (from writing to movies to television to photography) rely on it.

Would you rather work more hours per day, but fewer days or work fewer hours per day, but more days?

When I was but a humble backpacker hostel manager, I worked long hours (12+ hour days) across five or six days of the week, and it was brutally exhausting, so I would rather word fewer hours per day, but more days, than more hours per day, but fewer days. Plus, days off are overrated anyway, so having fewer of them would be a good thing!

Would you rather listen to music from the 70’s or music from today?

Not being a lover of disco, I would rather listen to the music of today. But not the top 40 hip-hop garbage that permeates contemporary culture. I would much rather listen to the mighty fine and productive outputs of contemporary folk and roots performers.

Would you rather become someone else or just stay you?

I hate pretty much everything about myself. How I look. How I think. How I feel. So I would happily become someone else in a heartbeat. Although, having said that, I’m not sure I could deny the world my eccentric wit, kinky outlook or bizarre way of approaching life. I honestly think the world would lose something truly special if I wasn’t a part of it. So I’m completely torn on this question. Let’s just opt for staying as me; even though I hate myself, doesn’t mean the world hates me!

Would you rather be Batman or Spiderman?

Spider-man; he has a lot more fun than Batman. If you were Batman you’d just spend all your days brooding in the dark, but if you were Spider-man you’d get to web-sling around the city, have upside down kisses with beautiful red-heads and generally kick supervillan ass! So much more fun!

Would you rather be stuck on a broken ski lift or in a broken elevator?

A broken ski lift; I have a pathological hatred of elevators and one of my worst ever fears is getting stuck in one!

For your birthday, would you rather receive cash or gifts?

Gifts; they’re more personal, they’re more fun, and they come from the heart. Cash is just a whatever present. There’s no feeling or emotion attached to it. It’s just something you give when you can’t be bothered using your imagination to come up with something magnificent.

spiderman

…have upside down kisses with beautiful red-heads…


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Sunday Stealing: Swiped

It’s Sunday, so time once again for an installment of Sunday Stealing, which originated on WTIT: The Blog. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. Enjoy! :)

Do you need to write down things to remember them?

Usually I don’t, usually I just have a knack of remembering the essential things that need doing. But when it comes to grocery shopping, my ability to remember goes out the window, and it can often take several trips to the supermarket to remember what I initially went in to collect. Normally, this is toilet paper, which is frequently the item I forget to purchase. On one day a couple of years ago, I walked to the supermarket three times before remembering to purchase this rather essential item.

Do you keep a diary/journal?

Between the years 1993 and 2007 I was a prolific journaller. But all that changed after my abuser decided to attack my journal writing prowess, a prolonged attack that has stopped me from writing journals ever since. These days, you could form the argument that my blogging has become my journalling, but I don’t write my blog in the way I used to write my journals. And I miss those days spent venting my thoughts onto A5 lined paper, but I doubt I’ll be able to fight through the PTSD to restart my journal writing, such was the strength of her attacks.

Are you scared of thunderstorms?

Nope. I love thunderstorms. Absolutely, positively, love them! :)

Do you have any unusual fears or phobias?

I wouldn’t say I have any unusual fears or phobias, unless you count being afraid of people in general unusual. Most of my phobias (heights, spiders) are perfectly rational and very usual in nature.

Whats your favourite Disney movie?

This is currently a battle between the 90s classic Beauty and the Beast and the contemporary classic Tangled. I love both movies equally and struggle between deciding which one I prefer.

tangled

Tangled; do I prefer this, or Beauty and the Beast. I can’t decide! :/

Have you ever painted a house?

I’ve painted the interior of houses but never climbed a ladder to paint the exterior. Which is quite fortunate, given my fear of heights.

Whats the tallest tree you’ve ever climbed?

I honestly have no idea. I tend not to look at trees and go “ooooo, I’m going to climb that”. I tend to look at trees and admire their majestic beauty from afar.

Do you always wear identical socks?

Not always, no, but today, I am.

Do you live by any motto or philosophy?

Not really. The closest motto or philosophy that I try to live by is “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best,”, which has seen me reject several people from my life who freaked out when things got bad and they couldn’t handle it. Was this the nice thing to do, probably not, but why should I waste time pretending to be okay when I’m not. If you want to be in my life, you have to accept things being ‘real’.

Do you lick the yogurt or dessert lid?

Yep. Why wouldn’t you?

Do you lick the spoon clean after making something sweet?

Yep. Again, why wouldn’t you?

Have you ever played the bongos?

I have. At a mental health retreat last year I took part in a drumming workshop that saw several people form a circle and beat upon drums for half an hour. It was slightly bizarre, did little for my mental stability and proved once and for all how lacking in rhythm I am.

Have you ever handled a snake?

I have. Whilst living in Alice Springs several years ago I was a frequent visitor to a Reptile Center, given I was dating one of its workers at the time, so on several occasions held a snake. I also held blue tongued lizards and the (quite frankly awesome) sleepy lizard.

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Proof that I’ve held a snake! (photograph taken in 2008)

Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself?

Yep. Who hasn’t?

When did you last go to the beach?

I honestly can’t remember. How sad is that? Although I’m not what you would call a beach bunny I love being beside the ocean, and the fact the town I live in is hundreds of miles from the nearest beach is one of the reasons I dislike it so much. I miss going to the beach so much.

When if ever did you last go to London?

The last time I was in London was 2008, when I vacationed there for a couple of days whilst living in the UK. I spent my time roaming the back streets of Soho, exploring all manner of second-hand shops and paying a visit to the musical Spamalot, which was a mighty fine evening at the theater.

What do you do to cool down when its hot?

Cold showers; they’re a life saver during the 40 degree (celsius) days of an Australian summer.

What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten?

I’m a simple man with simple tastes, so I tend not to eat anything altogether adventurous. Probably the most adventurous thing I’ve eaten is a mushroom, which I despised, and have never eaten them since. They are truly the worst of the fungi family.

Do you have a favorite mug?

Nope. I honestly can’t say that I do.

Do you know any self-defense or martial arts?

Nope. I’ve never been a sporty person so the desire to learn a martial art has never been high on my list of priorities. If I’m ever in a situation where I would need to defend myself, I would improvise with whatever was at hand, or just allow myself to be beaten to a pulp, whatever came first.

Who’s your favourite movie action hero?

Indiana Jones; the God of all adventure movies.

Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?

Nope. I honestly can’t say that I have.

Do you collect anything?

DVDs and Blu-Rays would probably be the thing I collect the most. I’ve had a love of film and television for as long as I can remember, so much so that the motion picture has become my primary coping method when I feel lost and adrift in life. There’s nothing like curling up in front of a good movie when life has got you down.

Wall_02

Not my DVD collection, but my idea of heaven! :)

Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?

Books. How they ever went out of fashion is beyond me. There is nothing comparable (and yes, I’m looking at you ereaders!) to reading from a proper, paper bound, book.

Do you stick to conventional fashions or like to try and be original?

I never stick to conventional fashions. I am my own person and damned proud of it.

Have you ever given someone a handmade present?

I have given several handmade presents in my life. Once, I made a friend a journal to write in, filling it with writing prompts and spaces to stick treasured photographs. On another occasion, I made a friend a framed Addy-original photograph. Whilst on other occasions, I have written stories specifically for people who I cared about, formulating the plot and characters around things that meant something to the recipient. Good times.