All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


Day 04: Seven things that cross my mind…a lot!

Four days in and I’m still blogging on a daily basis…woohoo!
Today’s prompt asks for seven things that cross my mind, a lot!


4. Why don’t people do more to help the homeless?

1. Top of the list would have to be my abusive relationship. I know it’s not healthy reliving the events of that turbulent time, but the flashbacks come so frequently, so fervently, that I have little control over when and how this period crosses my mind.

When I’m not reliving the events in crystal clear HD, I’m ruminating on the whys and wherefores of the time; why did it happen? Why did she target me? Why did my friends not intervene? What did I do to deserve it?

I know I’ll never have the answers to these questions, and I know there is little other people can do to stop the constant flood of memories and emotions this trauma creates, but hopefully I will one day find a way to manage and control the damage the abuse caused. It has, after all, been seven years since the abuse was occurring…which is far too long a period to be lost to such a manipulative, sociopathic creature.

2. Given that it’s been nearly five years since I last saw them, my family cross my mind frequently. Granted, I try to catch up with them as often as possible (usually a phone call every few weeks) but as I’ve never met my niece and nephew, being able to catch up with them in person would be almost like a dream come true. Especially as my niece has recently begun taking her first tentative steps! :)

3. Without wanting to sound crass, women’s bottoms (and other parts) cross my mind a lot. After all, I am a man, and even though I don’t think of sex every six seconds, it has been over fiver years since I got the chance to caress, massage, squeeze, kiss or playfully spank a woman’s bottom. And I miss it! In fact, an end to my unchosen celibacy would probably do me (and my anxieties) the world of good!

4. Why don’t people do more to help the homeless? This is a question that I’ve asked myself so many times over the last few years. On any given day, there are over 100,000 homeless people in Australia, and many millions more around the world. Yet governments persist in doing nothing to help these individuals. When the wait for public housing can be anything up to twelve years (as it is in some parts of Australia) a lot more needs to be done. And fast!

5. Alongside my family, I also spend a lot of time thinking of my old friends. Even though it’s (for the most part) my fault that I am no longer in contact with them, I often wile away the time wondering what became of them and whether or not they were able to build the happy, rewarding lives they (for the most part) deserved.

6. The death of punctuation and grammar is something that crosses my mind whenever I surf the internet. Your instead of you’re, apostrophes placed in random locations (if at all) and the shortening of words such as hate to h8 annoy me on a level that is too complicated to explain.

7. A month ago, an eleven year old boy was cruelly murdered by his father in an incident that shocked Australia. Almost instantaneously it was announced that the father was “suffering from mental health problems”, as if this alone explained (and excused) the senseless crime. However, a few weeks later it was announced that no history of mental illness had been discovered. So why it is that every time a violent crime is committed, mental health is wheeled out as the reason for the crime, even when there is no evidence of mental illness being involved?


Day 01: Ten things I want to say to ten different people

Well, the stitches are out of my thumb and it appears to be healing well, albeit with some slightly disturbing yellowy discharge that I’m told is nothing to worry about. It’s still too tender to actually type with but as each day passes I become more accustomed to using my left hand sans thumb, so much so that I no longer feel it’s a good enough reason not to blog. And as I’m tired of my mood dictating my blogging schedule, I’ve decided to grasp the elk by the horns and dive into a blogging challenge to help inspire my mood and get me blogging on a more full-time basis again.

The challenge I’ve selected is a ten day blogging challenge I came across on The Colourful Eyes and it kicks off with a prompt that asks for ten things you want to say to ten different people right now!


Ella Hooper; star of Australian music quiz show ‘Spicks and Specks’

01. Shaun Micallef: You, sir, are a genius!

02. To My (Ex) Abuser: What did I ever do to you to make you want to destroy my entire effing life?

03. Ella Hooper: You are magnificent on Spicks and Specks and watching you each week makes me realise how delectable you really are. So if you ever find yourself short of company and/or have a thing for drop-dead cute socially anxious (ex) homeless men with ravishing beards and a (slightly) kinky outlook on life, feel free to drop me a line! :)

04. Meadhbh: If you play Katy Perry‘s Roar one more time today I’m likely to do something random (and violent), such as destroy my computer to stop you from playing it. So please give it a rest for a little while…okay? :)

05. To Relatives Who Shall Remain Nameless: I’m sorry I haven’t got around to responding to your Facebook message yet. I’m completely useless when it comes to things like email and social networks. I promise I;ll reply by the end of the week! :)

06. To my GP: Were you lying when you said the slightly disturbing yellowy discharge was nothing to worry about? Because my mind keeps telling me there is nothing normal about slightly disturbing yellowy discharge!

07. Shay: Yes, that random women in the street today did indeed have a delicious backside. You don’t have to keep going on…and on…and on…and on…and on about it!

08. To People Who Make Psychiatric Medication: Are you all completely insane? You do realise that people who suffer from mental health problems often have incredibly low self-esteem, don’t you? So why keep making medication that has weight gain as a major side-effect? Or are you all just sadistic bastards that don’t care about other human beings’ lives?  

09. To Someone Who Shall Remain Anonymous: Would it be ok if I were to randomly email you to see how you were? I only ask because me support worker has been trying to convince me to do it for over a year and I keep telling her it would be a bad idea.

10. To Someone Else Who Shall Remain Anonymous: Would you like to have a coffee with me sometime?