All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…


30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: Day 05

Today’s prompt in the 30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge asks
What part of self harm do you dislike the most?

Most people probably expect me to say my scars in answer to this question, but truth be told that’s not what I dislike the most. To be even more honest, I am completely ambivalent toward my scars. There are far more things I despise about my body than the scars I’ve inflicted upon myself, which I see more as markers of specific times of my life more than anything else.

What I dislike the most about self-harm is the belief that it is contagious; that my self-harm is responsible for other people self-harming. This can be illustrated with an example. Several years ago, my abuser nonchalantly informed me that I was solely responsible for her nearly self-harming; that because I was doing it to relieve my own stress, she should also be doing it to relieve hers. Whereas the truth is, she was responsible for what she nearly did to herself and placing the onus on me only increased my own stress and guilt over what I was doing. Perhaps this is what she was aiming for all along, but ever since I’ve been deeply affected by people blaming my self-harm for their own.

Gee, I hope that made sense to others because I don’t think I’ve explained it all that well!