Everything you could possibly ever want to know about Andrew “Addy” Lake…and if you think there’s something missing, or something I haven’t even thought to inform you of, then head along to the contact me page and send me whatever questions you like and I’ll throw them up on this page for everyone to see.
Very well, let us begin…
What is your full name?
Andrew David Lake.
Nicknames and/or screen names?
Nicknames – Zakey, Mad Zakey, Scots Wanker, Bolloxhead, The Zakester, Captain N, Zelda, Addy…and that was the one that stuck.
Addy was the only nickname I’ve ever been given that I liked; it wasthe only one which made my heart sing. It’s a reminder of the period where I felt like everything in my life was coming together and I could become who I’d always wanted to be. But as there are bad memories associated of that time as well I oscilliate in and out of using it depending on who I feel I am at the time.
Where were you born?
I thought you were Scottish?
A clever ruse.
What’s wrong with Leeds?
Nothing’s wrong with Leeds, I barely remember Leeds. In fact the only memory I have of Leeds if being fed a tea bag sandwich by my brother…and the only reason I remember that is because it’s a family legend that will no doubt be passed through the generations until in two hundred years lots of future-addy’s will be talking about the time their great heroic ancestor won out agains the evil tyrant by bravely eating the tea bag sandwich which the tyrant had hoped would defeat his foe.
But seriously, I was fed a tea bag sandwich because a medical emergency saw my brother and I alone all day and he knew I needed to eat something otherwise I’d probably have cried all day! So he shut me up with the only thing he could reach – most likely because he’d already eaten the cookies which were right there on the kitchen table marked “Addy’s Lunch”
But I digress, nothing wrong with Leeds, don’t even remember it.
Why do you call yourself a pseudo-Scot?
After leaving Leeds we lived in Treharris, which is very much like Scotland only people roam around the valleys singing random choir songs and calling each other boyo all day, because you know, it’s in Wales.
After Treharris we lived in Portlethen which is very much like Scotland only because it is actually Scotland, only not the part of Scotland I call home.
After Portlethen we lived in Caldicot which is very much like Scotland only in the fact that it’s got a castle and Scotland is famous for castles whereas very few people even know of Caldicot’s existence, let alone the fact that it has a castle!
After Caldicot I could live wherever I pleased so I went to Inverness which was finally proper Scotland…and then I left Scotland several months later because I’m a masochist.
After Inverness I didn’t actually live anyway, I traversed the wilder regions of Canada falling in and out of unrequited love whilst trapping bears and hunting beavers. Just for the record, Canada is very much like Scotland only bigger and with more people saying ‘eh’ and ‘aboot’ in every bloody sentence!
After Canada I went back to Inverness, where I stayed and felt blissfully at home there until I once again decided to leave and moved to Melbourne, which is very much like Scotland only in a different hemisphere. But if you did away with the time difference, reduced the temperature by 40 odd degrees, took away everyone’s bikini and replaced the government with people who actually knew what they were doing Melbourne would be the spitting image of Inverness.
Did I answer the question? Not really, ok, I call myself a pseudo-Scot because that’s where my heart lies. Only I’m not. Hence the pseudo part – like pseudonym.
So if you love Scotland that much, why did you move to Australia?
Because Melbourne is actually Inverness in disguise, like I said, if you put all the girls in Inverness in bikinis and walk down Academy Street in December you’d swear you were in Melbourne!
But seriously, why does a man do what he does? For her – to be hers.
I moved to Australia because I was in love with a beautiful wonderful woman, and then we broke up.
So if it all went to shit in Australia, why did you not go back to the UK?
So why didn’t you stay?
Are you clinically insane?
The Mental Illness Questions…
What official diagnosises have you received?
When did your illnesses begin?
Why didn’t you seek help when it was all kicking off when you were a teenager?