About Me

I’m a homeless romantic riding the rollercoaster of bipolar, social isolation and severe anxiety.
~ Writer. Photographer. Artist. Carer. Dreamer. Advocate. Nobody. ~

101 Random Things About Me

All facts are true. Click the linked text to take you to posts I’ve written on this topic.

1. I once called the police to report a rogue goat in Wodonga cemetery and spent two minutes constantly reiterating the word goat as they thought I was drunk and reporting a rogue ghost.
2. My favourite book is Quest for a Kelpie.
3. I lost my virginity at the somewhat embarrassing age of 22.
4. My record for the number of Pringles eaten in one mouthful is forty-nine.
5. I was once the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship that cost me everything in my life. And I mean everything!
6. When I was eight I played the Ugly Stepsister in a school production of Cinderella.
7. I was the only audience member in a screening of the Jeremy Irons starring Lolita.
8. The only other time this has happened was a screening of The Rage in Placid Lake during the AFL Grand Final parade.
9. I suffer from social anxiety disorder. It is horrible!
10. When I was nine I hid a plastic bag of dead crabs I’d collected from the beach in our garage. Three months later the source of the stench was discovered by my rather angry parents.
11. My ex-girlfriend once bought me a hat that made me look like I was communist dictator.
12. My finest fancy dress moment was Superman.
13. I once threw a chocolate éclair at my German teacher but the detention was worth it as no-one bothered to tell him he had cream in his beard all morning.
14. I once stripped to Britney Spears’ Oops I did it again in a nightclub in Inverness.
15. Yes, I was removed from the nightclub by two bouncers. They kept my shirt!
16. I wrote a novel at the age of 14.
17. I was diagnosed bipolar in 2007. Since 2009 I have had this diagnosis altered and reinstated five times, with long periods of no treatment, medication or support inbetween. Which is probably why I’ve ended up as unstable as I am.
18. My favourite food is a Jacket Potato.
19. I once streaked down Rundle Mall in order to win a spank bet with a woman I’d just met.
20. I cried at the end of Monsters Inc.
21. From August 2009 to March 2012 I was homeless. If you go by the recent redefinition, I’ve been homeless since June 2007.
22. The only movie that has ever scared me is the animated version of Watership Down.
23. I visit the library at least five days a week.
24. My current reading record is 29 books in a month.
25. I have never watched an episode of Masterchef.
26. Whilst working at a motorway service station I served coffee to Jeremy Irons.
27. I have been living in Australia since 2002.
28. In 2010 I fulfilled a lifelong dream of hugging a wombat.
29. I completed Zelda: Ocarina of Time in nineteen hours.
30. I’ve always wanted to make it 50 Pringles.
31. In 2007 I successfully convinced a hotel to give me a free suite for the night because I was a successful author and would plug them in my next book if they did.
32. When I was nine my parents grounded me for disobeying their order that I wasn’t to watch Doctor Who.
33. I have been a Doctor Who fan ever since.
34. I was once called ‘evil’ for being a fan of this television show.
35. Whilst at college I directed and starred in a short film where I played a serial killer.
36. Five years ago I was physically assaulted and anally raped by another man.
37. My second favourite movie is Local Hero.
38. I once had a short story published in a nationwide magazine, but only told two people.
39. I cannot believe how anyone can be surprised by the end of the Sixth Sense. Most obvious plot twist – ever!
40. When I returned to Scotland for the first time in six years I kissed the ground Bonnie Prince Charlie style.
41. I believe in the Loch Ness Monster.
42. I’ve attempted suicide several times in my life, most recently at the end of 2011.
43. I once sent a script I’d written to the BBC. It was crap.
44. I turned down a course at a well-known university for love.
45. I have always wanted to visit Antarctica.
46. My favourite sport is snooker.
47. When I was seven I was crawling through a concrete pipe that formed part of a playground and decided to stand up without looking halfway through. Yes, there was blood!
48. I do not – as far as I’m aware – have any allergies.
49. I once got so drunk I got locked out of my backpacker hostel and ended up walking several miles to a 24 hour supermarket where I did a food shop at 4am.
50. When I was in High-School I was undefeated master of “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”
51. I suffer severe body image issues.
52. My favourite Roald Dahl book is Matilda.
53. My favourite Patrick White book is Voss.
54. I hate mushrooms.
55. When I first arrived in Australia I had a giggle-fit over the name of the ‘Whip’ chocolate bar. It’s been my favourite chocolate bar ever since.
56. I was once registered and investigated as a missing person.
57. I don’t like Robert De Nero.
58. When I was in my mid-twenties I nearly fainted after hugging Colin Hay.
59. I started self-harming when I was thirteen. Yes, boys self-harm too!
60. My girlfriend once gave me seven hours of silent treatment for using the word “vagina” in a game of scrabble.
61. I love hash browns.
62. My equal-favourite film director is David Fincher.
63. Sometimes I answer that question with David MacKenzie, my other equal-favourite, to see if anyone knows who he is.
64. I drink alcohol on only four days a year.
65. I have known five people who have killed themselves in my life. Four I mention here; the fifth is still too raw.
66. I miss one of my old friends to the point of physical pain.
67. I miss the pre-social networking, pre-mobile phone, pre-digital revolution era.
68. I despise illegal drugs.
69. My life will not be complete until I have been a caller on ‘Norman the Quiz’.
70. Speaking of quizzes, I’ve always wanted to be a Trivia Show host.
71. My favourite author is Charles De Lint.
72. I have never read any of the Harry Potter books.
73. I once announced my sexual fetish on an internationally acclaimed mainstream journalism website.
74. I’m too anxious to announce my sexual fetish here, even though this is the only place I feel safe and I’m not ashamed of my desires.
75. Yes, I’m a walking contradiction!
76. When I was a fourteen I stole a book from the school library and have felt bad about it ever since.
77. I used to hate that during every ‘gym’ class the teacher would make me take off my glasses. You try hit a cricket ball that you can’t see and tell me how much you’d like it!
78. My favourite restaurant in Melbourne was the Vegetarian Orgasm.
79. I love potato on pizzas.
80. My parents once asked my siblings and I if they should start using spanking as a punishment. Still confused by that.
81. I had a massive crush on my Geography teacher.
82. I’ve suffered from insomnia for the last six and a half years.
83. I once played a game of Germ Buster for nine hours (the time it took to travel from South Wales to Fort William with a two-hour stop in Glasgow)
84. I love sleepy lizards.
85. I can’t drive.
86. I have always loved the “I never learned how to swim” scene in Wargames.
87. I once deleted an entire novel I’d written in a state of severe depression. Yes, I regret it.
88. When I was a kid I had five different paper routes.
89. In Montreal, whilst attempting to speak French and request a bottom bunk, I asked the receptionist of a backpacker hostel if she could spank me before bed as it would help me sleep better. I didn’t realize my linguistic mistake until the next day when I checked a dictionary in a bookstore after her somewhat bewildered reaction.
90. My favourite musical group is Runrig.
91. I have always wanted to go to university.
92. Since I started supporting the Melbourne Football Club, they’ve lost pretty much every match in spectacular fashion.
93. I blame myself for their woes. But this could be paranoia.
94. I’ve suffered from PTSD since the emotional abuse and subsequent rape in 2007.
95. I once woke up to find a possum sleeping on my head.
96. Due to anxiety, it once took me eleven hours to write a comment on a website that was two paragraphs long.
97. Due to anxiety, it once took me nine days to write a comment on a website that was three paragraphs long!
98. I’m far too honest for my own good.
99. I once owned a cactus called Cookie Monster. It died after my girlfriend ‘accidentally’ pushed it out a four-story window.
100. I once played Hansel in a school production of Hansel & Gretal, during which I spent the majority of the second act stuck in a cardboard cage. I see this as a metaphor/portent for my mental health problems.
101. I’ve been socially isolated for five and a half of the last six years. Needless to say, I am now completely insane.

My life is an open blog, feel free to saunter around.

If you’d like to email me, you can.

If you’d like to Facebook me, you can, because I’ve recently rejoined.

If you’d like to read a timeline of important events in my life, you can.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below.