All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Sunday Stealing: I Want To Be Famous

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It’s Sunday, and I’m running low on internet credit, but I’m not going to let that stop me partaking in another round of Sunday Stealing. Today’s meme is gleefully swiped from Surveysurveysurvey. So buckle up and settle down for another whirl through the randomness that is my mind!

1. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 

I’m not sure I would like to be famous. I like my privacy. I like walking down the street without people flocking to me for autographs, selfies (and the occasional belfie). But if I were to be famous, if I were to end up being universally loved and adored, I would like it to be for something that mattered. Not because my arse repeatedly tried to break the internet or I was the star of an atrocious, galling, reality show. Perhaps for being an advocate-supreme of mental health matters, or that I’d published a book which had resonated with readers and changed their lives in subtle ways. I think I’d like to be famous for something like that.

2. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 

Always. I abhor using the telephone. It is an object of great anxiety and stress. I hate it when my phone rings because I have no idea who’s calling (my phone always displays ‘unknown’, even if the number of the person who’s calling is programmed in or not!) or what they want me to do (invariably when people phone me they want me to do something!) So on the rare occasions that I phone people (and it really is a rare occurrence) I plan for hours, if not days, beforehand what I’m going to say and every permutation of what the recipient may say in response. I am nothing if not prepared! :)

3. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 

Waking up after a deep, nightmare free sleep, to squeeze my significant other’s posterior (What? You said ‘perfect’ day. And in my perfect day I am in a happy, loving and mutual relationship with a woman who respects my lust for her excellent bottom!) and wish them a beautiful, glorious day. I would then prepare a round of poached eggs on sourdough toast for us both before we stayed in bed to read the newspaper and have occasional bouts of glorious sexual intercourse until the clock clicked round to midday.

We would be then forced to rouse from our snuggleathon, else we would consider ourselves lazy, for a bracing hike through the Scottish wilderness (What? In my ‘perfect’ day I live in Scotland, okay?) Upon returning from our constitutional we would have more bouts of glorious sexual intercourse, most likely in the kitchen, before snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie.

We would then order a pizza (potato and rosemary) for dinner which we would eat whilst casually chatting about random, bizarre topics. This conversation would last well into the evening, be peppered with belly laughs and cheeky grins, and aided by lashings of dry white wine. Once the clock had ticked over to midnight we would cease our witty conversation, retire to bed, have (you guessed it) even more bouts of glorious sexual intercourse before slipping into a deep, nightmare free sleep.

Heaven.

4. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 

The last time I sung to myself was yesterday afternoon, whilst listening to Runrig. The last time I sung to someone else was eight years ago, when I stunned my girlfriend at the time with a magnificent rendition of the theme from Fame, whilst stripping myself naked. It’s such a fun song to strip to!

5. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 

I would much rather have the mind of a 30-year-old. Body’s are overrated, the mind is eternal.

6. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

I have long believed I will commit suicide. Not a very happy or chirpy death, to be sure, but for as long as I can remember I think it’s where my life is headed. And a myriad of attempts in the past backs this up!

7. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 

My passion. Ever since I was a wee bairn I have been brimming with a kinky passion for life, action and adventure. I don’t know where I’d be without this passion. It has seen me through some dark and brutal times. In fact, no matter what mood I’ve found myself in, it’s always been there for me. And for that I’m eternally grateful.

8. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 

I wish my sister’s life hadn’t been touched by mental illness. It caused a lot of problems when I was growing up and nearly tore my family apart. If it weren’t for her health problems, my sister and I would have a closer, more ‘normal’ relationship and my parents would have been able to spend more time with me during my formative years. But aside from this I don’t think I’d change anything. My parents loved me, disciplined me when I needed it and generally taught me respect, right from wrong and the best ways to approach life. What more could you ask for?

9. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? 

Confidence. I am completely devoid of self-esteem and inner belief. I wish I had some, for my lack of it has caused many problems throughout my long, varied life.

10. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 

Will I always be alone. No, scratch that, I’d rather not know. It would be too upsetting to find out if it were true.

11. What does friendship mean to you? 

Friendship is life. Without good friends, without companionship, without someone to ease the pain and turn our worries to dust, we are nothing.

12. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 

My life has been devoid of love and affection for eight years. The closest I have come to either would have been when I was in hospital earlier this year and had a gaggle of nurses sticking me with needles and taking my blood pressure hour after hour. And I’m not sure that counts as love and affection, because stabbing someone with a pointy needle isn’t love, and being paid to do a job isn’t affection. I would love some love and affection to play a role in my life though. I miss it. I miss having someone to wake up to, someone to cuddle, someone to share my life and bizarre, kinky self with. I miss having friends who relish spending time with me, who turn to me for support or just want company on a dark, unforgiving day. Once you are without love and affection, you realise how important and vital it is to have such emotions in your life. I fear that until I have love and affection back in my life I will forever slide toward nothingness, for, as I just said, without friendship, we are nothing.

13. When did you last laugh?

This morning, whilst watching Good Game Spawn Point (a video game show) on iView. I shouldn’t have done as I knew I was running out of internet credit, but the urge to see the presenters cosplay Jeff Goldblum and a T-Rex (she was dressed in a cute dinosaur onesie) was too much for me to resist.

14. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

I am very much a night owl. For many years I battled insomnia, still do to this day, so much of my best work and thinking is done during the dark, nighttime hours. Also, owls are cool. Who wouldn’t want to be a groovy, cute little owl?

15. Seen anything weird lately?

Does a TV presenter dressed in a cute dinosaur onesie count? If not, no, I haven’t seen anything weird lately. Unfortunately.

And there we have it. Sunday Stealing is done and dusted for another week. Sorry for the lack of pretty pictures this week but I need to conserve what little internet credit I have left, so can’t go roaming around Google like I usually do. If you don’t hear from me for a while, don’t worry, I’m still alive and kicking, it’s just I have to wait until I get paid next before I can recharge my GB allowance. It’s a pain, and major annoyance, but just another part of living a life in abject poverty! Until next time, stay happy and well! :)

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10 thoughts on “Sunday Stealing: I Want To Be Famous

  1. why “Stealing” share the background story for the title please!!! :)

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    • The meaning behind the “stealing”, as explained on the website who organizes the meme: “Sunday Stealing originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from.”

      Hopefully that explains it! Have a wonderful day! :)

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  2. Well I think you’re amazing. It’s really hard to do what you’re doing but look at you, sharing your story (which is incredibly brave), reaching out to help others (because I bet loads of people in similar situations read this and feel better knowing they’re not alone) and just basically doing something to try to help yourself. Hard though it is, try to remember that the way you see yourself is not the reality — it’s like looking in one of those distorting mirrors in the fairground. The image you see is all weird and ugly but it’s not the reality x

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    • I love your distorting mirrors metaphor. That’s exactly how it feels sometimes living with mental illness. Thank you for your kind words, they mean the world to me to hear. I hope my blog reaches out and finds other people, and that it helps them feel they’re not alone. If my blog does that, I would be a happy man! Have a great day! :)

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  3. The game show must have been funny!

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    • It was a great show. They were paying homage to Jurassic Park (one of my favourite films) so there were all sorts of spoofs and references. A pleasant way to spend half an hour! Have a wonderful day! :)

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  4. I hope that sometime you get some part of your perfect day. Even if it’s the pizza.

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  5. May the things you do keep your Passion alive keep you happy and out of the dark. Best Wishes for the good times to shore you up for the other times. I know this beast you fight, personally. Keep moving forward, even if you are crawling.

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