All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

100 Questions, 100 Answers

10 Comments

This meme has been doing the rounds lately. I’ve seen it pop up on Marci, Mental Health & More, Blahpolar Diaries and Madness, Sparkle & Creative Flair. As I enjoy these questionnaires, mainly because they allow people to get to know me a little better, I thought I would join the party and undertake the task of answering all one hundred questions. So strap yourselves in for an epic task, and don’t forget to enjoy yourselves along the way! :)

100

1.How are you, really?

Feeling pretty flat, depressed and uninspired at the moment, if truth be told. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I can’t decide what to do today.

2. What are you thinking about?

What am I going to do once this questionnaire is over. Do I walk down the street? Do I cook a grilled cheese sandwich? Do I do something naughty?

3.What’s your favourite colour?

Purple. And red. I like purple and red.

4. What’s your favourite food?

Jacket potatoes with cheese and butter. Unbelievably scrumptious and only a little bad for you.

5. What’s your favourite dessert?

I don’t really do desserts, but if you had to twist my arm, perhaps a slice of chocolate cake or two.

6. How old are you?

Physically I’m 36 years old. Emotionally, due to trauma, I’m 28. Mentally, due to homelessness, I’m 76. It’s all manner of confusing, I know!

7. What have you learned today?

That sleep is beautiful.

8. What was your favourite subject in school?

Media studies. By far the most fun I had during my school experience.

9. What do you do?

I’m an unemployed, disability pension receiver. So I don’t really do anything, unfortunately.

10. What are some of your favourite books?

Memory and Dream, The Stornoway Way, Thirteen Reasons Why, Northern Lights: A Poet’s Sources and Quest for a Kelpie.

11. What are some of your favourite movies?

Fight Club, Local Hero, Say Anything, any of the exquisite Studio Ghibli films; especially My Neighbor Totoro and The Descent.

12. What kind of music are you into?

I have a very eclectic musical taste. I like everything from Taylor Swift to Nick Cave to Musical Theater. But I’m particularly fond of the folk, folk/rock, blues and roots genres. Things like Serena Ryder, Josh Ritter, Runrig, Wolfstone, Nick Cave and Hawksley Workman.

13. If you were going to write a book, what would you call it and what would it be about?

My autobiography, which I’ve started working on, is tentatively titled: All that I am, all that I ever was. My first fiction book, which has been written but has become lost, was titled The Ghosts that Haunt Me. It will be rewritten one day!

14. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done?

Get on a plane to fly from the UK to Australia. I hate flying. Truly and utterly hate it. So a twenty-four hour flight was a huge challenge for me!

15. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

My blog; it takes tremendous courage to write so openly and honestly, and I’ve always been proud that I was able to find such courage.

16. Are you married?

Alas, I am not. I would love to be. But I’m not.

17. How did you meet your spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend?

Alas, I am currently single. I would love to not be. But I am.

18. Do you think it’s better to get married when you’re young or better to wait a while?

I really don’t think it makes all that much difference. As the answer to my age question above revealed, age is all relative anyway. If you get married when you’re young, all power to you. If it doesn’t happen until you’re 50 or 60, all power to you as well. It really doesn’t matter.

19. Do you have any kids?

Alas, I do not. I would love to. But I don’t.

20. Have you ever thought of adopting?

Actually, I have. I had a conversation with my support worker about this very topic not too long ago. But because I’m a single male, living on the disability pension in a one bedroomed unit, we decided I wouldn’t have much chance of being successful. Despite the fact I would be a loving father.

centaur_huntress_by_janiceduke-d5grw9q

(21) Or a centaur.

21. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Happy. But seriously, I always wanted to be a writer. Or a centaur.

22. How did you get into your profession?

I’m not in a profession, or were you not paying attention when you asked me what I did for a living?

23. Would you recommend your profession to other people? Why / Why not?

Like I said, I’m not in a profession. But I wouldn’t recommend being on the disability pension, it’s a pretty uninspiring and mediocre life.

24. What do you do for fun?

I write. I read. I watch movies and television in epic binge sessions. I dream about dancing. I walk. I cycle. And I do naughty things with myself! ;)

25. Do you like traveling?

I used to love traveling. In fact, I spent the better part of 1999/2000 backpacking around Scotland and Canada. Although I would love to travel again, I don’t think I could do the whole backpacking thing again. I like my privacy too much to deal with smelly dorm rooms and snoring behemoths.

26. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go?

Antarctica. Or Canada. Or Scotland. I miss Scotland something terrible.

27. Who are some people you’d like to meet someday?

Charles de Lint. Serena Ryder. Tony Abbott (so I can flying bitch slap him!) And a beautiful redhead with a cute posterior who accepts (and loves) me for who I am.

28. If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?

If someone can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve to see you at your best.

29. What’s one of your favourite habits you have?

I enjoy smoking, sometimes, although this enjoyment has been on the wane lately. I also enjoy the fact I bite the skin around my nails, even though that sounds pretty disgusting! Oh, and there’s the fact I go on dates with my voices, that’s a habit that I love!

30. What are some things that make you really happy?

Good movies. Inspiring books. Dancing in the rain. Vegemite on toast. Broccoli. The female posterior. And spanking. Spanking makes me happy! :p

31. What are some things that make you really sad?

Bad movies. Uninspiring books. Dancing in the sunshine. Marmite on toast. Onions. My posterior. And self-spanking. Self-spanking makes me sad! :p

32. What are some things that scare you?

Heights, flying, spiders, people, social situations and women. Women scare me more than anything else.

33. Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?

I like to plan things out in detail. I’m not a very spontaneous person. I like to know what’s going on and why things are happening. It’s an anxiety thing!

34. Are you a religious person?

I’m not.

35. If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?

Audrey Hepburn, the Beaumont Children (so I could find out what happened to them) and Vincent Van Gogh.

36. Would you rather live in the country or in the city?

The city; so much more to occupy my cultural and artistic craving mind.

37. What was your life like growing up?

Adolescence was pretty normal. But with my sister’s mental health issues coming to the fore, my teenage years were pretty rough.

38. What were you like in high school?

Quiet. Shy. Introverted. Unpopular. Bullied. They weren’t happy times.

39. Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?

One brother, older; one sister, younger.

40. What’s your favourite part about today so far?

Nothing exciting has happened today so far. So probably deciding to answer these questions, such is the banality of my life!

audrey hepburn

(35) Audrey Hepburn

41. Who in your life has influenced you the most? How did they do it?

Samantha; she taught me to accept a part of me I had always been afraid of. And Grace; who helped me accept myself for who I am.

42. What’s your favourite joke?

I don’t really do jokes. I’m not that way inclined.

43. Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

I’ve never tried it. And I never will.

44. Do you like spicy food?

I’m a simple man with simple tastes. And those tastes don’t include spicy food.

45. How do you like your steak cooked?

I hate steak. I find it abhorrent and disgusting.

46. Do you have a favourite number? Any particular reason why you like that number?

6. I like things happening in sixes. It’s weird, I’ll grant you, but it’s just the way I am.

47. If you were a type of animal, what would you be and why?

I would be a wombat. Cuddly, cute and built like a small tank.

48. What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?

I once screamed out “Kittyfantasticobeaver!” at the top of my voice in a tourism shop in Jasper, Canada. Don’t ask why, it’s too weird!

49. What kind of vacations do you like?

Quiet, inspiring and adventurous. I like hiking and exploring the natural world. I like investigating museums and art galleries. I’m not really the sort of person to spend a fortnight sunbaking on a beach or getting ratarsed in nightclubs; neither of these things hold the slightest interest for me.

50. What are some of your major goals in life?

Recovery from my mental illnesses. To write a book. To have this book published. To get married to a wonderful women and have two beautiful children; although this will most likely never happen, but I still hold onto the dream that one day it will!

51. What are some of your smaller goals in life?

To begin going to the gym on a regular basis. To eat healthier food. To quit smoking. And live through each day.

52. What do you like least about yourself?

How much time do you have? I hate my body, I hate my mind, I hate my emotions, I hate my mental illnesses, I hate pretty much everything about myself.

53. What embarrasses you?

Nothing really. Aside from being in social situations. They always embarrass me as I stress over what people are thinking about me. It’s a social anxiety thing!

54. If you could try out any job for a day, what would you like to try?

Art gallery curator. I think that would be fun.

55. What’s your earliest memory?

Walking to the library by myself. And I felt so freaking awesome!

56. What’s the best decision you ever made?

To start writing my blog.

57. Who’s your best / closest friend?

Meadhbh; she’s my primary voice and someone who’s been talking to me since I was thirteen. Due to my social isolation, I don’t have any friends in real life, sadly.

58. What do you think people think of you?

I think they think I’m the most selfish, worthless, repulsive piece of human excrement that has ever existed. And I have my abuser to thank for that!

59. What were your grades like in school?

Not bad. Not great. Fairly average really.

60. If you could learn one random skill, what would you learn?

How to dance properly.

introvert

(61) Definitely, and proudly, an introvert.

61. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Introvert. Definitely, and proudly, an introvert.

62. Have you ever taken a personality test? (How did the results turn out?)

Many times. But none of the psychologists/psychiatrists explained the results. Bastards.

63. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Approaching from the front; their eyes. Approaching from the rear; their posterior.

64. Do you think people can control their own destiny?

Yes. We are all in control of our own lives.

65. Do you think all people are equally valuable, or do you think some people in certain situations might be more valuable than others?

Everyone is equally valuable. No human being is worth more than someone else. Doesn’t matter your class, your social standing or how much money you have in the bank. Everyone is equal. Everyone is exactly the same as everyone else. And if you think differently, you’re an idiot.

66. Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?

Basically bad. It’s a social anxiety thing!

67. Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, and practices of individuals or groups?

Morals are relative to beliefs, traditions and practices.

68. Do you think God exists?

No.

69. Do you think any kind of afterlife exists?

Yes.

70. Do you vote? Why / Why not? If you do vote, how do you usually vote?

I don’t vote. I’m not allowed to vote in Australia as I’m only a permanent resident, not a citizen, and I’ve become disenfranchised from the UK, so I’m not allowed to vote there either. It’s pretty annoying, as I’d love to be able to vote somewhere!

71. Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?

Our sexuality is not a choice. Gay people don’t choose to be gay, straight people don’t choose to be straight, BDSM aficionados don’t choose their lifestyle. It is something someone is born with. Something they have no control over. And the more people realise that. The happier people would be.

72. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when?

No. Torture is never the answer.

73. Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people?

I would never kill anyone, regardless of the situation or circumstance.

74. What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?

In one go? A few hundred dollars to charity.

75. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?

Moving to Australia. It is something I deeply regret now, but at the time it made perfect sense.

76. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

Moving to Australia. It is something I deeply regret now, but at the time it made perfect sense.

77. What do you think would be one of the best steps we could take toward ending poverty around the world?

No idea. I’m not very good when it comes to political issues or coming up with masterplans to end world poverty or destigmatise mental illness. I just do what little I can to raise awareness of the issues I’m interested in. Whether these little things make a difference isn’t for me to say, but I like to think that they help some people, some times.

78. What do you think we could do to best improve the education system?

Pay teachers a helluva lot better than we do now. We expect them to educate and mold the minds of the next generation but we pay them peanuts. It’s disgraceful.

79. In general, what do you think about art?

I love art. I don’t always understand it. But I love it all the same.

80. What are some of your favorite websites?

WordPress, various personal blogs, The Conversation and several naughty sites about something that makes me happy! :)

conversation-full-logo-1070aea8b0feb9a5f470ed093ecef06e

(80) The Conversation

81. What’s the biggest turnoff in a man/woman?

Abusive mentality. Having been in one abusive relationship already, I would never, not even for a million dollars, do it again.

82. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

I tend not to tell big lies. Just small white lies.

83. What’s something most people don’t know about you?

That I’m actually a decent, kind, caring and compassionate human being.

84. What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

That I’m actually a decent, kind, caring and compassionate human being.

85. What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

Groan. Get out of bed. Pee. Make a cup of tea. Smoke. Turn on talk radio. Fire up the computer to check for comments on my blog.

86. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

Amidst a cavalcade of calamity, including physical assault, rape and homelessness, the worst thing that ever happened to me was being the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship. The damage this caused my life was epic in scale and the ramifications are something I’ve never been able to deal with.

87. Do you cry easily?

I used to. But not any more.

88. How do you feel about public speaking?

I hate it. Although I find it exhilarating at the same time.

89. Do you like to talk on the phone?

No. I hate the phone. I despise the phone. In fact, I rarely, if ever, talk on the phone.

90. How many emails do you get each week, roughly?

Spam emails: dozens. Interesting and enlightening emails: none.

91. If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you?

David Tennant.

92. What’s one of your favourite questions to ask new friends or to get a conversation going?

I don’t ask questions. I don’t say very much at all. Hence why I don’t have any friends or have any conversations. It’s a social anxiety thing!

93. Would you ever sky dive or bungee jump?

Hell no!

94. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

I’ve never punched someone, but I’ve had someone beat the crap out of me on several occasions. Having middle class hipsters attack you is part and parcel of homeless life, unfortunately.

95. What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?

I don’t pull pranks. I’m not all that good at them. Although I did once convince my sister that Xander was going to get his own spin-off from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and she hated me when she discovered this wasn’t going to happen.

96. What did you do on your 16th birthday?

I honestly can’t remember. Although it probably involved going for dinner with my family.

97. What do you think is one of the most undervalued professions right now?

Teaching. And pretty much every emergency service.

98. How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

Life is shit. And then you die.

99. Would you rather be hated or forgotten?

I’ve known what it’s like to be forgotten, and it isn’t pleasant. But I would choose that over being hated.

100. If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you feel cheated today?

No. I would probably feel quite happy about my impending fate. It would mean that the pain would be over.

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10 thoughts on “100 Questions, 100 Answers

  1. Addy, you are a decent, kind, compassionate person and honest. This all oozes out of your blog. You appear to not have any time for being less than honest. You tell it like it is for you, no holds barred. I love your coming out as you do. It seems to me that you hold that life is to short to be any less than honest. Please keep it up.

    Like

    • It’s funny, I’m actually quite different in real life. Not in that I’m not honest, which I am, but in my ability to communicate. This is all down to my social anxiety of course. For some reason I can communicate much better through my blog than I can in real life. Probably because of not being put on the spot or seeing how people react. But don’t fear, I will continue writing in my unique, warts-and-all way for a long time to come! :)

      Like

  2. I’ve stolen these questions and answered them at the attached link. Thank you for your answers. At least we agree about sushi! ;-)

    And everything Keith said.

    Like

  3. This made me seriously giggle:

    30. What are some things that make you really happy?
    Good movies. Inspiring books. Dancing in the rain. Vegemite on toast. Broccoli. The female posterior. And spanking. Spanking makes me happy! :p

    31. What are some things that make you really sad?
    Bad movies. Uninspiring books. Dancing in the sunshine. Marmite on toast. Onions. My posterior. And self-spanking. Self-spanking makes me sad! :p

    And this seriously intrigued me:

    48. What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?
    I once screamed out “Kittyfantasticobeaver!” at the top of my voice in a tourism shop in Jasper, Canada. Don’t ask why, it’s too weird!

    Like

    • I’m glad I could make you giggle! As for Kittyfantasticobeaver…Kittyfantastico was the name of Willow and Tara’s kitten in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so when I purchased a small cuddly beaver to commemorate my travels in Canada, I named her Kittyfantasticobeaver after the aforementioned kitten. One day, for a bet, I was challenged to yell her name at the top of my voice in a crowded tourism shop. Never one to shirk a bet, I did, and the looks I got were decidedly hilarious as no-one had a clue what I was talking about! :)

      Liked by 1 person

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