All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Amidst the darkness, there is light


So far, 2014 has been a pretty dark time for me. In fact, it feels like I’ve spent the vast majority of it locked in epic battles with all manner of devils, demons and mischievous cherubs. But amidst the crippling flashbacks, disorienting depression and internet connectivity frustrations, there have been a few bright spots.

Last Thursday, for example, I was able to control my social anxiety enough to attend a trivia night with a band of relative strangers. I’d seen some of them before, but the vast majority of people who made up our team were new to me. Normally, meeting new people is enough to turn me into a non-functioning blob, but the trivia element of the evening provided me something to focus on that wasn’t my own inadequacies, thus, I was able to go the entire evening without suffering either a panic or anxiety attack – something that is seriously worth celebrating, even more so than the fact our team won the trivia contest by a whopping ten points!

In addition to this, I also had a meeting with a man from the local TAFE (college). The course I’m looking at has been designed specifically for people with mental health issues and acts as a way to re-introduce them to tertiary education and prepare them for full-time study either at TAFE or University. If I decide to partake in the course (which is looking likely) I will be returning to study in less than two weeks!

Meanwhile, I have begun work on the book I hope to complete by the end of the year. It’s still in the very early stages of planning at the moment – working out what I want it to be, the style of the piece and what I hope to include – but the fact I’ve commenced working on my project is worthy of celebration.

Also, something happened this morning which had me skipping and boogying with glee; a friend (I have a friend!) kindly donated to me a washing machine they no longer needed! For the last two years, ever since moving into my unit, I have been washing all my laundry by hand, so to be able to just load it into a machine and push a button is a wonderful, wonderful thing! In fact, such is my excitement, for the last two hours I’ve been washing every single thing I can lay my hands on! :p

Finally, the social/support groups I partake in have re-commenced after the summer break, so rather than lounge around my unit being bored and uninspired, I will be spending my days cooking, crafting and working harder toward my recovery than ever before.

Even though I’m still not at my best (damn you flashbacks!) I’m hoping the darkness that has enveloped me over the last several weeks is starting to wane – which I cannot be happier about!


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4 thoughts on “Amidst the darkness, there is light

  1. Hi Addy,
    So glad to hear that you are moving forward, and starting a book! Best of luck!


  2. Addy, I am so pleased to learn that you have had ‘bright spots’. However I would call them strong, positive steps. Going out and interacting with people whether playing a game, going to a movie or something else is both brave and positive. I am glad to hear you have access to a University that has a program to assist with re-introduction.
    And do not be surprised you have a friend but do be happy. In all our lives real friends are rarer than appearances might indicate. I am so proud and pleased for you. And I know the joy of a washing machine. Thirty years ago when I bought my first washer and dryer, I showed everyone that came into my place my the appliances – I was so proud and gleeful as well. Andrea


    • Having a washing machine again is beyong awesome. I spent virtually all of yesterday afternoon washing every item of clothing I could find, whether they were dirty or not, just so I could play with my awesome new machine! :)


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