All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Day 22: My (not very high) opinion of psychiatric medication!

14 Comments

For anyone who is interested, my current medication regime is:

Sodium Valproate (Mood Stabiliser): 1000mg Daily
Citalopram (Anti-Depressant): 20mg Daily
Olanzapine (Anti-Psychotic): 10mg Evening, 2.5mg Morning
Oxazepam (To aid with sleep): 7.5mg Nightly
Phernergan (To aid with sleep): 25mg Nightly
and
Vitamin B12 (Supplement): 100mg Daily
Vitamin D (Supplement): 2000IU Daily

I’ve been taking this regime of medication for the last two months, and I have to say, my hatred of psychiatric medication is as strong as ever. I hate what it does to me, I hate the side-effects and I hate how it makes me feel nothing like ‘me‘.

Six reasons I hate psychiatric medication…

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1. Weight Gain

For someone with body dysmorphic issues, even the slightest weight gain can cause chaos in their minds. Over the last two months I have gained nearly five kilograms. The fact I’ve been going to the gym three times a week, eating healthily, banning soft drinks and cycling in excess of 100km a week doesn’t seem to matter when it comes to my weight. In fact, right now, I have begun to believe I will be a blimp for the remainder of my life.

Seriously, I hate how I see my body almost as much as the social anxiety that eats away at my soul!

2. Side Effects

Since I’ve been on this medication I’ve noticed an escalation of my self-harm urges and suicidal ideation. I’ve experienced a plethora of physical symptoms (including diarrhea, nausea, dry mouth, trembling limbs and unquenchable thirst) and, as previously mentioned, the somewhat odd incidents of sleepwalking that have never happened to me before.

3. Sex

Granted, I’m not fortunate enough to have anyone in my life who wishes to take a tumble betwixt the sheets, but I am a thirty-something male who, on occasion, does enjoy partaking in some ‘private time’ to assist with stress, happiness and general nurture.

However, since I’ve been on this medication, I’ve been unable to reach or maintain an erection, thus rendering another source of pleasure obsolete.

4. They’re not “happy pills”

I hate when people refer to anti-depressants as ‘happy pills’, because they’re not. If they were, I would feel happy after taking one. I don’t. In fact…I feel nothing!

It’s one thing stabilizing moods so that I’m not oscillating between mania and depression, but it’s another thing entirely to render me so zombified I feel nothing. For the last two months I’ve felt no sadness, no happiness, no excitement, no joy. Nothing. It’s just been me, feeling nothing like “me“, every day for every week for the last two months. It’s soul-destroying.

And wholly unpleasant.

5. My people hate medication more than I do

This is a major issue for my people. They hate me being medicated as they believe I’m trying to medicate them out of existence. This causes an increase in the abusive and negative content of all of them. In fact, they would be much happier if I wasn’t taking any medication and believe I would be too.

6. Financial burden

I’m not a rich man. In fact, I’ve shared numerous times in the past that I basically live in abject poverty and, once rent and bills have been factored out of the equation, it’s a challenge to feed myself properly from week to week let alone afford anything ‘fun’. So the added burden of the cost of my medication has had a massive impact on my already frustrating life.

This has been Day twenty-two of the 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge. Apologies for two ‘six of the best’ posts in a row, but I wanted to write a list of the reasons why I dislike psychiatric medication and I like things occuring in sixes! :p

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14 thoughts on “Day 22: My (not very high) opinion of psychiatric medication!

  1. I don’t want to ‘like’ this post so I will comment and say I hear what you are saying.

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    • I can understand why you don’t want to ‘like’ the post. I was worried upon writing/publishing the post that it would come across as being anti-medication, which I’m not. I understand the benefits that medication can bring to someone’s life (my own included) but I just wish there was a way for me to stabalise without taking medication and suffering the plethora of side-effects it brings.

      Perhaps one day I’ll find that way! :)

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  2. I can speak from personal experience there is absolutely nothing happy about any of those medicines. When I was taking medicines I too felt uncomfortably numb. It took many years and many trials of different meds to find a mixture that created any level of functionality for me. In 2010 I tried a revolutionary treatment that allowed me to get off all medicines but my ADHD meds called Nexalin. It is like a biofeedback treatment (but it is not biofeedback). I have been medicine free for three years now, and never felt better.
    Please consider that if you are monitoring your intake of foods (most of those chemicals will give you sweets cravings) and you are working out regularly you may be gaining muscle that weighs more than fat, try measurements instead of weight to tell if you are improving or not.
    Good luck, do not give up, it does get better.

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    • Thanks for your comment! :)

      It’s entirely possible I’m gaining muscle not fat. I need to find a way to counteract the negative body image my mind throws up so using measurements rather than weight could be a starting point for this. I wasn’t aware that most of these chemicals cause sweet cravings, which I’ve been having over the last couple of months, so will add this to the list of side-effects I’ve been experiencing.

      I’m not familiar with biofeedback treatment so will do some reading up on it. I’ll be having a review of how my meds have been going in a couple of weeks so there may be some changes and tweeks done at that time, hopefully then I’ll be able to function a little better than I am at the moment. :)

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  3. Wow I can relate. I have ADHD and although i love the energy burst that I get when I take my Vyvanse I hate the side effects. I have started to take a natural energy drink from Advocare and my body seems to do better on that.

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    • Thanks for dropping by :) I wish one of my meds gave me an energy boost, most just zap it from me like nothing else on earth! I’m not a huge fan of energy drinks but have never come across a natural one before, perhaps I’ll hunt it down and give it a try! :)

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      • I will be putting an ad on my blog pretty soon for the drink. If you don’t mind, I would love it if you could buy it from my blog. But really the main thing is that I want you to feel the best. I will write a promo on it and also put a link to a website as soon as I figure out how the hell to do all that blogging stuff. lol I am going to an information session this weekend on Saturday for the purpose of learning how to design my blog better and also how to paste ads on it to make money. I really want to let you know that I feel for you and I am reading several blogs on different disorders of the mind. Several on bipolar and one other one on ADHD. I will let you know if I find the magic pill that can cure all. Unfortunately I think we as a species have been poisoned by doctors with mercury tainted vaccines. That may seem a bit crazy but I have done extensive research on vaccines and that is my crazy conclusion. I

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      • I will be posting an ad for the powder soon. I will let you know. If you want to you could buy it from me. But really it isn’t about making me money it is all about making you feel better. I have read quite a bit on your blog and have one thing to say to you. You are amazing! To have fallen so deep and traveled so far and to have survived that makes you amazing in my eyes. It is not those who are born with high intelligence and station in life who get my admiration. It is those who have sunk to the depth of despair and crawled their way out of the abyss who keep me in awe. You are amazing. Gracie

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    • Hi. I was just reading your reply and I, too, have ADHD and take Vyvanse 70 mg and it works great for me. I don’t have any side effects at all. Do you mind me asking what kind of side effects you might be having. I’ve tried all the other meds for ADHD and the Vyvanse has been the best for me. No heart palpitations, no shaking, no racing heart that I seemed to get with all the other meds such as Adderall, Ritalin, etc. I’ve been on them all. Just curious?

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      • Yes, first of all thanks for asking. I actually smack my lips a lot on Vyvanse – that is a sign of extrapyrmidal syndrome aka EPS. It is a common side effect of psychiatric medications.
        It wouldn’t be a problem so much but my ex-husband has made all of my children hypervigilant about smacking because he is a nut case and they go nuts when I smack my lips.
        Since they are 17, 19 and 21 I don’t get to see them that much so I only take Vyvanse on days when I don’t think I will see them at all.
        I appreciate so much your feedback. Thank you also for asking me to be more specific.
        The other thing about Vyvanse is that it seems as if it affects my memory and makes me even more scatterbrained.
        I am so glad it is working for you. I took a generic form of Aderal and it made me nuts. I was clenching my jaw so tight that my teeth threatened to fall out. It also increased my bp.
        Actually I think Vyvanse is probably the safest ADHD medication on the market and if I didn’t have the smacking lip problem and a decrease in memory retention I would take it daily.
        Thanks again!

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        • Thanks for clearing that up for me. I don’t smack my lips, but apparently I move my lips around in weird ways because like I’ll be typing something on the computer and one of my kids will make a comment about how I do weird things with my mouth. LOL I don’t care because it helps me in so many other way, better than anything else, anyway. I know what you mean about adderall, it made me very agitated and in the worst moods, ever and it made my heart race and I was shaking all the time. My memory is bad and I am a bit scatterbrained, but that is probably from the combination of medications I take. Thanks, again, for your response. Us ADHDer’s gotta stick together. :).

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  4. Sorry about the double message. Silly me, i didn’t learn until tonight as to how to view a damn thread. OMG I have probably done this to more than you and people are probably thinking I am wwwwaaaayyyyyy too much right now. lol Have a wonderful day and really I am not that pushy. ;)

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  5. Pingback: 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness – Day 22 | Pieces of Me

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