All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Gratitude, excitement and inspiration

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Today’s prompt in my Mental Health Month Challenge is:
“write a #ListOf3 things you are thankful for/excited about/inspired by”.

Three things I’m thankful for

Thankful1. My strength

I’ve mentioned this aspect of myself on the blog so many times regular readers will probably not be surprised about its presence on this list. In fact, they will probably be groaning that once again they have to read Addy waxing lyrical about how awesome his inner strength is.

So I won’t. All I will say is that my inner strength is the only aspect of myself (physical, emotional or sexual) that no-one will ever be able to insult, attack, abuse or make me doubt myself over.

2. My home

As I stated in a recent post, without my home I would either be dead or languishing in a deeply unstable state of despair, depression and agony.

Even though I have yet to pull myself out of the mindset of feeling homeless, I am truly thankful for the unit I currently call home as without it I wouldn’t stand a chance of getting my life back on track.

3. My bipolar

An odd one, to be sure, especially in regards to yesterday’s insanity, but over the years I have begun to feel thankful for my bipolar. Unlike my social anxiety – which has brought nothing but pain and destruction to my life – the bipolar has brought some brightness to my life.

My friendship with Sammi would never have eventuated were it not for my bipolar. However brief that connection was, it will always be remembered as a highpoint of my life. In a similar vein, some of my more ‘manic’ actions, however dangerous they were at the time (and intensely embarrassing in hindsight), have gone on to become some of my happiest and most amusing memories.

Also, without wishing to sound clichéd, I firmly believe my bipolar is responsible for my creative gifts; a part of my personality that I cannot imagine living without.

Three things I’m excited about

Excitement

I don’t have three things that I’m excited about. After all I’ve endured through my life I’ve learned that getting excited leads to only one thing; disappointment.

I was excited about my college course and the changes I was making to my life in 2007…and we all know what happened there. Similarly, I was excited by the mental health community finally taking me seriously at the end of last year…until I met my last psychiatrist, and we all know what happened there.

In fact, the only thing I allowed myself to be ‘excited’ over that didn’t turn out to be utterly disappointing shite was meeting up with Sammi in Glasgow ’08.

So yeah, I don’t get excited anymore. Not about birthdays, definitely not about Christmas (more of that at a later date) and certainly – after the let downs of The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises and Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 – anything in the entertainment industry.

Three things I’m inspired by

Inspiration

1. Great writing

Whether this is fiction writing (such as Charles de Lint, George Mackay Brown, Roald Dahl or Alexander Trocchi), non-fiction writing (such as Robin Bowles, Susan Faludi, John Hemming or Michael Kaku), television writing (such as Joss Whedon, Mark Schwahn, Carter Bays & Craig Thomas or Jimmy McGovern) or current affairs writing (such as that found on The Drum, Mama Mia, Hoopla or The Conversation), great writing has long been a source of inspiration for me.

Not only does it challenge my understanding and outlook on the world and the wonderful array of people who populate it, but it drives me to work toward my dreams and give back to the world the same level of beauty, hope, excitement and wonder that such writing has given me throughout my life.

2. My old friends

The general perception amongst my old friends is that I’m a worthless, useless, lying, weak, uneducated, untalented, ugly, repulsive piece of evil shit. Or at least that’s how my abuser portrayed the general feeling amongst the people I called friends.

Personally, I believe this is a little extreme (and incorrect).

Thus, I am determined to convince the rest of the world that I’m not (and have never been) as terrible a human being as was decided all those years ago; a determination that I’ve found strangely inspiring over the last several years.

3. The hope that one day there’ll be no such thing as stigma and discrimination against the mentally ill

An odd thing to be inspired by, to be sure, but something that’s long been responsible for my stubborn refusal to give up!

One day, I truly hope that discrimination against the mentally ill, the homeless and those living in poverty will have been eradicated for good. Something that I like to believe my little blog would have helped to achieve.

 

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7 thoughts on “Gratitude, excitement and inspiration

  1. If we would be grateful for even the tiniest things in life then we’d never be unhappy, but then we are only human and it’s not like us to not be unhappy.
    I really like how you’ve made your bipolar into your strength! :)

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  2. Your “little blog” will certainly help to achieve steps forward in the education of the public in bipolar and mental illness. Thanks for stopping by “Being Bipolar” and thanks for your great post. It’s an honor to meet you. I like what you’re doing here. Take good care of your precious self. xoJulia

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  3. The flower picture made me laugh! Thank you!

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  4. Love your Blog, love your story !
    It is very true that we should be more appreciative towards people and circumstances we all have to deal with. I have found that by expressing gratitude towards others, my life started to go in the direction that i could only dream of ! From that day, my spouse and I are now on a Mission to spread gratitude with a WorldWide Gratitude Challenge, touching lives one person at a time ! You can click on my name for the link to our website :)
    Hope you enjoy it !

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  5. Pingback: This Week Keeps Getting Better! « GLORIOUS METTLE

  6. Oh this is like serendipity. Tag, you’re it! I nominated you for an award :P I wouldn’t be surprised if you have one of these in your queue but here’s another anyway just in case…http://wp.me/p2LjRv-8g

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