All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Sunday Stealing: The Not So Manly Meme

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Welcome to Sunday Stealing. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes.

Today we ripped off a blogger named CV Rickfrom the blog CVRick Ninja Writer. He states that he got it from Alan, via Mrs. Chili. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time.

cleanshavenmanly

1. Boxers? Briefs? Boxer briefs? Thongs? Bikinis? Commando?

One of my longest (and biggest) pet peeves is the choice women have when it comes to underwear. All those styles, cuts, shapes and colours have long been a source of great envy from this rather obscure little man.

There’s me, trying to choose between black boxer shorts, black with grey stripes boxer shorts or plain (read: boring) coloured briefs whilst secretly watching women out the corner of my eye choosing from underwear in all the colours of the rainbow and then some.

If I wasn’t so anxious I’d just march over and choose some of these awesome colours to wear myself! Other people’s opinion be damned!

Fortunately, in recent years a slight shift has occurred. Men do now have a (slight) choice over colours. We also have Batman underwear, Avengers underwear and Angry Birds underwear.

But women still have a much wider array of options when it comes to undergarments and that still make me insanely jealous!

…but to answer your original question, I wear boxers. The most colourful ones I can find! :p

2. What’s your fussiest personal care routine?

Shaving. It takes forever!

Hence why I don’t do it all that frequently!

3. Do you have a favorite tool? Power or manual?

No. Unless you count: pens, pencils, brushes, whittling knives and other artistic implements.

4. Can you change your own oil? Do you?

Nope. I don’t drive, I’ve never had a license and I couldn’t change my own oil to save my life.

Although, thinking about it. If I did need to change my own oil to save my life I’m reasonably confident I’d be able to figure it out. It can’t be that difficult.

5. What’s the “manliest / ‘womanliest” thing you do on a regular basis?

Manliest: Urinate standing up.

Womanliest: Urinate sitting down.

6. What’s something “manly” that you never learned how to do?

Be violent toward a woman.

No, scratch that.

There is absolutely nothing manly about being violent toward a woman…and the more people begin to realize that, the better this world will become.

7. Do you ever cry? If so, what’s your trigger?

I was reliably informed by my abuser that men are not (and are never) allowed to cry under any circumstances (including but not limited to: diagnosis of serious terminal illnesses, the loss of a relationship, the end of Monsters Inc and death; be it your own or someone elses!)

I was reliably informed by my abuser that men must bottle everything up until they can’t take any more and implode with a breakdown of epic proportions.

I was reliably informed by my abuser that men are not attractive when they cry.

Because, you know, women are so hot when they’re bawling their eyes out!

But in spite of all this I do cry because I’m human. And as a human I’m allowed to cry should my emotions demand it. It is after all a wonderful way to release emotions.

Some of my triggers are:

• Loneliness and isolation; five years alone is reason enough to bawl your eyes out.
• The aforementioned end of that animated classic.
• Death.
• The end of relationships with people I am in love with.
• Finales of much-loved television shows (see: Chuck, One Tree Hill and Doctor Who)
• Pain (the more severe the pain, the more likely I am to cry)

8. Do you have a chivalrous streak? How does it manifest itself?

I open doors for people, I pay for dinner, I buy random gifts for no reason other than I see something my partner (or friends, family, colleagues) would like. I hold the elevator, help people cross the road, pick up dropped groceries and lots of other insanely selfless things I do because I’m tired of the self-absorbed, selfish direction that this world is headed.

9. Do you have a chauvinistic streak? How does it manifest itself?

I like to think I only have a chauvinistic streak when I’m not myself (i.e. manic).

It tends to manifest with an insatiable desire to slap unknown women on the ass, talk to them for insane periods of time, having wildly kinky sex in inappropriate locations (i.e. geographically, not biologically!) before moving on to the next bar to slap unknown women on the ass, talk to them for insane periods of time, have wildly kinky sex in appropriate locations (i.e. five star hotels) before moving on to the…you get the idea.

I don’t like it. I’m not proud of it. I hate myself for what I do. And I’d rather not do it.

10. What’s your favorite movie?

Hmmmm, cunning :)

Will men write something action orientated, violent and full of gigantic transforming robots and tiny little denim shorts clinging to womanly hips?

Will women write romantic orientated, gushy and full of soft focused kisses and Ryan Gosling?

Well, in fear of portraying myself as more manly than I am…Fight Club. Not because of the fights and the testosterone and the beating the crap out of each other. But because Fight Club is the work of a director at the top of his game; the editing, cinematography, stylized CGI sex scene, fourth wall breaking, the reveal.

Everything about this film is inspirational, beautifully realized and absolutely unique.

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11. What’s the dumbest, testosterone-inspired thing you’ve ever seen?

Jackass, drunk Collingwood fans, 80s action movies and FPS war styled video games.

12. What quality do you think makes a good man good? Do you have that quality?

Selflessness, honesty, loyalty. I do think I have those qualities…but I would say that, wouldn’t I?

13. Toilet seat up or down?

Down. Seriously, it’s not that difficult! It takes about half-a-second for fuckssake.

14. If your significant other is away, do you cook for yourself or eat out of cans and boxes (or rely on local drive-throughs and delivery)?

If you rely on your significant other to do all your cooking, then you seriously need to review your approach to love and relationships. We are no longer in the 1950s. We do not live in an era where women are chained to the kitchen to cook the nightly dinner for the man they love and nor do we ever want to return to such a chauvinistic, misogynistic era ever again.

Cooking, like all household chores, should be shared between both partners. Why not do it together? Who knows where steaming veggies and spicy curries could lead?

So, yes, I do cook for myself.

15. What societal expectation of being a man / women do you most resent?

Women: I hate that women feel the need to wear vast quantities of make-up whenever they leave the house, even if it’s just to buy a pint of milk. Personally I prefer natural beauty (i.e. no make-up) and have always been happy that my first (and longest) relationship was with a woman who never wore make-up. Ever.

But writing that I am reminded of the biggest expectation that women do which annoys me. And that is shaving. Particularly their pubic hair. There is nothing (absolutely nothing) ugly about pubic hair and personally, I love it. So let’s quit with the Brazilians and the waxing and celebrate genital regions that don’t look like pre-pubescent schoolgirls.

Men: That I’m always supposed to make the first move. That I’m supposed to love drinking beer. That I’m supposed to enjoy sports. That I’m supposed to never cry, ever. That I’m supposed to know everything about automobiles. That I’m supposed to look like Ryan Gosling at all times. Basically, everything!

But more than anything, I hate the societal expectation (and blatant, grotesque stereotype) that all men are simple. WE ARE NOT! Genitalia does not define one’s complicatedness. Our minds (by far the most important organ of the body) do that!

16. What’s the best part – societal-wise – about being a man / women?

I’ve left this question until last because I couldn’t come up with an answer.

I still can’t. So…

The worst part of being a man is the lack of attention some men’s issues (such as mental health, being the victim of female-to-male abuse) receive in the mainstream media and by society in general.

The worst part of being a woman is the grotesque objectification they receive on a daily basis.

Can’t we just understand that we’re all human and treat each other accordingly? You know, with compassion, understanding, honesty and decency? Instead of continuously raging this pathetic gender war over every last bloody thing on the planet?

17. Will you stop to ask for directions?

No.

Not because I’m too ‘proud’ to do so, but because I’m way too anxious to talk to other people.

18. What’s one thing about your significant other that you just cannot understand, no matter how hard you try?

I don’t have a significant other…[sniff]…and thanks…[sniff]…for reminding me of my loneliness…[sniff]…you obviously didn’t read my list of crying…[sob]…triggers!

But from the relationships of my past, I have never understood (and never will) why my girlfriend decided to abuse me to the point of suicide and lifelong psychological damage.

19. What do you need to have in the shower?

As I’ve written in the past, men can (and do!) suffer from body image issues, sometimes extremely so. Thus, when I have a shower, I need:

• Board shorts (because I can’t shower or stand seeing myself naked)
• A T-Shirt (because I can’t shower or stand seeing myself naked)
• A scrunchie/loofah/sponge (because I don’t like touching my skin with my bare hands)
• Shower gel (because, you know, it cleans me!)
• Shampoo (because, you know, is cleans my hair)
• A razor (because I need to eradicate all back/shoulder hair)

…and yes, this is all completely irrational, embarrassing and insane. Welcome to the world of mental illness!

20. Do you burp/fart/scratch? Do you do anything stereotypically male?

Grrrrr! Every single one of my girlfriends did all of these things and more. There is nothing stereotypically male about these things as they are bodily functions that all humans do!

So yes, I do burp/fart/scratch. Not all the time, always in moderation and if I’m around other people (especially someone I like) I control my functions as best I can.

the-fart

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4 thoughts on “Sunday Stealing: The Not So Manly Meme

  1. Good answers to some questions that read as though they were written by a 15 year old.

    Like

  2. I think your answer for asking for directions applys to me a little. I am actually a little shy about talking to strangers.

    Like

  3. #7 — I cried at the end of Johnny Carson … and Seinfeld. Sigh….

    Like

  4. Again, very honest answers! Good show! The pen is my fav. tool! Have a good week.

    Like

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