All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Sunday Stealing: Have yous and What ifs

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1. Have you anything to confess today?

Aside from a particularly naughty dream last night, nope. Sorry.

2. Have you ever broken a law? If so, what was it?

When I was manic I stole some milk and chocolate from a convenience store. Other than that, nope. Sorry.

3. Have you ever committed an act of betrayal against a friend or family member? explain.

Flirting with someone whilst I was in a relationship is something that I’ve never been proud of. Although nothing physical happened, I have always felt terrible for doing this and even though I tried to make amends, it was held against me by many people for many months and one of the primary reasons why it was decided I deserved the emotional abuse I received.

Perhaps they were right.

Other than that, the only thing I can think of is letting Grace down in 2008. Was this an act of betrayal,  a mentally ill loser being an arsehole or a combination of both? In my mind a combination of both, which is why I’ve never forgiven myself and never will.

4. Has someone else done something that, to this day, makes you cringe when you think about them committing the act?

The affair Louise had during the period I emigrated for her. It makes me cringe so much I don’t want to think about it.

5. Have you ever found yourself sexually aroused by someone who you absolutely should not have been?

Mmm, let me think?

There was someone who used to work in the marketing department of the business where I worked. Whilst on a manager’s conference I went for my daily morning walk and happened upon a bench where I sat for several minutes taking in the view. Out of nowhere, this marketing worker appeared dressed in skin-tight lycra on her morning run and – no matter how hard I tried – I couldn’t draw my eyes from the incredible curves of her rather magnificent body. From then on, my mind raced with naughtiness involving her on a frequent basis; completely confusing me as I really didn’t like her very much at all.

Then there was my geography teacher (who was my first educational crush, I was gutted when she got married between second and third years!), one of Louise’s friends (who, quite frankly, was one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life), another of Louise’s friends (what can I say, she had friends as hot as her!) and a therapist I had once.

Although I’m told an attraction toward your therapist  is quite common.

6. Have you ever cheated at school? How so?

Not that I can recall. Sorry.

7. What if you came across a backpack stuffed with one hundred thousand dollars. Would you keep it?

No. No. One hundred thousand times no. It is stealing – pure and simple – and stealing is as bad as rape, abuse and murder (IMHO).

When I was homeless I found several mobile phones, a laptop, a digital SLR, four iPods and many, many wallets (one of which contained over $900); all of which were either handed into the police or returned to the owner (at my expense).

On another occasion I found $175 cash sitting on the pavement. At first I only noticed the $5 note but then, a few pavestones down, the rest of the money. I remained in that location for over an hour to see if anyone returned to collect their lost money. After an hour I walked away, and then returned, and then walked away, and then returned, and then phone my parents to ask them for their advice based on the ethical quandary I had found myself in.

Ultimately I kept the money.

And I felt terrible about it. Sure, I was homeless, and it came in handy, but by gum I’ve felt bad about it ever since (even though I donated over half of it to a charitable organisation in order to ease my guilt!)

8. What if you were the most powerful person in the world. How would you use that power?

I already know!

Given I feel like an immortal God when manic – and given that when I’m in this all-powerful mind-set I generally roam around randomly slapping women on the ass, entertaining them with eclectic, witty conversation in order to see how fast I can get into their knickers (my record was a rather insane 1 minute 57 seconds :p)

But seriously, if I were of sound mind and the most powerful person in the world, I would like to think I’d use that power to help as many people as possible. Whether they would be homeless people, those starving in third world countries, victims of natural disasters or small children whose guinea pigs had become trapped in a tree. I believe I would do whatever I can to make the lives of others better.

9. What if you found a magic lamp?

I would give it to someone I used to know who deserves it more than I.

10. What if you could change one thing about the world. What would that one thing be?

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again; to end the insidious discrimination that exists in all countries in far too many forms.

11. What if you could take one thing back. What would that one thing be?

See question (3) above. Both of them, especially the second.

12. What if you were stuck on an island forever but had all the water, food and shelter you needed. What would you do?

Given I lived in a park for several years with nowhere near the amount of water, food and shelter I needed, I reckon I would have a field day if I were stuck on an island with everything I needed. I could write, fashion rafts from the backs of turtles, write a bit more, whittle a selection of random artefacts from driftwood, write some more, chat to myself and my hallucinations, build an elaborate beach town, write even more, hike to the other side of the island and build a second beach town so I could have a holiday home, write until I was cramped, befriend the indigenous population and generally have a grandiose old-time.

13. What if the internet didn’t exist?

I would be dead.

Seriously.

Addy would be no more!

14. What if you never started blogging?

I would definitely be dead.

Seriously.

Addy would definitely be no more!

15. What are your November 22 Thanksgiving plans?

Given I’m not American, live in Australia and have never celebrated Thanksgiving…zip, zilch, nothing, nada.

Question for WordPress users…
Did anyone else get photographs of sexually aroused genitalia (both vaginas and penises) in their Zemanta suggestions today, or was it just ‘still reeling from my naughty dreams’ me?

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14 thoughts on “Sunday Stealing: Have yous and What ifs

  1. lol, at least you are honest!

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  2. No more Addy – Not cool, i enjoy reading! have a great week!! Props for being so honest with the found money.

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  3. Ah yes…I forgot about the typing teacher (a nun) I swooned over.

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  4. I would love to hang out with you on your deserted island…

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  5. Hiya… bipolar here. One thing is, you are the first person I’ve run into who seems to be harder on himself than I am on myself! :( But kudos to you for helping wipe out the mental illness stigma!!

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  6. I would have kept the money, too, in that situation. It reminds me of when my daughter went to the bathroom while we were waiting for a movie to start and didn’t come back for a long time. I finally got up to see where she was, and I bumped into her coming back in, carrying popcorn and soda and numerous boxes of candy. I was like, “What the heck????????????” She had found ten dollars in the bathroom and brought it to the counter, and the employee said, “There’s no way to figure out who it belongs to, kid, just keep it.” She refused, and the manager was so impressed that they gave her every imaginable sort of movie theater junk (far more than ten bucks would have paid for). Sometimes, there’s just no way to tell … cash floating around is hard to verify.

    Also, emotional abuse is never okay :-(

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  7. I assumed I would be on that island alone and with only the three things mentioned….I really wouldn’t want to be alone.

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  8. I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with any of those attraction/arousal objects you mentioned.

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  9. Man, I love reading your blog but geez louise, you are so damned hard on yourself!

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    • I know I am, but I’m working on it.

      Perhaps before I gave the magic lamp away I’d use one wish for myself and ask to not be so self-critical all the time. That would be nice :)

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  10. I would have kept the money but been upset later I’m sure.

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  11. :) I’d have been in a quandry about taking the money, too. There aren’t enough honest people in the word now a days…

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  12. Funny, reading the answers to your questions made me appreciate that there are people like you in the world. I felt your compassion for others. If you feel you are hard on yourself, I think you already have what it takes to remedy that… now it’s the practice of turning that compassion towards yourself.

    Love,
    Trish

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    • Thanks for your comment :)

      I’m definitely hard on myself :) I’ve had a problem directing the compassion I have for others onto myself since childhood. But it’s something I’ve been working on and hope one day to master the art of self-compassion. It’s funny how difficult I find this to be but I’m determined to get there one day, no matter what it takes :)

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