All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

7 Wants…

5 Comments

A while ago I had a conversation about what I’d do if I had the Disability Support Pension approved.

After a few moments of thought I informed him I’d pay some rent, sort out some overdue bills, stock up food cupboards and buy some new clothes. They were quite surprised I didn’t say games console, Blu-Ray player, iPhone or blow the whole lot on a DVD collection.

Sensing my unease, they informed me that a moment of altruism after all I’ve been through is something no-one would blame me for (middle class web commentators aside, of course!) but after all I’ve experienced, I’m not sure I can be altruistic any more.

1. A bookshelf

My book collection isn’t spectacular. I have a few, picked up from charity shops and library sales, but it lacks the diversity and brilliance of my collection from years ago. The books I have are currently propped up on the kitchen counter gathering breadcrumbs, rogue cooking debris and make me feel like I live in a warehouse.

Hence my desire for a bookshelf :)

2. A haircut

I haven’t been able to afford a haircut since May 2010. There are no words to capture the mess that is my hair at the moment. So if I get the DSP approved and I can overcome my anxiety of hairdressers I will be getting it cut almost immediately!

3. A Digital SLR

Is this being too altruistic? It’s certainly more expensive than a bookshelf and it’s not exactly an essential item like a haircut.

Or is it? Back in the days that I owned a camera I would often venture out on all day photo-shoots when consumed with anxiety or stress. Just walking around the suburbs, towns or glens snapping off photograph after photograph filled my heart with joy and relaxed my soul.

It’s not just a hobby or aspiring profession for me; it’s therapy.

4. A new wardrobe

As I’ve previously written I can buy new clothes once a year. If I don’t get the DSP my next clothes shopping trip will be in January. To say I’m tired of wearing the same grotty, fast disintegrating clothes I’ve been wearing for the last ten months would be an understatement!

How am I supposed to feel good about myself when I don’t feel good about what I’m wearing?

5. A holiday

Massively altruistic. But I could really, really do with a couple of weeks kicking back and thinking only of relaxation and adventure.

6. Friend(s)

Do I even need to say this? I love all my blogging friends (hugs to you all) but it would so wonderful to have a friend in real life :)

but most of all

7. To meet my nephew (and forthcoming niece)

My nephew is now two years old and I have yet to meet him. My niece will be born early next year.

Perhaps I could combine items 5 and 6 and take a jaunt to see them both at the same time…yeah, right!But it’s nice to dream :)

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5 thoughts on “7 Wants…

  1. I remember when I was waiting for my disibility to start. I don’t know how it is there, but I got back pay starting from my last day of employment. I had a hay day! My big spurge was three tattoos all within a five month period lol.

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    • I’ve been told if it’s approved I’ll be receiving back-pay from the date of intent to claim (late September)…so I’m thinking I may have to treat myself to something :)

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  2. If it is back dated, I implore you treat yourself. Seriously.

    I can’t argue with the bookcase, you deserve some new books.

    Hell, you deserve everything on this list!

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  3. fingers crossed you will be approved (which I see no reason as to why they would reject your claim) however the process of being approved is one that is painful, degrading and down right hard, as your forced to live under the line of poverty and deal with your health at the same time. Your 7 things that you have listed are not only realistic they are admirable my friend, and with that said, your 100% right you do deserve to treat yourself to something special, god knows you have been doing it hard for all these months, and by hard I mean struggling day to day just to get by.
    Something that these government departments world wide do not seem to have any concept on, when it comes to living outside their procedures and protocol as they punch in codes into their computer system and we become a number no longer a name, in a waiting list of other numbers to be coded and then sent back and forth like a rubber ball from department manager to department manager, as we wait, wait, fall further behind with our lives, fall deeper into debt, and have very little to nothing to live on as we wait, wait and bloody wait.
    ((hugs))
    Angel

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  4. I need a haircut also! I haven’t cut it since January!

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