Whilst exploring the rather magnificent blog Voices of Glass yesterday I came across this excellent post. Being a movie lover, an aspiring writer/director and someone’s who’s lived a life that would make a rather spectacular film, I have decided to play along.
If my life were a movie, this is what it would be…
1. What periods of your life would you want it to be about? Why those periods?
Given my love of unconventional narratives, there is no way I would allow a movie of my life to be made in an A to B to C structure. In fact, if someone decided to make a biopic about me after I died using the conventional format I would come back and haunt their ass!
To fully tell my tell you would need to cover everything, from the early days of naive childhood through the social anxious teenage years and into the dark periods of mental health and homelessness in adulthood. Only this could bring out the links between childhood events and how they impact upon events later in life.
In fact, let’s start the movie with my birth, Tristram Shandy style! :)
2. Which well-known actor or actress would you want to play you in it? Why that/those actor(s) or actress(es)?
Jackson Brundage because he kinda looks like child-me and shares the same mischievous energy I had at that age.
Tobey Maguire because he doesn’t really look anything like me but he could nail the nervous, socially awkward teenage me.
David Tennant because he looks absolutely nothing like me but shares the same naughty glint in his eye that I do. Plus, he’s David Tennant.
3. Which well-known actor or actress would you want to play your significant other/partner? Why that/those actor(s) or actress(es)?
Hannah (my best girl friend and first crush) would be played by Caitlin Blackwood because she is beyond awesome!
Douglas (my best male friend and partner in crime) would be played by Pierce Gagnon because he is beyond awesome!
Kathryn (my sister) would be played by Kate Winslet because she reminds me of my sister more than any other actress.
Natalie (my school time crush) would be played by Nina Dobrev, because (ironically) they could be dopplegangers!
Louise (my first girlfriend) would be played by Maureen O’Hara because no other actress would be able to capture her spirit.
Kathy (my second girlfriend) would be played by Vanessa Hudgens because they look a lot alike. Plus, it would be nice to see Hudgens play a darker role for a change.
Diane (my third girlfriend) would be played by Toni Collette because I can’t think of a more beautiful, talented actress to depict this woman.
In addition, from teenage onwards:
Meadhbe (my primary hallucination) would be played by Karen Gillan because they’re both Scottish and she has the range to be cruel and nasty whilst retaining her ethereal beauty and mask of kindness. Plus, she shares my birthday and is from Inverness :p
And other important people:
Annie (a good friend and object of youthful lust) would be played by Serena Ryder. Okay, I’m cheating slightly as she’s a musician, but I want Serena Ryder to play Annie in mymovie! Got a problem with that?
Grace (a good friend) would be played by Audrey Hepburn, because they share the same intelligence and beauty, have a more than passing resemblance and, in all honesty, who wouldn’t want Audrey Hepburn to play one of their friends in a movie of their life?
Sammi (a complicated friendship) would be played by Jenna Louise-Coleman because she always reminds of Sammi.
4. Which well-known actor or actress would you want to play your parents? Why that/those actor(s) or actress(es)?
My father would be played by Trevor Eve because he is beyond awesome and reminds me of my dad rather a lot.
My mother would be played by Maggie Gyllenhaal because she is beyond awesome and no-one else could pull this role off.
5. What era would you want it to be set in if not in your actual era? Why this era?
It would have to be contemporary; which given the need for 80s and 90s flashbacks would mean lots of wonderful fashion to showcase as well as provide a myriad of options for a corker of a soundtrack CD!
6. What would you want it to be called? Why did you choose that name?
Oh, tough question.
My first reaction would be All that I am, all that I ever was as it’s the title of this blog and would reflect the overall message I’d like to see in the movie. However, long movie titles are few and far between as these days people want short, snappy titles that they can tweet without taking up the entire 140 characters and/or reduce to a handy hashtag.
But you know what, screw the Twitterati, I like All that I am, all that I ever was so I’m gonna stick with that! :p
7.What genre would you want it to be? Why did you choose that genre?
If a movie were to made of my life that was pure drama it would tank spectacularly at the box office because (a) no-one wants to watch a severely depressing tale of a suicidal homeless person and how he became that way and (b) it wouldn’t accurately reflect my life.
Any movie about my life would need to include random faeries, an aerial dragon attack, the occasional spanking and sword fights. All but the spanking being things generally not seen in low-budget indie dramas about mental health and homelessness.
Thus, I suggest a new genre: Urfandacows (Urban Fantasy Dark Comedy, with spanking!)
This way, the heavy drama of MH/suicide/homelessness could be told within an urban fantasy world that depicts the continuing disintegration of my mental stability (hallucinations, mania et al!) Think David Lynch directing an episode of How I Met Your Mother that’s been written by the scriptwriters of Black Books and designed by the guys behind The Dark Crystal (with the occasional spanking!)
C’mon, who wouldn’t want to see that? :p
8. Write a one paragraph description/advertisement for the movie.
You don’t judge a book by it’s cover…so why judge a human by their circumstances?
9. Which one message would you want audiences to get from seeing that movie?
Be yourself, because everyone else is taken.
10. If they were to make a movie about your life – who would you least like to see it and why?
Given I have no qualms about sharing my entire life with the world in blog form I don’t care who sees a movie about my life.
The more the merrier, I say!