All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

Day #4: Bullet pointing a (bad) day… [Part 1]

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When I woke up this morning I was actually in a rather good mood; but as the day has progressed, so too has my depression. It’s one of the problems of trying to deal with mental illness – you never quite know what you’re going to get! So, here is part 1 of today’s blog challenge post. Can you spot what the turning point of the day was?

  • Woke up at 6am after two hours sleep.
  • Lay in bed dreaming about having someone to cuddle and then make breakfast in bed for.
  • Got out of bed at 8:30am and listened to the radio whilst eating Vegemite on toast and reading my daily websites.
  • Had a shower and cleaned my teeth.
  • Began writing a blog post at 9am about what it’s like to live in poverty.
  • Finished writing the post at 1pm and felt good about it.
  • Began editing the post and – after Kathy (voice in my head) pointed out that two sentences didn’t sound right – deleted the entire post.
  • Went for an angry walk around the block to clear my head.
  • Returned and drank a glass of wine (leftover from last Thursday)
  • Became angry with myself for drinking a glass of wine (as I live in fear of developing alcoholic tendencies again)
  • Went for a second walk around the block to clear my head but the voices only increased in volume.
  • Returned home and had a half hour conversation with Meadhbe, Grace and Kathy (voices in my head) who were all encouraging me to drink due to my inability to write two sentences.
  • Began drinking to appease them.
  • Sat down to write second attempt of ‘what it’s like to live in poverty’ post.
  • Wrote: “F***ing S**t” in block capitals.
  • Changed the font of these two words several times.
  • Increased the font size of these two words several times.
  • Exclaimed to myself: “Oooooo, someone’s stumbled one of my pages!” when I realized a sudden explosion of hits on my blog. Thank you to whoever did this :)
  • Drank a fourth glass of wine to celebrate this fact.
  • Wondered if I would be able to salvage my mood (and with it the day).
  • Began bullet pointing my day because I couldn’t focus on anything else and decided to make it a two-part post!

Perkier installments of the 30 Day Challenge…

Day #1: Five ways to win my heart…
Day #3: A novel staggering in its originality, imagination and explicitness…

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2 thoughts on “Day #4: Bullet pointing a (bad) day… [Part 1]

  1. The two hours sleep?

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  2. I hate that the voices in your head let you think that what you wrote wasn’t good enough , because you my friend, are a brilliant writer. I come to your blog because I love the raw honesty with which your words hit me. They are bittersweet like an afternoon run in with an ex you once loved.
    Next time doubt comes calling. I hope my words are louder than the voices in your head.

    Like

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