All that I am, all that I ever was…

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is…

F&*%^#G MOOD SWINGS!!!!

Leave a comment

One of the hardest fracking [1]things to cope with are these bloody mood swings. They can happen so goddamn quickly I can barely keep up. one minute I’m feeling great dandy awesome on top of the fracking world – and the next I’m standing on a bloody balcony wondering what it would feel like to fly. Only humans can’t, we drop, and fast!

Like today, it wasn’t a bad day, not by a long shot. A middling day, maybe. A tedious day, possibly. A nothing day, definitely! (waaaayyyy too many of them this year) A bad day it wasn’t…but it could end like that. Brain’s just fried, frazzled, gone.
I’ve run out of meds and got no funds to get any more! Normally I could cope but it’s been a tough month – went from planning my suicide at the start of it, to attempting it mid month, back to planning it again – everything just feels completely pointless and worthless. Everything.

I’m tired of being lonely, tired of being lonely, tired of being lonely. I don’t think anyone with friends, hell even those with acquaintences, know what it is truly like to be alone. Try having had only four face-to-face conversations in the last 4 months! Can you imagine that. One a month
And yeah
wwwwaaahhh
wwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhh
wwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaahhhh
cry

baby
much?

It ain’t like I’m not trying, I go out, I hang out, I try chat to people. Hey, I had a pint of beer thrown over my head a little whiles back merely for attempting to say hello to someone. That’s gonna help someone’s self-esteem that!
“Here, I know you have trouble talking to people so I’ll help by – pouring this glass of luke warm bitter over head,”
“Cheers for that!
FRACK! FRACK! FRACKITY FRACKITY FRACK. And just for good measure FRACK!
Mood swings.

Yeah.
Awesome.

Go from feeling pretty darn okay to a floating piece of excrement in three bloody minutes…and why?
Why?
’cause of a goddamn fracking memory!
Just creeping in there…unannounced…as I innocuosly bopped along to a funky Addy hits CD. One minute singing runrig, the next air-guitaring to random rock and after a wee bogle to Aswad…SMACK!…there she is Ms-Frigging-Memory to ruin my day.
BRAINS! MINDS!
– SENTIENT THOUGHT –
W
H
O

N
E
E
D
S


E
M
?

AAARRRRRGGGHHH!

[1]..yes, I say frack instead of fuck, whatcha gonna do?
Point and laugh
You’re just too scared to acknowledge that Battlestar Galactica is one of the best damn fracking shows in recent years!

Aren’t ya?
Aren’t ya
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s